Layers of the Heart
by Astarpen
Summary: FemShep/Miranda. Shepard has always been talented at keeping secrets. Relationships? That's something she will have to work on, unfortunately for her, secrets have a way of popping back up no matter how hard you try and keep them hidden.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: The sequel to Everything and Everyone Changes, it's going to be longer than the last, it's also going to be slightly different than the last one as you will soon see. **

* * *

"Emotional occasions, especially violent ones, are extremely potent in precipitating mental rearrangements. The sudden and explosive ways in which love, jealousy, guilt, fear, remorse, or anger can seize upon one are known to everybody. . . . And emotions that come in this explosive way seldom leave things as they found them."

-William James

* * *

Miranda stared at the message in front of her, it was true that she screened all of Jade's messages before she received them, and she knew that Jade was very aware of this. She just hadn't said anything, probably due to the fact that no one important ever really wanted to talk to her and she personally never bothered to reply to her emails unless it was something of the utmost importance. The only person she had responded to within the year was her mother, and it's not as if she gave her classified Cerberus Intel.

In the two months since Jade had blown up the Collector base, Miranda had noticed that her girlfriend had been on edge. It was understandable of course, the last time Jade had saved the galaxy she had been ambushed and killed. Not to mention the Council had once again rejected her evidence, and she had heard that Garrus and Anderson had held her back.

Not to mention things were changing rapidly on the ship which only agitated Jade more, it was obvious she wasn't fond of change and didn't really want to let Samara, Thane and Grunt leave the ship. Zaeed she had dumped back on Omega as soon as they had cleared the Omega-4 relay, politely thanking him for his service and wishing him luck. Miranda had noticed it took all of Jade's professionalism to not physically throw him out on Omega and run. She had later admitted that she had been impressed that Zaeed had managed to keep his word; she still didn't work with him again.

Miranda looked at the mission again; it might force Jade to snap back to normal, she was just not sure if she wanted to risk losing Jade to the blue bitch. This seemed to be a real possibility if their sex life was any indication of it. It wasn't just the sex, Jade seemed more distant, it was as if their breakthroughs hadn't happened. Maybe going on another impossible quest would at least get her to calm down. Besides it was not as if Jade had personally treated this dating thing as something serious. Miranda rubbed her temple, it wasn't fair. She didn't want to lose Jade to an alien, she sighed allowing the message to go through. Killing the Shadow Broker would be a good thing, and Cerberus...she had to remind herself that she didn't work for them anymore. But the information that the Shadow Broker had might be useful. She was going to regret this she just knew it, as she allowed the message to go through. It was time to go after the Shadow Broker.

"EDI inform Joker to plot a course for Illium," Miranda said, "And inform the Commander that she has a new message. She really hoped that she wouldn't lose Jade over this.

* * *

"Remember when I told you to treat Miranda well? I'm going to put this in the most delicate way I can, you're not."

Jade looked up at Kasumi from where she had been skimming through the data EDI had compiled, a confused look crossed her features. "What are you talking about?"

Kasumi took a seat in front of her pulling the file from Jade's hands. "Miranda needs to know where she fits; she likes to have a sense of purpose."

Jade blinked, "What is she rethinking the whole leaving Cerberus thing? I mean I could get her a job in the Alliance, she's more professional than me and I'm sure Hackett would have something for her to do. I could always see if they need a new spectre, she'd probably hate that as well though..." Jade mused out loud.

"I wasn't talking about her work Shep, I was talking about you and her. Women need to know that they are needed and appreciated, otherwise they lose interest and it hurts the relationship. Romancing her wouldn't exactly hurt your cause, every woman likes a bit of romance every now and again."

Jade scoffed, "I'm a woman..."

"You're a very special case Shepard," Kasumi cut her off patting her hand, a teasing smile on her face. "But really you do need to at least communicate more with Miranda or at least make her feel like you want her around. Unless of course you don't then it would just be wise to let her get on with her life."

Jade sighed, "Fine...what exactly do you suggest. I haven't had a proper relationship for two years, course I was dead for most of that time but the result is basically the same and it ended horribly. Well not really, all I know is that I woke up found her and our relationship was over, with no real explanation..."

"Shepard, Miss Lawson has asked me to inform you that you have received an urgent message. She has also informed Joker to head to Illium. ETA 4 hours."

Jade muscles tensed, was Liara in trouble. It was actually highly likely that this was indeed the case, she doubted the Shadow broker would sit idly by while she searched for him. She shot an apologetic look to Kasumi, "We'll discuss this later," with that she practically bolted to the elevator. She needed to get to her private message terminal. She opened the message reading it carefully her heart finally slowing down as she read the short message, the panic was slowly replaced by a cold smirk. It was time to go after the Shadow Broker, it was time to remove another name off her hit list.

Plus there were many people on her ship who wanted to get their hands on him, it would keep them on board for a little while longer. She knew she couldn't keep them onboard indefinitely, but she would miss them. One last impossible mission, one last bang before they went their separate ways would be the perfect way to say goodbye. They were her family, and she was going to miss them all of them. She knew there was a very good chance she would never see Thane again and the thought upset her. He had lived through the Collector base, and a disease was going to kill him? The thought irritated her, but he was one of the few people she couldn't save no matter how much she wanted to. "EDI gather the squad for a meeting in the Comm. room we're going to see who goes to beat down the Shadow Broker," she said with a wicked grin on her face. For the first time she could feel the adrenaline pumping, missions like these would keep her sharp. She wouldn't get complacent. Not this time. She had to much to do before the Reapers came, they wouldn't be caught with their pants down.

Jade began to bring out pieces of her armour choosing the Kestrel set, her thoughts went back to what Kasumi had said, she was probably right. A little romance never hurt anyone and she had been avoiding Miranda as of late. The last time she had gotten close to someone she had woken up two years later with a very fractured relationship. It had been mostly her fault that Liara had become what she was, and she wasn't going to take that chance with Miranda.

Jade kept her pistol trained on Vasir, 9 times out of ten she could make the shot, but those weren't acceptable odds. But she didn't want to be the one to make a child an orphan. She was going soft and she wished she had brought Legion or Thane with her they would have made the shot cleanly and she wouldn't be in this situation. Maybe if she had brought along the M-5 Phalanx she would have made the shot easy. She never did understand the point of hostages. She got the principle of the matter, but it all seemed rather cowardly and borderline stupid to her. If Vasir killed the hostage, Jade would put an end to her miserable existence. It wasn't as if the hostage was an infant or a child. "You do realize even if you get out of here, you'll lose your Spectre status. You attacked the trade centre." Jade pointed out as she made a quick and mental note of their surroundings.

* * *

"You think so? I think maybe Cerberus terrorists did that. Which story do you the Council will believe?" Vasir replied. "All you had to do was walk away. Now, it gets ugly. " Vasir placed the gun against Mariana's temple obstructing Jade's shot..

"Please I have a son."

Jade gritted her teeth, she was probably right she really wasn't on speaking terms with the council even though she had physically handed them the evidence that Reapers existed. They of course had denied it, and had it not been for Anderson stopping her she would have definitely shot the smug Turian in the face. Jade felt her muscles tensing, getting ready to strike.

"A son? I hope he gets to see you again. I've heard losing a parent is just horrific for children. Scars them for life," Vasir whispered loud enough for Jade to hear.

Miranda shifted a bit, anxious. She wasn't fond of hostage situations, she glanced over at who stood her eyes trained on Vasir, there was anger creeping into her face. She had seen that look before, when the Collectors had kidnapped the crew, that fiery gaze was a direct contrast to the cool look Jade had in her eyes. The look terrified her, this was Shepard. This was the woman who had saved the Citadel, this was the woman who had slaughtered hundreds of Batarians, this was the person who hated when people forced her hand. She smiled to herself, "Vasir was a dead woman so long as they followed Jade's lead.

"I'm going to end you Vasir," Liara snarled at the other Asari.

Jade smirked, "It's okay Liara. We'll handle it. The usual way."

"You want Mariana's little boy to grow up without a mommy, Shepard? Thermal clips on the ground, now. Power Cells, too." Vasir commanded.

Jade let out a small laugh, "Hiding behind a hostage, Vasir? No stomach for a real fight. Just like an Asari."

"Drop the thermal clips, Shepard," Vasir ordered again.

"You girls should really just stick to dancing-you know playing to your strengths." Jade smirked her eyes glowing orange, she hoped that one of her two companions would be smart enough to strike while Vasir was distracted.

"Drop the clips!"

"Did you forget who I am Vasir? Or what I've done? Vasir, I sacrificed hundreds of human lives to save the Destiny Ascension._ I_ unleashed the Rachni on the galaxy. I slaughtered hundreds of Batarians who had surrendered to me on Torfan." Jade noticed the table behind Vasir glowing a biotic blue and her smirk grew wider. "So for your sake, I hope your escape plan doesn't hing on me hesitating to shoot a damn hostage!"

"You're bluffing," Vasir said pointing her gun at Shepard.

"Now." Jade commanded coolly as Vasir's gun suddenly glowed a biotic blue and was wrenched from her hands as the table slammed into her, separating Vasir from her hostage. Jade walked to pool of water that Vasir had flown into stepping between her and Mariana, who had gotten up to run away. She motioned for her Liara and Miranda to seek cover as Vasir exploded out of the water. "She's mine," she said calmly as she cracked her knuckles. Spectre versus Spectre, she was going to enjoy this. "Stay out of this," she ordered as she holstered her gun. She was going to beat Vasir at her own game, and it was good time to practice her biotics.

* * *

Jade inhaled deeply attempting to catch her breath that had taken her longer than anticipated and she was feeling the effects of overexerting herself. Vasir had been tough, nowhere as good as difficult as Saren had been, but then again she hadn't actually fought the real Saren. She had convinced him to shoot himself and then dealt with Sovereign's bastardized copy of Saren. She watched Liara take the data from Vasir's body, and she wondered why Vasir hadn't simply destroyed the data. She obviously didn't win any points for being the smartest spectre. Jade straightened up as soon as she got her breathing back under control and she felt Miranda's hand on her shoulder. She pulled out her pistol and trained it on Vasir's head as she turned to Liara.

"Sekat's personal datapad. This has what we need to find the Shadow Broker," Liara said wandering off, talking to herself.

Jade motioned for Miranda to follow her ignoring the dirty look that Miranda sent her, she watched them leave for a second and turned her attention back to Vasir.

"You're dead. The Shadow Broker has been in power for decades. He's stronger than anything you've ever faced."

Jade rolled her eyes, "Is that why you sold out the Council to work for him?"

"You think I betrayed the Council? Like Saren? Go to hell. The Broker's given me damn good intel over the years. Intel that saved lives and kept the Citadel safe! So if the Broker needs a few people to disappear.. I'll pay that price without hesitation."

"Spectres don't blow up buildings filled with innocent people," Jade retorted.

"Sure we do. We get our hands dirty so the Council doesn't have to. The councillors might complain about our methods to soothe their consciences, but they never look to closely. Beside's you're with Cerberus. You have any idea what your terrorist friends have done?"

Jade smirked, "The council knows exactly what I'm doing and what I did while I was with Cerberus, they know that I passed through the Omega-4 Relay and I destroyed the Collectors. I wasn't doing anything that crossed the line; I would never touch an innocent. I wouldn't make people disappear. Jade pointed out. "I've seen what Cerberus has done, and every time I came across something that rubbed me the wrong way I told stopped it and told the Illusive Man to kiss my ass. Who Cerberus is doesn't matter, as long as I don't become like them."

Vasir laughed, "I think it does. You want to judge me? Look in the mirror Shepard. Kidnapping kids for biotic death camps! Killing Alliance Admirals for asking to many questions. Only some of Cerberus's crimes But you Shepard, you're the real monster. Torfan, unleashing the Rachni. I've seen your complete file, the good bits. The five years between Torfan and the Normandy. Don't you dare judge me! Don't you..."

Jade pulled the trigger emptying the clip into Vasir's body. She turned around to see Miranda watching her and gave her a cold smile and shrugged. "She's dead." It was simple reply and Jade willed her body to relax, yet another mess to fix. She had to wonder when her life got so damn difficult. She turned to Vasir's body.

"What was that about?" Miranda asked appearing beside her, and gently placing her hand on Jade's shoulder. It was a comforting gesture

Jade brushed her off, she hadn't exactly informed Liara that she was seeing someone else and she currently had too much to deal with. After they killed the Shadow Broker there would be plenty of time for her and Liara to talk about whatever their current relationship status was. "I didn't tell Liara about this thing between us," Jade informed her coldly. The chill in her voice had been accidental, but Jade was simply too preoccupied with her own thoughts to notice that she had broken the cardinal rule of their relationship.


	2. Chapter 2

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."

-CS. Lewis

* * *

"Siha."

Jade looked up at Thane Krios from where she was sitting, watching Liara talk with Garrus and Tali. She had been lost in her own thoughts, She was grateful that her memory was not eidetic like Thane's. She motioned for him to sit down, this was to be the last mission together and she would miss the Drell, "Thane," she greeted quietly her attention turning back to Liara.

"You still have feelings for her?" Thane stated following Jade's line of vision resting on the Asari.

"It's complicated," Jade replied not taking her eyes off Liara. "The situation, our possible feelings for each other, the fact that I'm human, the fact that I died, everything is too complicated for it to ever be as it was between us. Liara isn't a fighter, she's a scientist. When the Reapers come, which they will, I will jump back into the fray and this time I might die more permanently this time. I don't want to hurt her again, I don't want her to attempt to save me again. She nearly got herself killed the last time."

Thane said nothing for awhile and the two sat there in silence. "Siha you know better."

Jade gave him a small annoyed smile, "I do."

"And yet you make your life more complicated," Thane pointed out nodding at Miranda. Jade's eyes flicked over to Miranda watching her from where she sat and looked back at him confused. "She is troubled," he said simply.

Jade looked away from Miranda, "I'm trying to protect her."

There was more silence, "She is capable, a warrior. From what do you seek to protect her from?" Thane asked.

Jade watched Miranda again before turning back to him, "Me." The reply was simple. She turned to Thane, "You didn't come see me because you wanted to discuss the pile of shit that is my life. What is on your mind Thane?"

"The Shadow Broker. Siha he is the last piece he is the one who sold the information on Irikah."

Jade turned her head, "Of course, you can tell Miranda that you'll be taking her place," Jade replied turning her attention back to Liara.

"Thank you...Siha." Jade nodded in response. Thane sat there for a few seconds watching Liara before turning to Miranda and then back at Jade. "Trust her."

"I do," Jade replied defensively turning to him. Thane didn't reply as he walked to Miranda, causing Jade to let out a frustrated sigh. First Kasumi and now Thane, she had been under the impression that her relationship was fine. She would wait until the mission was over. She had far more pressing matters to deal with. Her file was possibly in the hands of the Shadow Broker. If she didn't get it back and if it fell into the wrong hands an intergalactic war would start. She would definitely have to get in touch with Hackett on a secure line. If the Citadel wasn't going to do anything about the Reapers, the Alliance would have to prepare. She picked up the file that Liara had sent her detailing the Shadow Broker's lair. A battle plan was still needed and she rubbed her temples as she began to run a dozen scenarios in her head, she was handicapping herself by taking Thane with her. It would be wiser to take Grunt with her, she didn't need someone who was capable in biotics But she couldn't deny his request.

* * *

"How has she been?" Liara asked Garrus and Tali turning to look at her former lover. "Is she the same person?"

"Well...she's still stuck on doing the impossible, and dragging us along for the ride," Garrus pointed out. "Cerberus didn't change that, but is she the same person, that she was before she died? No. But to be fair she died and she remembers it. She doesn't talk about it but she remembers it. No one could go through that without changing even a little bit. She's more impulsive, she takes bigger risks, and she also risks her life constantly for all of us even the people who are loyal to Cerberus. Same old Shepard, but she's the same old Shepard, completely hell bent on saving the galaxy even if the politicians are so sure she's as mad prophet."

"I couldn't let her go, it was selfish and I'm unsure if she has forgiven me."

Garrus patted Liara on the shoulder, "You didn't give up when we all did, but ignoring the problem is only going to make the problem worse. But you know that it will never be the same."

Liara watched Jade, "If I had been there when she woke up, it might be different, but I abandoned her with a terrorist group fully knowing that they had plans for her. If they had decided to insert a control chip into her brain, she would never have forgiven me. No matter how important her mission is. Miss Lawson was there for Shepard when I could not be, and had I acted accordingly with my feelings she would still be with me. If anything she feels betrayed for my actions. She needed some form of stability, she needed to know I still loved her and I rejected her."

Garrus was quiet, "Not your fault and I'm sure Shepard doesn't hate you, she is risking her life to help you after all, she might be ticked at you. But it certainly can't be construed as hatred. I mean really the people who Shepard hates are dead. So as long as she didn't shoot you, or leave you to burn...or anything that results in your death, you're good to go."

"That and she only hates Batarians," Tali pointed out.

"Very true, she really hates Batarians," Garrus agreed.

Liara let out a small laugh relaxing a bit, "If anyone could defeat the Shadow Broker and rescue Feron, it's going to be Shepard."

* * *

Miranda slammed her fist into her desk, the biotic glow giving her action a bit more force then she had expected as a dent appeared in the table, Shepard had just removed her off the mission, and replaced her with Thane. She would have understood had it been Grunt, or even Garrus, but she was handicapping herself by placing Thane. It was even worse that she had sent Thane to deliver the news.

_"Love? Who said anything about love I just want to fuck you."_

The words rang harshly in Miranda's ears. Maybe that's all Shepard saw her as. It wasn't as if Shepard hadn't been clear about her intentions since day one. She was only looking for a fuck buddy, a way to deal when she needed to release tension. It all made sense in her head. Shepard would do anything for her crew, she would walk into hell to rescue them if she could. She was nothing special; she was deluding herself if she believed that Shepard would ever truly love her.

Even the time that they had spent on the Citadel, though Jade had promised her undivided attention, things had come up and Jade would disappear for hours on end. She would come back, generally battered and bruised and with that irritating satisfied smirk on her face. Shepard never told her where she went, or what she did, so Miranda could only assume she was out being a hero. She didn't have time for heroes, they had an incredibly short life span, and she would be forced to share. Miranda Lawson didn't share.

Ashley Williams had once described Shepard as a god. Indeed Jade's own story bared striking similarity to many of the human deities throughout the ages. It was clear that Shepard was a hero, she was everyone's hero. And the people who's live she touched, the people who she risked her life saving, they worshiped her, they adored her. They fell in love with her. That green asari on Ilium, men and women threw themselves at her. Miranda wasn't blind, there were people on this ship who wanted Shepard to themselves, Jack, Kelly, Thane, even Jacob. It was why she had been so adamant about Shepard announcing to the crew that she was taken. It was why she had made sure that everyone could see them together, so they could see that she could make their idol scream her name in ecstasy.

She did have something over them; she unlike them had seen what was behind the mask that Shepard wore to keep up appearances; it had both terrified and scared her but she still loved her. But then again she wasn't the only person in the same boat, Liara had seen Jade for who she was, she had experienced Jade in ways that Miranda could only dream about. And what made it worse, was the fact that it was obvious to anyone that Jade had strong feelings for Liara. It had been the first time that Miranda had seen Jade completely at ease. Whether it had been a conscious decision or a subconscious one, Jade had been showing off since they had picked up Liara. And what was worse, it hurt. This had been the first time that it had been more than sex, she loved the damn woman. And the feeling wasn't mutual. Important people, her father, the Illusive Man and now Shepard seemed only to care about her when she had a use. Jade was healing on her own, and she wasn't needed anymore. Shepard would discard like everyone else in her life. A

"We have arrived at Hagalaz. Miss Lawson please report to the hangar," EDI's voice came over the intercom.

* * *

Jade poured the drinks in her room, she was in a good mood, she had managed to kill the Shadow Broker, she had managed to delete her file, and now she was having a drink with an old friend. They had decided to switch the mess that was their relationship to a platonic friendship. Miranda would love her story of how she fought a Yahg in hand to hand combat. Well or she would be incredibly ticked off by Jade's stupidity. Joker had insisted on dragging Liara on a tour of his new baby, and Tali and Garrus had decided to tag along. They were eager to have Liara back and had been slightly ticked off when Jade had pointed out it was only a visit. She had retreated to her captain's cabin to set up. A drink with Liara and then some quality time with her girlfriend, it was the best of both worlds. She turned when she heard her doors slide open. "Did you enjoy the tour?" she asked turning to her.

Liara looked around Shepards cabin, it was larger than her last one and considerably more private than her last. She smiled at Shepard, "Yes. It's a beautiful ship. Joker seemed happy to see me. Although he did ask if I'd 'embraced eternity' lately."

Jade rubbed the back of her neck, embarrassed for Joker, "Of course he did."

"I also spoke with Dr. Chakwas, I'm glad she's doing well." Liara continued to explore Shepard's room stopping to look at all the model ships she had collected and her space hamster. "I brought you something. It took some digging, but I recovered your tags."

Jade took the box from her, a small smile on her features as she looked at her tags fondly.

Miranda's jaw tightened as she watched Jade's face light up, why hadn't she thought of that. Even more importantly why couldn't she make Jade smile like that, when she was with her.

"I thought I'd never see these again," Jade said looking at Liara gratefully as she placed her tags on her desk beside her private terminal.

"They changed hands more than once. Do you remember Admiral Hacket? He gave them to me so I could return them to you. He sends his best, and hopes you're okay." Liara pulled away from Jade looking at the fish that was in Jade's tank. "So how are you doing Shepard? I mean really. Not what you tell your squad to keep morale up."

Jade was quiet for a moment, how was she doing. It was true the nightmares had more or less stopped. There were some nights which were simply terrible, but Miranda made things tolerable. She would be fine, she was sure of that. But with the Reapers, there was still so much work to do, they were coming, soon. She could feel it. "Between you and me? I have no idea how we're going to do this. I'm doing everything I can, but..."

"You've done more than most," Liara said interrupting her.

Actually Jade had done everything, she was still doing everything she could to save the galaxy. She had sweated more and given more of herself than anyone to protect them. Liara was simply selling Jade short. Miranda thought bitterly. "She's the saviour of the galaxy," she said mostly to herself as she watched the events unfurl.

"You and your team destroyed the Collectors and walked out alive," Liara said.

Jade grinned, "We fought them in their own base, and we won. They can't call us young or primitive anymore."

Liara smiled, watching Jade, everything wore on her and yet she could still stand tall and laugh. "Young, you knowI'm 108...109 in a couple of months."

"I should get you something nice," Jade said turning to her as she took a seat on her bed looking up at Liara. She would make a mental note of that and find something for her. Judging from her apartment she still adored the Protheans, maybe she could get Kasumi to help. She would be able to tell her what was valuable and what was junk. Maybe they could search the ruins on Therum, there had to be something there.

Miranda gripped her desk, a pang of jealousy shooting through her, Jade would make sure to go all out for Liara's birthday, and she was sure that Shepard had no idea when her date of birth was.

"You're alive again. I've got everything I want," Liara replied closing the gap between the two of them.

Miranda would have gagged, did she have to make it so obvious that she still had feelings for her. She turned her attention to Jade, she couldn't be this blind could she? It was obvious that Liara harboured something for her, yet she made no move, made no comment to inform her that she was taken.

"So tell me what you want. What are you fighting for? The future for humanity, as evidenced by the Perfect Miss Lawson."

Jade looked at Liara rubbing the back of her neck, "So you knew, I was going to tell you but with everything going on..." she trailed off.

Miranda froze, wanting to hear Jade's answer.

"I'm not fighting just for humanity, Liara. I'm fighting for everyone...even the Batarians.." Jade sighed. "Miranda has her own issues, but she trusts me. Loves me even. I care about her."

There it was, Jade cared for everyone true it might have been more for her, considering that they slept together but there was her answer. No matter what she did it would always be. She turned her attention back to the scene in front of her Liara was talking about their first meeting.

"She was so cold when I first met her, completely focused on the task at hand on her duty."

Jade smiled, "I don't know that she's lightened up, that much," she said her thoughts turning to Miranda.

Miranda looked away muting the audio, she heard what they whispered about her. She was determined and focused, because someone had to be, their voices hadn't bothered her. But Shepard's...she switched off the video and headed to the Port observation deck, she needed a drink.

"But that's why I care for her; I need someone to keep me on track. Push me to be better. I lo-like Miranda for who she is," Jade said simply.

"She has, believe me. You have no idea how much you've changed her. I hope the two of you find some happiness Shepard." Jade nodded, a little happiness is what she needed more than anything. "Thanks for inviting me up Shepard." Liara hugged her feeling Jade stiffen at her touch before relaxing slightly returning the gesture of affection.

Jade watched Liara leave, things had changed between them, but now it didn't hurt as much. Maybe change wasn't so bad after all.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Reviews make me happy, and I'm going to try and update this story once a week. Of course the next update might be late because my computer ate it. Yes ate it. I had it finished and my computer decided it hated me and ate it. Throw in the fact that it puts a wrench on my next project after this which I won't start until this is finished or mostly finished. **

* * *

"One ought to hold on to one's heart; for if one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too."

- Friedrich Nietzsche

* * *

Shepard tapped her fingers against her desk; this was roughly the time that Miranda entered her room. She had even given the crew some time off so there would be less chance that they would be disturbed, she had disguised it by claiming it was for Liara, who had left hours ago. It would be there last moment of actual downtime for awhile, she had been putting off preparations for as long as possible, allowing the crew time to recover. There really was so much that they could be doing, the Quarian's and the Geth, helping Wrex unite the Krogan and then possibly getting Mordin to cure the genophage, convincing the Council to take action, preparing the Alliance. Somewhere along the line she'd would have to deal with Cerberus, wearing their god damn logo, wasn't doing her any favours all it did was put a bloody target on her back. And she'd have to solve the credit problem, without Cerberus backing there was no possible way that they could continue with their mission.

She couldn't exactly dismantle the organization they held way too much power and it would take a very long time to simply dismantle the organization. But she couldn't exactly go crawling back, and killing the Illusive Man was not in her best interest, Cerberus as a whole was a pathetically run organization, and the only competent agent, Miranda, had quit. It was the only reason she wasn't too worried about Cerberus striking back. By now the Illusive Man would be realizing that she had crippled Cerberus without even lifting a gun.

Jade sighed, everything else she could deal with, but Cerberus was complicated, it wasn't an issue where she could simply take a sledgehammer too. She would discuss it with the two former Cerberus operatives as well as EDI. Jade looked at the empty glasses and scratched her head; Miranda should have been in her cabin ages ago. She sighed, knowing Miranda she was probably doing a report, which made no sense they weren't with Cerberus anymore and she enjoyed not having to write the usual mission reports. Jade buttoned up her shirt and headed to the elevator, she didn't mind sleeping in Miranda's room she just didn't want to deal with Garrus first thing in the morning when she left set room in the clothes she wore the previous day.

The doors to the elevator hissed open and Jade came face to face with Miranda, "You're late—" she began only for Miranda to press against her kissing her hard. Jade responded instinctively, her arms wrapping around Miranda's waist, she had hoped to get lucky tonight. She felt Miranda forcefully pushing her back into her cabin, and allowed her to take control for the time being. Well she would have had she not tasted the alcohol on Miranda's breath, with a bit of effort Jade managed to slip away from Miranda. "Are you drunk?" she asked quickly putting some distance between the two of them.

"No," it was the truth she would have been happily drunk at this moment if Garrus hadn't been discussing Shepard's past relationship with the blue bitch. He seemed quite well versed in Shepard's sex life, of course that was probably due to the fact that the two of them swapped stories, each trying to outdo the other. However from the way Garrus told the story it seemed that Shepard had an Asari fetish of some sort seeing as most of Shepard's numerous previous partners had been Asari. Miranda couldn't help her curiosity and had asked Garrus how many humans had Shepard bedded, only to find out that he didn't know.

Jade nodded relaxing a bit, inwardly scolding herself. Miranda was never drunk, she had probably only had a drink from the party. "You're late," she pointed out, as she took a seat on her bed, quickly forgetting about the fact that Miranda had just thrown herself at her. They still had plenty of time to actually do the deed, and had she wanted a purely sexual relationship she would have been involved with Jack.

Miranda looked at Jade surprised; she had all but thrown herself at the hero, whose attention turned elsewhere, a frown crossed her features. Even though the sex had been mediocre lately due to all the interruptions, Shepard had always seemed eager. "I was listening to Garrus, talk about your Asari fetish."

"My what?" Jade asked completely startled.

"Your Asari fetish," Miranda repeated struggling to keep the bitterness out of her voice, "It's interesting to hear the number of Asari you've been with. I heard that you made the consort scream your name in ecstasy. Which then begs the question did you _fuck_ with that green Asari that we saw on Illium as well, she seemed to want you in her bed—"

Jade frowned inwardly making a mental note to shoot Garrus. "I didn't sleep with Shi'ala. I definitely shot at her clones, and I saved and spared her life, it's a crush nothing more," she interrupted dismissively. She studied Miranda, "Is this some strange way of asking me who I've been with?" she asked. "Or is this something else?"

It was the principle of the matter, Shepard could stop for half an hour to pleasure an Asari consort and bring her to orgasmic bliss, several times from the way Garrus told the story while on the hunt for Saren, Yet here they were and there was no immediate threat, and Shepard was either not in the mood or a distraction would cause her to stop whatever she was doing. Before she had died, there was nothing on Earth short of her ship getting attacked that could pull her away from Liara. It was possible that Shepard was simply not interested in her sexually. "I'm simply wondering if I must paint myself blue for you to actually be able to satisfy me. Or even pay attention to me."

Jade winced; it was true she had been distracted. The last time she was truly in the throes of passion, was with Liara and the result of that had ended with her being spaced. It was hard to focus on the task at hand when you were paranoid you were going to end up dead. She had literally been caught with her pants down and she didn't like it. When everything in the galaxy was gunning for you, it would be difficult to relax. "If you think it would help," Jade replied half jokingly.

Miranda wasn't amused, and it showed on her face. "Maybe it has nothing to do with your Asari fetish. It could of course be the fact you're still in love with Dr. T'Soni. And before you deny it, I was with you in the car. I heard your banter, you both want each other. We will never have what you and Liara have."

"Liara and myself decided it would be best if we remained friends," Jade pointed out defensively. "Besides she already knew that we were together. And I doubt she would have gone for the threesome this time," Jade added muttering the last part under her breath only half joking.

Miranda froze, "In your goddamn dreams Shepard," she said standing up abruptly and storming out of Shepard's room. "Of course now you probably think I'm sort of frigid bitch."

"Wait...what?" Jade said wondering where she had gone wrong. It had been a joke...mostly. Kaiden had the same reaction, of course most people seemingly took sex more seriously than she did. She frowned, Miranda had been spying on her. She would have been surprised or angry or hurt even betrayed if this wasn't incredibly Miranda. She was more upset at the fact that she had missed some of the spy equipment in her room that Miranda or anyone could exploit.

* * *

"Really Shepard?" You really asked Miranda for a threesome with your last girlfriend."

"Why are we talking about this? Why are we talking about me, do you people not have a life outside mine? Other friends that you like to gossip about?" Jade said defensively turning on Garrus, "And no my sex life is not small talk."

"That's hardly fair; you're getting way more sex than all of us combined. Seriously Shepard, you're always getting laid or getting offers, and most of the time you take them up. The fact that Miranda spends most nights in your room is not exactly fair."

"There is always Kelly, I'm pretty sure that she wants you," Jade commented dryly.

"That's only because you showed no interest in her," Garrus pointed out.

"We have completely deviated from the subject at hand which is why did you ask for a threesome with Miranda," Kasumi interrupted, getting a headache from watching the two bicker like children

"It was a joke, and even if it wasn't could anyone honestly blame me for trying?" Jade asked defensively looking to Garrus for support.

"You're on your own Commander, but no I certainly could not blame you."

"And you wonder why you don't have a significant other," Tali pointed out a teasing tone in her voice.

"It's because it would be a shame to take me off the market," Garrus shot back.

"Going back to the issue at hand, how do you plan to fix the mess you're in?"

Jade looked at Kasumi, "Why do I have to fix it? These things have a way of sorting themselves without my interference. They generally work out in my favour," Jade replied. "And I did nothing wrong, she was the one spying on me and she was the one who listened to Garrus. I have to worry about saving this godforsaken galaxy with a big fucking target on my back. In other words I have bigger issues to deal with. The Reapers aren't going to wait for me to get my love life back in order, and I've been more than generous with the time I've let everyone relax after our suicide mission. But we need to get ourselves back on track, all of us which means no more getting drunk every night because we have nothing to do. Trust me the next few months are paramount. Every race will be needed, and if the council will not listen to me I will make them listen."

"As dramatic as that is, I'm going to take from it that you're not interested on working on your relationship with Miranda."

"It will work out by itself, "Jade reiterated looking at Kasumi.

"Maybe, if you keep telling yourself that." Kasumi replied.

* * *

"Dr. T'soni is going to keep us alive for a few months, but even she can't completely devote all these resources to our cause forever Shepard," Miranda informed her keeping her tone business like. "Not to mention we must fund a separate research team to analyze the data that EDI managed to gather from the Collector Base, anything that would give us an edge against the Reapers."

"Miranda's right, you may not like Cerberus Commander but we need access to their resources and there is no red tape bullshit to deal with," Jacob chimed in.

"I'm not suggesting that we go work for Cerberus, but it would be the simplest solution though the Illusive Man will most definitely take steps to make sure that we do not cross him again."

"I say we..."Jack began

"We are not going to use this ship for piracy, we already have plenty of people gunning for us, we do not need more people gunning for us," Jade interrupted her. She gave Jack a smile, "That is not to say that if we run into any Batarian pirate ships we won't fight back and remove them from their credits, but we can not go attacking innocent people to fund this ship."

"What about the Council, you're a spectre can't you simply just ask them for the funding? Surely they can at least give you that, if you maybe apologize to them," Garrus pointed out.

Miranda snorted derisively, causing Jade to turn to her, "You want to add something?"

"No I just find it amusing that Garrus would suggest you apologizing, we all know Shepard doesn't apologize for her actions," there was a mocking tone in her voice and air in the room suddenly became more tense, all eyes flicked to Shepard who was for once carrying a gun on her.

Jade smiled, "She's right I don't apologize for anything that I've done, or haven't done." The smile didn't quite reach her eyes and she turned back to the rest of the crew. "So what do we have that doesn't me turning to the Council or Cerberus for help unless there really is no other way."

"What about the Alliance, you still have some connections there and with Anderson's help..."Tali began.

Jade winced, "Is still recovering from my decision two years ago, needless to say that I'm not exactly going to come back to a hero's welcome. Anderson could help but I mean really, I'll just be making that more difficult than it has to be. Maybe if my mom had become an Admiral I'd have slightly more leeway but she didn't and Anderson has retired."

"Really Shepard, do you make any friends at all? Or do you simply go through life just burning every hand that could possibly be an ally?" Kasumi asked.

"Let's be completely fair, I still have Hackett on my side. I made allies in the Rachni, despite the fact that all better judgment told me I should exterminate them. There was no way I was going to let Cerberus get their grubby hands on Collector and Reaper technology, I don't have time to go after them if they decide to build their own Reaper, which they will. Let's not forget the fact that the Council doesn't want to listen to me, they think I'm insane, well everyone but Anderson. Oh and let's not forget that I have Wrex on my side," Jade pointed out defensively.

"Do you have any idea on what you're doing?" Tali asked, "Or are you simply hoping that all your decisions over the past two years won't come back to haunt you, when the Reapers come."

"The only way to defeat the Reapers is to band together, from what history tells us there has only ever been one civilization that the Reapers ended up slaughtering. Now we have Turians, Salarian, Asari, Quarian, Drell, Krogan, Human, all of whom can fight the Reapers. If I throw in Rachni, our side we get exponentially stronger. The Rachni are probably our most powerful ally, as well as our most dangerous one. I took a gamble with them I will admit that, but so long as the Reapers don't get a hold of a Rachni queen we should be good. But yes I'm hoping that the whole Rachni thing doesn't come back to bite me in the ass."

"You heard what Han'Gerrel said, we would need a home to shelter our non-combatants," Tali pointed out.

"And we still need to figure out what to do about money," Jacob pointed out.

Jade rubbed her temples, "We'll work for Cerberus for now, but under my rules. If the Illusive Man wants to stand up for humanity then he should trust that I know what I'm doing. If he can not deal with that then I will go to war with him, and he will end up very dead. And by my rules I mean I really do not want to see a fucking Cerberus logo on or in this ship. I am not going to advertise the fact that we have Cerberus backing. As for the whole Geth vs Quarian thing we can discuss that later."

"You are aware of the fact that I resigned from Cerberus," Miranda pointed out. "And that by returning that would mean that the Illusive Man will be back to receiving daily reports about everything that goes on in this ship. And there will be consequences for us screwing him over."

Jade shrugged, "Nothing goes on in this ship that you don't know about, so I don't see how this is a problem. Send him daily reports if he asks it's not like we're secretly plotting the end of the universe, if he wants to comment on what I'm doing or has a problem with the way I'm running things we can talk and I will pretend to listen." Jade stood up dismissing them her eyes coming to a rest on Miranda who was always the last one to leave.

"Commander." Miranda said getting up.

"Is that it?" Jade questioned looking at Miranda, "We're not going to talk or anything?"

"Talk? You made it quite clear that you do not apologize for your actions or lack of action," Miranda responded. "I am not here to fulfill your teenage fantasies Shepard."

"It was a joke, said at the wrong possible time, but it was a joke none the less. And I won't apologize for having to save this stupid galaxy," Jade said studying Miranda.

"So save the galaxy just don't expect me to always be second to the mission and the crew. I don't have time for heroes Shepard, I never have."

Jade didn't respond as she watched Miranda storm out of the room.

* * *

Shepard watched the Illusive Man pacing, "You know I do have a galaxy to save, so if we could hurry this up. All I need is the funds to continue my mission, you know very well that I'm the only who can truly pull this off. The Rachni owe me, Wrex trusts me, the Quarians will soon be grateful to me, I've already got the Geth ready to fight the Reapers, because they are loyal to me."

"The price is too steep Shepard, you are asking me to funnel most of Cerberus's resources into your mission, this will cost me time and money and I have no guarantee that it will secure human dominance in the universe," the Illusive Man took a seat studying Shepard.

"One would assume that the continued existence of our species would be part of the whole human dominance thing. Besides I'm going to war, the best way to secure human dominance is after the oncoming war. I loathe what Cerberus stands for; you are nothing but a bunch of xenophobic idiots, who insist that humanity, deserves to be on top. We have a seat on the council; we also have the greatest military force in the galaxy. Do you honestly think that the Alliance, Anderson, hell even Udina do not have humanities best interest at heart?"

"And yet they didn't stop our colonies from disappearing. You stopped the Collectors before they could hit Earth Shepard. Cerberus is humanity, Shepard, we cannot be bound by the whims of politicians, I will do anything in my power to save our species. I brought you back because I believed that you would do the same."

"If Cerberus is humanity, you are the very worst of humanity. The only reason I worked for you because the mission that you gave me was because you convinced me that the Collectors were somehow involved with the Reapers. If the Council believed the story of the Reapers, do you honestly think that they would have just sat around? Hell if the Alliance believed me? The only reason I'm even talking to you is because the Reapers must be stopped. You have the means to help me stop them, and you are aware that I'm the only one who can stop them. I am willing to sell my soul to the devil if it means protecting this stupid galaxy which seems obsessed with wanting me dead. I have already sacrificed my humanity, I've already crossed the line numerous times and become a monster, and I can now live with those decisions. What I won't do, is sacrifice the soul of our species, so you can attempt to damn us all."

Jade paused collecting her thoughts, there was no point in debating with the Illusive Man. "We have digressed from the issue at hand and I am not in the mood for a debate with you. Our short term goals are still the same. We both want to stop the Reaper threat, though it might pain you to admit it, I'm the only one in this galaxy who can pull this off. Until the Reaper threat is solved, our goals are still the same. You may not like my decisions, and I certainly do not like you, but we both know what needs to be done. We should put aside our differences to get the job done."

"What you're saying is true Shepard, but from your past actions how do I know you won't betray me?" The Illusive Man asked. "There has to be some collateral."

"I never betrayed you. You gave me one mission, stop the Collectors from ravaging our colonies, I completed the mission. I'm not going to make Cerberus stronger, especially given your pathetic track record when it comes to projects. Overlord, I had to come clean that shit up for you. The whole biotic death camp blew up in your face as well. There was no way I was giving you a potential weapon of mass destruction that I would probably have to clean up later. I am not in the business of making more work for myself."

"Shepard, you can't leave me with nothing, this is a negotiation and you have yet to hear my terms."

Jade frowned slightly, he did have a point, she couldn't just take and hope that there were no consequences, "Fine. But I'm taking your fucking logo off my ship, and our fucking clothes. That's non-negotiable, I am not going to walk around wearing the symbol of a god damn terrorist cell, impressionable people might get the wrong idea."

The Illusive man ignored her tirade, "Operative Lawson returns to Cerberus. That is non-negotiable."

Jade froze for a split second, "Miranda quit, I can't force her to go back to you. And if you harm her sister to get to her, then well I will kill you. I don't like people fucking with my crew.'"

"So what you are saying is if Miranda wants to rejoin Cerberus she would be able to?"

The frown on Jade's face grew, "If Miranda wants to leave all she has to do is ask, she completed the mission that was given to her. She did not sign on to save the galaxy from the Reapers."

The Illusive Man smiled, "You will find her request to leave in your messages then. There will be a Cerberus vessel to pick her up on Illium. It was a pleasure doing business with you Commander."

The call was disconnected leaving Jade Shepard standing there in the comm. room her emotions were all over the place, ranging from shock to anger to hurt. She pushed them aside, maybe the Illusive Man had gotten to Miranda through her sister. She couldn't be mad without knowing all the details. She resisted the urge to storm into Miranda's office and start chewing her out. She hated being caught off guard, especially when it came to the Illusive Man, she also resisted the urge to go into Miranda's office and start on an emotional tirade.

"Commander?" Miranda said looking up at Jade from, "I'm assuming from the look on your face that you have received my request to leave." Miranda said coolly her eyes meeting Jade's. "Cerberus has offered me my old position back. And you are quite capable of defeating the Reapers without my assistance. You certainly didn't need me to help you in the Collector base, and you won't need me to help you with the Reapers."

Jade frowned, "If you want to go back to being the Illusive Man's genetic mutt, then who am I to stop you? We'll be on Illium in a few hours." Jade turned to exit the room.

To suggest that Miranda was anything less than surprised would be an understatement. Others would have fallen for her manipulations, but Shepard hadn't taken the bait. She hadn't expected Shepard to fall to her knees begging for her to stay, but she had expected something...anything that would force Shepard to show that she cared.

Jade stopped half-way through the door, "And for the record, you were right. I didn't need you." With that she left letting the doors slide close behind her, not looking back.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hmm I have a nice buffer, it's just three chapters, but it's at least better than nothing. Hmm I have a feeling that you won't like the content of this chapter. Or the next, or the next, or the next...let me point out that I could have made this considerably darker, like considerably darker I just chose not to, and lets face it the Illusive Man doesn't exactly strike me as the forgiving type. And I'm taking things from the entire universe of Mass effect, characters who haven't appeared in the game will appear in this story. They will have minor roles, just wanted to give everybody a heads up is all.  
**

* * *

It's easy to forget that **happiness** is like anything else worth having, whether that be a good relationship or good physical fitness. It usually involves struggle, **sacrifice**, even pain.

- Darrin McMahon

* * *

"You know Shepard all you need to do is apologize." Garrus said attempting to help his friend. To say that Shepard was in a mood would simply be the greatest understatement of the century. Shepard seemed to barely tolerate everyone's existence. This of course had started after Miranda's sudden departure. The crew wasn't blind nor were they deaf, everyone could see the tension that had been between the two women. But now the tension was worse, and it had gotten worse. Not to mention the balance was gone on the team. Shepard was many things, unfortunately she wasn't as efficient as Miranda. Gone was Miranda's careful manipulations, leaving only Shepard who preferred to simply beat things into submission. The two of them complimented each other perfectly. He had seen what the two of them could do when they worked together, when they had rescued Miranda's sister. But the important thing was that Shepard had been happy.

"For the last time, I don't apologize, especially when I did nothing wrong." Jade Shepard placed the dossier down that she had been pouring over, she needed a new XO. The Normandy still wasn't exactly back to 100%, it could still take anyone stupid enough to attack the ship, but it still needed work. She wasn't going to take this ship into Geth space until the ship was ready. With Miranda gone she needed to fill in the position quickly. If only Ash wasn't being a complete tool about her working with Cerberus. She had half a mind to use her spectre status to get Ashley assigned to her team but that would only piss her off.

"Shepard I have to ask-how many successful relationships have you actually been in? That lasted longer than a few months," Garrus asked her. "And you can't count your relationship with Liara you were dead for two years." Jade gave him a dirty look. "Look all I'm trying to say is that there is nothing wrong with saying you're sorry."

"So I've heard," Jade commented dryly picking up the dossier. "Miranda made her choice; she wanted to return to Cerberus. Whatever feelings I do...or do not have for her, is none of your business and is also in the past. Our mission is way too important to let—petty distractions sidetrack us" She paused, looking up at her friends. "That was me politely asking you to stay out of my personal life. We all know what will happen when I decide to no longer be polite. Shotguns will come out." With that Shepard returned to the dossier in front of her.

"Except you're miserable and taking it out on the crew. Really Shepard if you weren't acting like a child who hasn't gotten her way then no one would even care that you broke up with Miranda. You're the idiot who drove away an excellent XO, with your stupid pride. If you had simply apologized to Miranda, maybe a little romance every now and again she'd still be here. You wouldn't be miserable,"

"Miranda left without either of us attempting to fix anything, meaning that there was obviously nothing there for us to fix. She wanted things from me that I wouldn't and couldn't give her. I am not being a child about this."

"We had to drag you to say goodbye to her when we arrived on Illium," Tali pointed out.

"Because I didn't want to say goodbye. Why the fuck are we talking about this? I said we were done talking about my personal life. It's not up for discussion any more. Miranda is gone I have to deal with it, so I'm dealing with it. As soon as she left she joined the other people whose existence I no longer care about. So let me make this perfectly clear drop it. Or I space you." With that Shepard stormed off, not bothering to look back.

Garrus looked around the table, "I think that went well. We definitely got our point across. Of course if we keep pushing Shepard will probably kill us but all in all good job."

"I think we should just give her time, Shepard always does the right thing in the end. Even if she really doesn't want to. I wouldn't count the two of them out just yet."

"The reason why I picked this place was because I don't like a lot of traffic. And you haven't exactly visited down or talked to me in ages Shepard. Not since you started fucking the Cerberus Cheerleader."

"I'm not going to lie, Miranda wanted me to stay away from you and considering the fact that you tried to jump me, I figured it wasn't exactly an unreasonable request," Jade pointed out defensively. She seemed to be doing that a lot, defending her actions her choices. Informing the crew that Miranda had been leaving had been a nightmare and they were still talking about it. Still blaming her for Miranda leaving, she hadn't done anything wrong Miranda had been the one who decided to leave. It was probably the wisest decision as well, even if she didn't like it. The tension between the two of them was harming the unity and morale.

"I got it, you weren't interested in me. I can handle myself Shepard," Jack snapped as Jade slid into a sitting position on the floor crossing her legs.

"And yet you're pissed at me for choosing the Cerberus Cheerleader over you," Jade said looking up at her.

"Bullshit."

Jade shrugged, picking up the file, "Both of us are damaged goods Jack, we couldn't handle each other's bullshit no matter how hard we tried. We both know this, but in that is the attraction. If we had a relationship, it would be passionate fiery; violent and maybe one day there would be peace. We'd hurt each other to much for it to ever be a stable relationship."

Jack watched her, "So you chose the bitch over me? You love her or something?" she spat.

Jade was quiet and shrugged, "Doesn't matter she's gone and we've got bigger issues to deal with," she pointed out.

Jack smirked, "Shit Shepard, you've gone soft."

"I know, and I can't be, not for what we're going to do. I need to be Commander Shepard, Butcher of Torfan, Hero of the Citadel, the biggest fucking bad ass in the galaxy. And I can't. Not with Miranda around," Jade answered honestly. "Miranda can't deal with the fact that she can't have all of me, it's not something I can give her not now. Unfortunately no one seems to understand this."

"I noticed, everyone on the ship seems to think that you should simply apologize and fuck her more."

"I can't, when I'm with her. I don't want to be Commander Shepard, I don't want to fight anymore. The last time this happened I ended up dead. She's probably the only one on this crew that doesn't see me as some big hero, she sees me as an idiot who seems to enjoy getting shot at. And it feels absolutely amazing." Jade looked at Jack. "Don't worry you'll find someone, who can deal with your bullshit."

Jack snorted, "You have gone soft."

Jade smirked, "Shsh don't tell the crew they might lose faith in me, not like that hasn't happened already. Now help me find a new XO, someone needs to do Miranda's job because I sure as hell don't want to."

* * *

The Illusive Man sat quietly in the sole chair in the room; he tapped his cigarette against the ashtray before returning the cigarette to his lips. His odd steely blue eyes focused on the bound body that had been wheeled into the room. She would be awake soon. She had been a fool, did she really think that she could cross him and there be no consequences. Shepard's actions in the Collector Base had been regrettable, predictable and forgivable. She was still humanities only hope.

He had underestimated Jade's Shepard's ability to inspire loyalty in her team mates, he had heard that she had been gifted with that particular trait, the charisma that inspired blind loyalty. What he hadn't expected was for Miranda to fall under Shepard's spell, especially given their initial hostility to each other, two alpha females fighting for territory. Such betrayals could not be tolerated and he had nearly lost his most efficient and loyal operative.

The Illusive Man turned his attention back to the naked woman bound in front of him, studying her. The glow of the blue star also played across the skin of the person, manacled and spread-eagled in the middle of the expansive room. The glow was reflected on the manacles that gripped Miranda's limbs tightly. They had been designed to disrupt the effects of biotics, they had been crafted specifically for Subject Zero, it had been easy to acquire them for Miranda. His eyes traveled the length of Miranda's body, her skin was flawless, as was her body from her athletically toned body. The Illusive Man shifted in his seat trying to hide his arousal as he studied her body.

A low groan echoed around the room, as Miranda stirred, She had been taken by surprise an invisible nerve agent as she had been transported to a secret Cerberus facility. Miranda blue eyes slowly opened, and she blinked rapidly trying to grow accustomed to the rather poor lighting in the room.

The Illusive man sat back watching her, there was no emotion on his features as he picked up his wine glass. He hated getting his hands dirty, but this required the perfect touch. This wasn't something that could be left to bumbling minions.

Miranda eyes quickly turned to her shackles , the big metal cuffs binding her limbs and holding her in place and tugged. She let out a small grunt, their wasn't even an inch of give, and she quickly realized just how tightly she had been bound. Miranda focused willing up her biotics, she would crack the cuffs with her biotics and escape...nothing. There was nothing. There was no usual surge of power that came with her activating her implant. And then came the pain. The pain was sharp, intense and sudden, as it felt like her brain was about to split into two, and Miranda struggled not to scream out

"Ingenious device isn't it? It was created for Subject Zero. It was based off a design that Batarian slaver's use to hold human biotics." He tapped his cigarette against the ash tray and took another sip from the wine glass.

Miranda eye's narrowed, when she heard the Illusive Man's voice, and looked up. "What is the meaning of this? I came back to Cerberus."

"This is after you betrayed me. I ordered you to stop Shepard and prevent her from destroying the Collector Base. You resigned. It was really quite rude." Another irritating tap of the cigarette on the ash tray.

Miranda thought fast, "Shepard—"

"Has been spending quite a bit of time with Subject Zero, Please Miranda, expecting Commander Shepard to save you? You are the one who decided to come back to Cerberus in fact." The Illusive Man paused and pushed a button.

_As soon as she left she joined the other people whose existence I no longer care about._ Shepard's harsh words filled the room, cutting Miranda deeply.

"Surprised? I still have monitoring devices on the Normandy, you didn't disable them all Miranda. I'm disappointed Miranda, Shepard must have had a greater effect on you than even I imagined. Expecting Shepard to come to your rescue? It's unbecoming. But I also never expected you of all people to betray me. Jacob, I could deal with but you Miranda. You are—were my very best operative."

Miranda looked away, "I never betrayed you, I have always done what I can for humanities best interests. It wasn't in humanities best interest to keep the base," Miranda defended her actions.

"I gave you an order, whatever you believe is no concern of mine." The Illusive Man pointed out.

Miranda gritted her teeth, "So what are you going to do? Torture me? Try and break me?" Miranda spat, still trying to think of a way out of this.

There Illusive Man watched Miranda and smiled, "Now Miranda, I already know your greatest weakness. To simply get to you, all I need to do is go after your sister. And because I know how much you enjoy having all the information, If you escape then I'm sure your sister could take your place, she is after all your genetic twin. I have agents waiting to pick her up if I lose you."

"If you touch..."

"Yes I know you'll kill me," he said in a bored tone. The Illusive Man stood up, his eyes focusing on Miranda, "I have no intention to kill you Miranda, I only wish to ensure your loyalty remains to Cerberus to me."

"You have me bound and naked, with plans to torture me. You're not doing a very good job of securing my loyalty," Miranda pointed out.

The Illusive Man looked at her, "You've been spending too much time with Shepard, except her bravado has been earned. Did the Commander tell you what she did after Torfan? There was five years after Torfan, before Shepard joined the crew of the Normandy. And yet those years are not a matter of public record. Most of those files have been redacted. Had you used your...influence over Shepard she could have been a powerful ally for Cerberus." There was a look of confusion on Miranda's face. "Shepard is a hypocrite, that is the most important to note. Torture, murder, you name it Shepard has probably had a hand in it. If the Alliance had a target they would call Shepard. She wasn't held accountable for anything so long as she was never caught. This wasn't a problem because no one ever survived. Shepard never left any survivors. No matter how old they were."

"Shepard would never cross that line," Miranda spat.

"There are no lines when it comes to Shepard, whatever it takes to complete the mission. No matter what the cost. It's why I'm surprised that she chocked when it came to giving me the Collector Base, something that you could have convinced her if you had simply agreed with me." The Illusive Man turned around and suddenly images began to appear behind him. Miranda looked up, seeing Jade's face and her mouth went dry. "This is Shepard's true face Miranda. Shepard systematically killed every man, child in this colony. She killed the children first, wanting the adults to talk. They did. And then she continued her execution. Leaving a pile of bodies in her wake."

"Why?" she managed.

"They were harbouring a dangerous criminal, had Shepard simply asked they would have given her the information. She broke them before she killed them. She got the job done and that's all that mattered. From what I gathered it was a dry run for her Spectre status, the Council wanted the criminal, Shepard delivered him. He was missing a few teeth and was screaming to get away from her. At least that's what I gather from the footage and the heavily redacted file. The amusing thing is they blamed the murders on Cerberus."

Miranda watched as Shepard pushed a child and placed her pistol against a child's head and looked up at the men and women in the room. The look on Shepard's face was nothing like the one that she had gotten used to. The usual emotion in Shepard's eyes was gone, only cold determination in her eyes as she pulled the trigger. This was Shepard. But Shepard had always been honest with who she was, but this...she had no idea this was in Shepard's past. "Are you trying to turn me against her?"

"It doesn't really matter, I just wanted you aware of just who you fell into bed with. But it seems that your loyalty still lies with Shepard and that will not do."

"What are you going to do about it? Miranda asked.

"You are aware of what happened in Mindoir, how the Batarians kept control of their slaves? It was a rather messy horrific process where they inserted cranial implants without anaesthetic..." the Illusive man trailed off smiling at her coldly. "Well I'm not a barbarian you will have anaesthetic, but you will be mine Miranda."

Miranda's blood ran cold, she had heard that the process on Mindor had driven most of their captives insane, "Shepard will come for me."

The Illusive Man smiled, "No you will go to her. I realize that I should have listened to you, Shepard fully committed to Cerberus's cause would make me unstoppable. You'll bring her to me, she trusts you. She might even love you, but I doubt it. You will bring her back to Cerberus. But I am getting ahead of myself," he studied Miranda's body once again; he could have her after the procedure was done. He sat back down in his seat, "You can take her to get the procedure done now," he ordered as he took a sip of his wine.

"You won't get away with this," Miranda spat at him as she was wheeled out of the room.

"Who's going to stop me? Shepard has forgotten about you , and you will be bringing her to me. Maybe after I do that I will have you bring your sister into the fold. Anything is possible Miranda," he replied as Miranda was wheeled out of the room. He turned his attention back to the images, he wanted her. And he would do anything to have her, no one turned their back on him. No one defied him so openly. Shepard made his life more difficult than it had to be. He would break her before he placed the cranial implant in her head. Jade Shepard would be his.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I need more stuff set up before Shepard and Miranda meet again which will be in the next chapter, which will be a long one**. **So I have introduced a new character. **

* * *

"God seeks comrades and claims **love**, the Devil seeks **slaves** and claims obedience."

- Rabindranath Tagore

* * *

Garrus leaned against a crate as he watched Shepard go through her exercise routine, she had been chucked out of engineering by Tali for attempting to help the engineers. Everyone was pulling double duty trying to get the ship repaired. Shepard had offered to help, but it was clear that Shepard had ineptitude for anything mechanical. After a near explosion, Shepard had been booted out of Engineering. Tali ordering her to go shoot something, this of course led to her grumbling about nothing to do because no one on the ship needed her help. Well at least her brand of help, and her plans hinged on the fact that Shepard needed a fully functional ship. He had been tasked with keeping Shepard from attempting to help again. She had been avoiding the vast majority of the crew these days preferring to spend most of her time alone working. She had even begun to take her meals in her own cabin or the comm. room. The few times that she did come out to update herself on the crew she had avoided him, barely nodding in his direction. This was currently the first time that they had been alone together and she hadn't said two words to him. He sighed, "Want to spar?" he questioned her watching her stop her push-up midway through and look up at him.

"You want me to kick your ass?" Jade asked him a confused look on her face.

Garrus's mandibles twitched in amusement, "So now you talk to me."

Jade swung herself into a seated position crossing her legs as she looked up at the Turian, "The thought of kicking your ass is too much of an opportunity to pass up. Besides I didn't want to hear everyone discussing my life. It's like having my mother around, and I haven't seen my mother in years. For good reason." Jade added. She studied her friend, "I never pry into your life, you tell me what you wish for me to know, and I leave it at that. I don't want to talk about her. Despite what everyone may think, I'm fine." Shepard said standing up. "We've got a galaxy to save, if I don't focus on it and give it my full attention, the Reapers win."

"I know, but you should apologize anyway Shepard. Even if you have no intention of continuing your relationship, it won't hurt to have Miranda on our side when the Reapers come, and if we do win, you might have another shot. You can't go through life, as you humans say, burning all bridges. We might need her later, and then what are you going to do? It might be too late. And besides it might be good to have someone in Cerberus who you trust."

Shepard looked at him, watching him. She had sent a message to Miranda, through her sister, but she had sent a message. It had been short and to the point. She needed her XO back, she was incapable of filling the position. No one was as efficient as Miranda, no one was Miranda. They were either to cold, or to warm, they didn't have excellent combat records. They weren't as smart as her, there was only one Miranda and Shepard wanted her XO back. "I'll think about it," Jade said finally with a shrug. "Come on let's go over some simulations, you might see something that I missed. Or might have an idea that I haven't had," Shepard said.

"Is that's what you've been working on?" Garrus said.

"Amongst other things," Jade replied a smile on her face. "When the Normandy is back in order we'll head to the Migrant Fleet and then heading into Geth Space."

"Do you have a plan?" Garrus asked her, "The Geth and the Quarians hate each other. You're not going to fix a problem that's been going on for three hundred years in a few hours Shepard."

Jade merely smiled, "Please Garrus, you forget who you're talking to."

"The person who still hasn't convinced the Council that the Reapers exist," Garrus pointed out his mandibles twitching in amusement.

Jade rolled her eyes, "Only because they are stupid, I can't do anything for people who don't want to look at the mountains of evidence. The Geth do know that the Reapers exist, the Quarians seem too believe me. I can make this work; I can end this stupid war between the Geth and the Quarians."

Garrus was quiet for a moment and looked at her, "You do realize that if you end this war, the galaxy will realize that you're alive. And there goes the Councils order to keep a low profile. They aren't going to like that Shepard."

"I'm hoping on it." Jade said with a smirk. She was going to put the galaxy on notice, and there was only one way to do it. She was going to show the Council how irritating it was to be backed into a corner. She was going to force them to start getting ready. The whole galaxy needed to be on notice, if they were caught off guard then they would all die. But for now she needed to be amassing power, she needed everyone to look to her as the saviour. The Illusive Man was right to a certain extent, the galaxy needed a symbol to unite everyone, she had no problem being that symbol. Her affiliation with Cerberus was a blessing in disguise; and she would use it to her advantage.

"As long as you know what you're doing Shepard."

"I always do."

* * *

Her head hurt. In fact everything hurt, but it was if her head was being split in two. She quickly scanned her surroundings, had it all been a bad dream? She was still in her cell. She tried to move her arms, feeling the now familiar tightness of the cuffs, and felt her heart drop, desperately trying to remember what had happened the last time they had wheeled her out of her the room. She vaguely remembered the med lab and froze, had they already implanted the chip. She struggled to remember. But there was nothing. The door to her cell suddenly slid open and Miranda turned to the figure half expecting the Illusive Man, she was mistaken. Miranda snarled, "You."

The man gave her a lazy smile, "If it isn't the soon to be the Illusive Man's private slut." The man stared at her luridly, taking in the sight of her still naked body. "It's a shame that he isn't big on the sharing. But he said I could have a crack at Shepard if I wanted, I'd love to get my hand on that bitch. She's a traitor to our species, fucking Asari. At least you brought her back to our fucking species. "

She needed to get out of this. She needed to warn Shepard, she needed to get ___Oriana_ to safety. "You're just upset that Shepard was...is better than you. She became the face of the Alliance, while you were kicked to the side. Arrested and left to rot, "Miranda said trying to bite back her anger.

The man's face twisted into something ugly, "Better than me? That slut slept her way to the top," he spat.

Miranda snorted, "Struck a nerve Leng? Shepard's combat records are better than yours. Why do you think that the Illusive Man spent 4 billion credits resurrecting her? If you were better than her, why didn't he tell you to go after the Collector base? You could have led a small fleet through the Omega-4 Relay. You're a failure, the only reason he took an interest in you was because you shared his xenophobic attitudes and you had the same training as the Saviour of the Galaxy. He had believed that you could be his twisted version of Shepard. Except you're not her and everyone knows it. She can do the impossible and quickly make it possible." Kai Leng snarled again getting into her face, wanting desperately to wipe that arrogant look of Miranda's face, but the Illusive Man had said that he wasn't to harm her. Miranda gave him a small smile, "What are you doing here Kai? Last time I heard you were getting your knees replaced. I half expected the Illusive to come and gloat."

"No, he gave me the honour of making sure that the implant was working correctly."

"Well I feel fi—" Miranda let out an ear shattering scream as his omni-tool appeared and he activated the implant. An agonizing pain shot through her head, spreading slowly through every muscle of her body. If Miranda's hands had been free she would have clawed at her head, anything that would have caused the pain to stop.

"Ouch, that sounds like it hurts," his voice was alight with amusement enjoying the sounds of her screams as he watched her body writhe as much as it possible could given the constraints. It served the bitch right, he would show her who was better.

Her screams finally died down, and an almost imperceptible whimper escaped Miranda's lips as her throat went dry. The last sound of a free woman. "I live to serve," Miranda now toneless and emotionless voice echoed into the air. She was trapped in her own mind

Leng's smile simply grew wider, "I'm sure that the Illusive Man will be pleased to hear that Miranda." He quickly grabbed her jaw roughly and studied her looking for any sense of defiance on her face or in her eyes. Pleased at the fact he saw none he released her face. "Should see about getting you to act more like yourself though, the bitch will see through this in a second," he commented offhandedly as he left the room leaving Miranda to her own thoughts. The only thing that they couldn't take away from her.

* * *

Jade rotated the simulation, playing it yet again, trying to watch it from every angle, as she sat in the comm. room by herself. She barely looked up as the doors hissed open and Tali walked in. "Tali," she greeted still not looking up at her as she played with the settings of the simulation. She frowned and went back to look at the file that was placed in front of her, going over the figures again. _"We are legion. The time of our return is coming. Our numbers will darken the sky of every world."_ Sovereign's words echoed in her head.

"You wanted to see me?" Shepard motioned for her to take a seat, before going back to inputting data. Tali watched her in silence slightly paying to the data that Shepard was inputting. "Is that Fleet data?" Tali asked, her voice raising in anger,

Jade didn't look up from what she was doing as she continued to input the data, "Yes," came the singular reply as she finished leaning back to play the new simulation. It was the Quarian fleet attacking a singular Reaper, the simulation played and Shepard looked at the results, frowning a bit. "Better," she muttered to herself.

Tali was aghast, "You plan on sacrificing the Migrant Fleet against the Reapers? Shepard I trusted you I—" Tali began, ripping into Jade who finally looked up a wry smile on her face.

"The Quarians have the largest fleet in the Galaxy, even bigger than the Alliances, and we need all the help we can get," Jade pointed out turning off the simulation so she could focus on Tali. "However your fleet is useless to me as it is."

"We don't have the luxury of having the most advanced ship in the Citadel," Tali responded testily.

"That's not what I meant," Jade replied smoothly, "Your fleet isn't a military fleet it's basically a housing unit for you, and it's not equipped to be front line. It might scare off Slavers but against Reapers..." Jade trailed off turning the simulation on. "Maximum casualties, basically the extinction of your species," Jade continued as the two women watched a Reaper Ship tear through the migrant fleet.

"We need a home world Shepard, we need to be able to shelter our non-combatants."

"I know," Jade replied simply, "You want your home world back, I understand that."

"It's not that simple Shepard, you have your home world. If you wanted you could be there in a few hours. My home is a ship that's falling apart, where the engine could stall. You can actually eat food Shepard, I'm stuck with nutrient paste. You can feel the touch of your lover's skin on yours. If I even try I could die. The things you take for granted, are things that I can never experience. And you don't understand, you will never understand."

Jade was quiet for a moment, "I was born on a ship, a military ship. I was an accident, the best possible type of accident according to my parents but still an accident. And Earth, well that's a shit hole, wouldn't go to Earth unless it was absolutely necessary and then afterward I'd spend a week in decontamination, and then a week in a shower to get clean. So no I don't really have a home, hell the last time I saw my mother and father was after we saved the Citadel and I got a medal. And I've had plenty of opportunity to see them."

"Why haven't you? Family is important you never know when one of them could disappear. You just live to regret, the time you didn't spend with them."

Jade fingered the deep scars on her face trailing over them gently as her eyes glowed, "I died," she pointed out. She was quiet again, "I digress though, I do understand what you're going through, at least I get it. So we're going to get you your home world back."

"Impossible, there are too many Geth, you're good Shepard but you would need the Citadel Fleet to take back my home world. We would need a fleet Shepard,"

Jade snorted, "Please, I'm amazing and I don't believe in the concept of impossible," she commented dryly.

"We would still need a fleet, Shepard...and no offence but nearly everyone in the galaxy wants you dead. No one is going to give you a fleet," Tali said.

"Why is that the only solution? The Geth can talk, they are sentient beings. I certainly wouldn't sit around while you tried to wipe me out. True the Geth are beings of logic, but they aren't exactly serial killers and mass murderers they pretty much mind their own business behind the veil. So why don't we simply just make a bloody peace treaty that moves the Geth from Quarian Space or at least allows the two of you to work together. Because... let's face it you two need to work together."

"The Quarians can't work with the Geth Shepard; they murdered millions of my people and drove us into space for three hundred years. We will never be able to simply work together. I doubt we can even coexist."

"You and Legion coexisted just fine, I even took the both of you on missions and you weren't trying to kill each other. You coexisted and even helped each other out so none of this we can't coexist nonsense. You can, the Geth can certainly work together with you if you give them the opportunity,"

"And if they only lure us onto our home world so they can slaughter us? Are you really going to risk that? Shepard we've already made the Geth stronger, and my people cannot handle another war. And if they found out what my father did, there will be another war." Tali argued.

"And the alternatives are? Your people have been searching for 300 years and have yet to find another planet similar to the one you lost, and even then it still won't be desirable, because you'd still be stuck in the suits. You could attempt to retake your home planet but that would be foolish and a pointless waste of life. The Council won't help you because let's face they really don't give a shit about your people Tali, they only really care about Asari, Turian and Salarian needs, even with a human on the Council. They kicked your people out of the Embassy when the Geth rose up and killed your people. Do you honestly think that they out of all people are going to simply to jump in and help? Or you could form a peace with the Geth with minimum casualties involved," Jade finished looking at her.

"My people want a war Shepard. You do realize that Zaal'Koris vas ___Qwib Qwib was in the minority. Geth sympathizer's are not well liked among my people for good reason."_

"I think it's a stupid reason, your people should take some responsibility for their actions, there are consequences for your actions."

"Millions of my people died Shepard," Tali started her voice raising.

"Because you attempted to commit genocide and they fought back and won, I don't understand how I'm really supposed to feel sorry for your people Tali. You were in the wrong and you've paid for it," Jade stopped herself and sighed. "I'm not trying to convince the Admiralty board, I'm trying to convince Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, a member of my crew who is still upset about losing most of her team on Haestrom. The pointless waste of life over data, don't tell me you want to relive that again."

Tali was quiet for a second and looked away, "No."

Jade nodded, "I don't mean to pressure you," she said easing off Tali. "You can talk to Legion about this if you wish, you could form a peace treaty with them."

"The Admiralty Board would never accept."

"I plan to make them see reason," Jade replied, the harsh look on her features softening. "About Haestrom, if you ever need to talk...my door is always open."

Tali nodded, noting that the conversation was finished as she slid out of the chair and began to head back down to engineering, before pausing. "Shepard where exactly did you get the Fleet information?"

"Cerberus and the Shadow Broker," Jade answered looking up at her. "Don't worry I encrypted the files."

"Surprisingly that doesn't make me feel any better considering your encryptions skills are at best rudimentary," Tali commented walking over to Jade her omni-tool scanning over Jade's. Within a few seconds, Tali had cracked Jade's shoddy encryption attempt. "You need to work on that, someone could get their hands of an important file."

Jade nodded, "I'll work on it." She said going back to the simulations.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Oh look it's my longest chapter to date. **

* * *

"Short of homicide, [**rape**] is the "ultimate violation of self."

- Byron R. White

* * *

"You need to fill the XO position Shepard, we need someone who is efficient at getting things done and you can't be bogged down in paper work. You can't keep putting this off. Miranda handles the concerns of the crew. There are things that don't involve shooting something out of existence. Things that do not fall under your domain," Jacob said.

"What do you want me to do drag Miranda back?" Jade countered.

"No what I want you to do is fill the position; you're the only one capable of filling the position. We aren't as efficient as we were before, and we are seriously lacking firepower. Our squad has been greatly depleted, we've lost nearly everyone, Samara, Thane, Grunt, Zaeed, Miranda. Hell even Kasumi is thinking about leaving, we don't need her right now and she misses her old life. You're busy three quarters of the time researching ways on effective ways to bring down a Reaper you can't do everything at the same time. We need a full squad to do what you plan to do next."

Jade looked at him, she had been stretched thin as of late, she knew it as did everyone else, she couldn't exactly fathom how much Miranda actually did in a day. She had been overextended trying to keep morale up and attempting to do Miranda's job at the same time. She couldn't remember the last time she had slept for more than half an hour, and she realized that it showed. "No one can do what Miranda does, and if they do I doubt that they have the combat skills Miranda brought to the team. I need someone who for the most part is Miranda. I only want the best serving on my squad, and having my back. They need to be the best considering the fact that everyone in the galaxy is trying to kill me."

"So why not get two people? One to cover Miranda's actual XO duties and the other to actually follow you in combat, I mean logically it's the best conclusion."

"When the right person for Miranda's job comes along I will fill it. Until then we've all just have to deal, there is nothing more than we could do. I don't have time to do on the job training, neither does anyone else on this team. Unless you want us to get Jack to train whoever it is that we get?" Jade gave him a bored look, noting that he was giving her that look.

"No disrespect Shepard, but maybe you should go get Miranda back."

Jade gave Jacob a withered look, "I've sent Miranda plenty of messages demanding, asking, begging her to come back and do her goddamn job. She hasn't answered me, so I can only assume that she's dead, still mad at me, or simply too busy with some mission or another. Unless you suggest that I kidnap her she's not coming back..." Jade paused. "Actually—"

"We're not going to kidnap anyone," Jacob cut off that train of thought.

Jade rolled her eyes, "Then what do you want me to do? I've done everything I could think of. "

"Everything Shepard?"

Jade looked at him, "No. Just the ones that don't have me going to the Illusive Man and coercing or blackmailing Miranda into coming back. Though I'm rethinking the whole coercion thing, it's got to be less painful than talking to the Illusive Man again. And I'm sure that Miranda will eventually forgive me."

Jacob frowned, "Talk to the Illusive Man, plead your case he isn't unreasonable Shepard. He might give us Miranda back with no strings attached."

She merely snorted in reply, tapping her fingers on the desk. She glanced around the mess of the desk, suddenly reminded about how much she hated desk jobs. "EDI contact the Illusive Man. Tell him it's urgent." Her eyes flicked over to Jacob, "I hope this makes you happy, I don't have much of a soul left with all the deals I'm making with devil."

Jacob saluted before walking out causing Shepard to sigh and throw the files down. The Illusive Man had no real reason to actually return his best operative. She rubbed her temples, while her affiliation with Cerberus was still beneficial she still didn't trust him, and all these deals with him were wearing on her. She couldn't keep up, and each time the missions from Cerberus were getting more difficult to clean up. She had heard rumours that the Illusive Man had infected someone with Reaper tech, which had come back to bite him in the ass. With Cerberus's current run of bad luck, with the Turian's taking out most of their assets and striking several of their main bases. He needed Miranda, but she needed Miranda more.

It ran deeper than just wanting Miranda to come save her from the mountains of paper work so she could back to shooting people. She missed her, part of the reason she had even taken on Miranda's duties was to keep her away from the bed that they had shared. She could still smell Miranda's scent, on what had been her side. Three weeks, and yet it felt like a year without Miranda. If she did come back maybe they could compromise, maybe they could work things out.

"I have contacted the Illusive Man as you requested Commander, he has agreed to meet with you," EDI's voice came over the intercom startling Shepard out of her thoughts.

"Thank you EDI," Jade replied as walking to the terminal. She quickly straightened out her uniform; a little diplomacy never hurt anyone. And she would need all the practice she could get if she was going to pull off a peace treaty. She waited for the Illusive Man to appear in front of her like usual and the first thing she noticed was that satisfied smirk on his face. "Someone got lucky," Jade commented looking at him.

The Illusive Man smiled at her, she had no clue how lucky. "When you get to be in my position Shepard, nothing is simply based on luck. The women come to you Shepard. They are attracted to power like moths to an open flame. But of course you would know that given your sexual history."

Jade bristled it was one thing for her friends to discuss her sex life openly; it was another thing to have the Illusive Man comment on it. "I haven't had that many people share a bed with me."

"You're being modest Shepard, but you haven't come to me to discuss your sexual history, or mine. You said that this was urgent, Shepard, and I do have other things, and people to attend to."

"I want Miranda back," Jade said getting straight to the point looking at him, there was something different possibly due to the smug look on his face. The way that he was looking at her also made her feel uneasy. "We can't do this without her, my team has been ravaged; I'm operating on at least half of my last team. I can't risk bringing Mordin into battle anymore, heck even Kasumi is thinking of leaving. I need a team who will be with me for the long haul and that I trust. I need the best, and Miranda is the best."

"In more ways than you have realized," he smiled at those words. "Shepard I'd love to help you but Miranda doesn't want to come back. Besides I've given her a new project."

Jade frowned, "Then order her to come back, you're her boss. We need Miranda for this mission to succeed. Tell her that we're hopeless without her and you want her to make sure things are running smoothly. I don't know tell her anything to make her return."

"If that is what you need to succeed Shepard, I will see what I can do. However she will be at the Citadel tomorrow, I'll forward you the details. I suggest that you talk with Miranda. She's still quite upset with you."

Jade nodded and smiled, "Thank you," she said with a quick nod disconnecting the call. Again grateful that there hadn't been an argument over what she owed in return. She wondered briefly if she should be worried about the fact that the Illusive Man had tried to help her. She frowned, "EDI inform the Shadow Broker, that I need files on what the Illusive Man has been up to for the past month." She hadn't gotten this far without trusting her instinct. Something was wrong she just had no idea what it was. She sighed as if she didn't have enough to worry about. This was too easy there had to be some strings attached. "And tell the Shadow Broker that I need information on Miranda Lawson, ever since she left the Normandy."

* * *

The Illusive Man smiled, it was time to get his hands on Shepard. He looked at Miranda looking at her naked body, "It seems as if your old Commander wants you back. This is the perfect opportunity for you to bring Shepard to Cerberus, she trusts you and she's still in love with you though she would never admit it. Get her to work for it, get her to trust you again, give her a night of passion and then when her guard is down, disable her. Our team will come in and place the chip. The whole process should only take an hour." The Illusive Man watched as Miranda walked up to him sliding into his lap and kissed him.

"You should have listened to me when Shepard was still dead, the council couldn't control her. It is the best way to control Shepard, the only way to control her," Miranda pointed out slowly unbuttoning his shirt. "It's not fair, here I am naked and you have way to many clothes on."

The Illusive Man smiled, "Of course, but I doubt Shepard would appreciate having a meeting with me while I am lacking clothing." Well at least for the time being, he thought to himself as he began to help Miranda remove his clothing.

Except in her mind she was screaming; clawing at the barrier that was her mind to escape. This wasn't her. She didn't want this. Over and over again, time and time again. The humiliation, it was her voice begging him, pleading for more. Telling him how great he was, how better than Shepard he was, begging him to go harder, faster, to punish her for betraying him. Her body which he had used, she could everything, hear everything. Every touch, every sensation, he made her skin crawl. It was as if every sensation was heightened, she couldn't resist him, and she couldn't fight back. And she desperately wanted to.

_Shepard_._ Please._

* * *

"So rumour has it that you have a rendezvous with Miranda tomorrow," Kassumi said with a smirk on her face the door to Shepard's cabin. She was met with the sight of Shepard's armour laid out on her bed and on her table were several pistols and knives. "What are you arming yourself for a war? You're going to be convincing Miranda to come back Shep. And you're not going to meet her in your armour are you? Do you always expect someone to want to kill you?"

"Yes. Yes. And Yes." Jade replied not looking up from where she was holding a blade in her hand testing its balance.

"Shepard, you cannot go through life expecting someone to kill you. Especially not Miranda, they tell me she spent two years putting you back together again. She might want to hit you or beat some sense into you but I don't think she'll go as far too actually you know kill you." Kasumi watched Jade ignoring her."Okay I can get carrying a pistol around; you never leave the ship without it. I can even get arming yourself to the teeth, what with all the people you piss off. But what I don't get is wearing your armour, chances are you're just going to end up removing it when you and Miranda make up and nothing says mood killer than when someone is wearing way too much clothing."

Jade finally stopped what she was doing, "I'm not going to have sex with her, this is just me begging for her to take her stupid job back" she said, yet there was no conviction in her voice.

"Uhuh," Kasumi replied. "Yet you're dressing as if you expect someone to come out and shoot you."

"Someone is always trying to kill me. People generally only get one shot at killing me, and that's if they catch me off guard. And we know if and when that happens they'd better not miss." Jade replied seriously, picking up her shotgun.

"No shotgun, Shepard. Definitely no shotgun if you're going to insist on wearing armour at the very least let it be your lightest set. Miranda's upset because you're always a soldier first, come with only your pistol. You can have several _hidden_ blades on you, but that's it."

"I know how Joker feels now, with EDI, I totally shouldn't be as rough on the poor guy anymore," Jade commented. She paused for a second testing another blade,"I'm not going to this thing alone."

"You enjoy a bit of exhibitionism on the side?" Kasumi said cracking a smile.

Jade picked out her N7 armour, placing the Kestrel set away "No, something isn't right with this whole thing. My instincts are what have kept me alive. When I ignore them bad things happen. Like death. Death is bad. Been there done that. It hurts, and no your life doesn't flash in front of your eyes. You struggle to live, fighting the darkness that claims to take over your body."

"So that's why you've been on edge, you don't want to be caught off guard."

"If I get happy, I get complacent. I stop listening to my instincts. That can't happen. And something is telling me that I should be careful. So I will. I'm not saying to literally watch me...though you people might enjoy it and probably will end up doing it anyway because you're all a bunch of sex-starved lunatics. I'm saying watch my back stay around the area, keep in radio contact, and feed me important information. See anyone suspicious...shoot them."

"You want us to murder shifty looking people?" Kasumi asked, her tone indicating her confusion.

"Knee-cap them. Disable them. Do not actually kill them. The last thing I need is the Council revoking my Spectre status, or worse breathing down my neck and placing stricter restrictions on me." Jade replied simply. She might be able to get away with executing random people as long as she had a good reason. The others, even if they were under her command wouldn't be as lucky and it was a possible headache that she just did not want to deal with.

Kasumi watched Shepard, despite her reasonable paranoia, and the fact that she was currently cleaning out her guns the fact that she looked the happiest she had ever been. "What if Miranda turns you down."

Shepard froze and then smiled, "Then I need to train a new XO. But I want Miranda...Because you know there is no need for training and I don't have to worry about her combat readiness." Jade added the last part., as if she needed to defend her position.

Kasumi smiled, Shepard attempting to deny that she had feelings for Miranda was oddly amusing. In anyone else it would seem as if Shepard was ashamed to be connected with them, but that wasn't the case Shepard had been relatively affectionate with Miranda. From the way she looked at Miranda when she wasn't looking to the fact that when they had been together Shepard had spent every lunch, every dinner, and every breakfast with Miranda practically ignoring the crew. Her mood had been light and the crew had been given quite a bit of time off. Shepard had said it was because that they needed to heal, the whole being captured by Collectors had been rough on everyone, but in reality Shepard simply had wanted to spend some time away from the fighting, away from everything that was trying to kill her and stay with Miranda. That hadn't exactly happened; trouble followed Shepard like the plague. And when the two of them had returned, the tension between the two had been palpable.

But this was the first time that Kasumi had seen Shepard in a decent mood. Her mood had been dark since Miranda left, and everyone had quickly found out that mentioning the former XO in Shepard's presence only put her in a fouler mood. It had eased up in the recent days, but Shepard was looking forward to this. For her sake she hoped that Miranda would return. It seemed that Shepard was only sane when she was around. "Look Shepard, because you're...you, I'm going to do you a favour and help you, make sure this meeting doesn't go horribly wrong. Because...well...because this is you. I don't think romantic is in your vocabulary."

* * *

Shepard stepped off the elevator; she had finally taken Kasumi's advice. Well it wasn't exactly a choice; she had woken up to most of her armour and weaponry missing. She would have strangled the thief if she could find her and she had looked. Kasumi hadn't shown up until they were about to head ashore, with a smug grin on her face. It was the first time in ages Shepard was walking through the busy Citadel without armour on, with only a pistol and a few blades to keep her safe since she had been brought back to life. She felt naked, and her senses were on high alert. She had pissed off one too many important people on the Citadel. Jade stopped in front of a reflective surface quickly fixing her hair, slipping it back into its tight ponytail. She was uncharacteristically nervous, which irritated her. She was Commander Shepard. Saviour of the Citadel, Butcher of Torfan, she had been stabbed, shot, kicked, punched. She had gone hand to hand with Krogans, killed Thresher Maws. She had helped slay the Shadow Broker. She was the biggest bad ass in the galaxy. And yet here she was standing outside Miranda's hotel room like a nervous teenager going on their first date.

Jade quickly went over her apology yet again in her head, before sighing. Fear wasn't something she was used to, and she had realized quickly that she didn't like the sensation. She quickly rapped on the door to Miranda's hotel room and waited patiently keeping her hands at her side, if only to stop herself from fidgeting. She had only been waiting for a few milliseconds when the door slid open and Shepard came face to face with Miranda. Jade swallowed Miranda looked amazing, she always looked amazing even after a particularly rough fight, and while everyone else was dirty and grimy Miranda always looked as if she was coming straight out of a magazine. But today, she was certain that Miranda's shirt was definitely tighter than usual—Jade coughed forcing her gaze to Miranda's face, and winced Miranda wasn't impressed with her very obvious display of checking her out. Yes she was most definitely off to a bad start. "Lawson."

* * *

Miranda roused from her prison when Shepard came into view. _Shepard_. She had come. With new vigour she began to claw against the control chip. If she could wrest control even for one second; she could warn Jade. She could protect her from the Illusive Man. And Orianna...she had to save her sister. She was still innocent. _Please Shepard, realize that something isn't right. Please don't fall into this trap_. _This was my mistake; I never should have trusted him. I never should have returned. _

* * *

"Shepard," Miranda replied in a cold tone.

Jade frowned slightly; there was no hint that Miranda had missed her. She had always been good at reading Miranda's emotions, she was good at reading people in general. But something was off; even the clothing was slightly off, though she definitely enjoying the clothing being slightly off. She shifted slightly, or maybe it was simple paranoia, Miranda had always been slightly difficult, and it was quite obvious that she was still upset with her. "I'm sorry."

Miranda shook her head, "You do realize that there are other people who can fulfill my duties. I left you a list of possible replacements; after all my presence isn't needed on board the ship. "

"Yes I noticed the list; I did check them out... I was...wrong." Shepard said spitting out the last word as if it was bitter on her tongue. "I—We need you. I can't do this without you."

_

* * *

Why can't you just say what you mean? Why do I have to accept you simply skirting around the issue. _Miranda slammed against her imaginary cage again. Reminding herself this wasn't the time to think about Shepard's emotionally retarded behaviour. She had noticed that frown, that sharp look on her face, which had appeared for nothing more than a split second. She had noticed something was wrong. With renewed vigour she began to try and wrestle control from the chip again.

* * *

"Is that the only reason you wish to have me back? You're too lazy to train another XO? Or is it the fact that you simply don't want to do the paperwork yourself. Or is it the fact that you realized exactly how much work I do. Exactly how much effort I put into making sure the mission goes smoothly. While you're out there playing hero, I'm making sure that _your _ship is running properly. I make sure that the crew, is working at 100% at all times. You don't value everything that I did to keep the crew happy."

"You mean how you helped Crewman Rolston relocate his family to San Francisco?" Jade replied looking at her, studying her. There was no outward expression change on Miranda's face, not even a hint of surprise in her eyes. "I know everything that goes on my ship Miranda, and while everyone else may think of you as an ice-queen I know you're not. I was always aware that you always went above and beyond when you did your job. I didn't mean what I said before you left Miranda. I need you and I...I missed you." Jade slowly and cautiously reached up to gently caressed Miranda's face gently pushing a strand of her hair out of her face.

Again there was no reaction, no real response to Shepard's actions, and Jade soon dropped her hand a puzzled look crossing her features. "You realized this after fucking Jack did you."

"You're jealous of Jack?" Jade asked a hint of surprise in her voice, her mind shifted from her suspicions and focusing on Miranda's words.

"I'm not blind Shepard. And I'm aware that you've been spending an increased amount of time with her."

"Jack goes around half-naked. Everyone looks, or at least pretends to not be looking. And yes I did spend more time with Jack simply because my squad insisted on interfering with my life, and considering we're working with fewer members since you left. I couldn't exactly space them." Miranda rolled her eyes, and Shepard gave her a sheepish smile.

_

* * *

Really that's your excuse Shepard? Everyone looks? _Miranda continued to pound against her bonds. Shepard had been distracted. She had longed for Shepard's loving caress, after the Illusive Man had finished with her. She had calmed herself down by thinking about Jade. She wanted to lose herself in Shepard's body; she wanted her scent to overpower the Illusive Man's revolting cigarettes. She wished it was Shepard's hands caressing her body when the Illusive Man touched her. She wanted it to be Shepard's lips that kissed her.

* * *

Shepard looked at Miranda, despite her instincts screaming at her that there was something amiss, she gave Miranda another sheepish look. "Forgive m—?" She was cut off by Miranda suddenly kissing her hard. The kiss was hard, it was hungry and it was passionate. Any that that was in Shepard's mind before suddenly evaporated as she pushed Miranda into her hotel room closing the door behind them. Her arms wrapped firmly around Miranda's waist as she pushed her hard against the wall forcefully as she continued to kiss back. It wasn't until she needed a breath of air did Jade break apart resting her head against Miranda's. She flashed her infamous arrogant smirk.

She kissed Miranda shifting as she lifted her up, letting Miranda's legs wrap around Jade's waist as she carried her to the bed. Jade shifted her weight letting the two of them fall into the bed with Miranda on her back. She kissed Miranda again as her hands ran up Miranda's and began to pull at Miranda's clothes using her strength to rip Miranda's clothes off leaving them in tatters and leaving her in very revealing underwear. Jade let out a lustful growl, feeling foolish at the fact that she had been on edge. Miranda had simply been playing hard to get.

"Those were damn ex—" Jade smirked again as she kissed her roughly, silencing her.

* * *

She screamed against her invisible bonds. She slammed her hands against her invisible bonds again and again. _Not again_. She had wanted this. She had wanted Shepard's full attention. She had wanted for Shepard to do this, but not like this. She tried to remind herself that this woman who was touching her, was the woman that she loved, the reckless, idiotic hero, who had the emotional maturity of a three year old and who had always brought a smile to her face whenever she looked at her with that idiotic smile on her face. But she was reminded of him, every touch that Shepard, every caress, every kiss, that Jade shared with her. She could only feel the Illusive Man; it was as if he was using her body again. Once Shepard's annoying arrogant smirk had left her feeling flustered. That smirk had always been followed by sex, what had always been amazing sex that left her in a rubbery mess. But now it simply reminded her of him. He had the same smirk, which mirrored Shepard's.

She froze; even if she did escape it would never be the same. Every touch would remind her of him. He had emblazed himself on her conscience. She would never enjoy Shepard's touch again without thinking of him. And they were two sides of the same coin, they were different and yet they were so similar. And she had seen it, Shepard's brutality. She had seen Shepard's drive to get things done no matter what the cost, Jade crossed lines without a second thought, killing anyone who stood in her way. She had never been blinded to Shepard's flaws but now they were highlighted, what exactly was it that Shepard missed about her. Shepard was charismatic and an excellent liar when she had to be. Or was it simply the sex that Shepard missed?

And just as soon as the sensations started they stopped, Shepard no longer touching her body. She was pulling away a puzzled look on her features, she was confused. Her body was tense, she was alert. Miranda gave a sigh of relief for numerous reasons, but most importantly Shepard was paying attention to her instincts. She had commented that Shepard had really good instincts, when they had met for the first time. If she ever got out of this, she would never complain again about Shepard running off to do some stupid heroic stunt because she felt it was important. She was generally right.

* * *

Shepard slipped on her shirt as she pulled away from Miranda. Something was off, her team hadn't checked in and there was something wrong about Miranda. She couldn't place it. She touched her hand to her ear a frown on her face, "Kasumi, Jacob, Garrus status report." She commanded only to receive nothing but silence. She swore, "Joker status report. Where are they?"

"You mean they haven't checked in yet?" Joker asked

"Tell Tali, Jack and Mordin to suit up. This is clearly a trap. Tali's in charge, find them and bring them back. Contact Anderson, see if he can send a team out. Someone got the drop on them, I'll be there as soon as possible." Jade turned to Miranda a suspicious look on her face as she pointed her pistol at her, "Lawson you know very well I don't walking into a trap, tell me you're not part of this so I don't have to shoot you." There was no reply, as Miranda simply lay there naked an blank look on her features.

Jade shot the lamp, "What the hell is wrong with you," She demanded wanting to hear the truth from Miranda. "The next shot won't miss Miranda, now; before I get pissed tell me what the hell is going on." The door slid open and she immediately pointed her gun at the new entrant, surprised to see the N7 logo on his armour. Jade shifted turning her back to Miranda as she faced the armed combatant. If there was anyone who could get the drop on her team it was an N7 graduate.

"Shepard. It's been what ten years?" Leng smirked and Jade shifted uneasily.

"You have me at a disadvantage, do I know you?" Jade asked seriously shifting her weight again trying to find the right position to attack with. He was fully armoured and she cursed Kasumi for stealing her armour earlier. And she only had the one thermal clip, she couldn't afford to waste any shot. A mistake on her part. She heard Miranda shifting behind her, reaching for something for something. She was in a precarious position, and with Miranda acting weird.

He glared at her, a cold smile on his face, "Don't worry Shepard you will soon find out. I'm simply here too make sure that you are contained."

"What are you—?"Jade felt something sharp and thin slide into her neck and immediately rotated snapping the end of the syringe ignoring the sharp pain that followed the action. Miranda had just attempted to drug her. Her head felt fuzzy and she was aware that her limbs suddenly felt a lot heavier. It was a tranquilizer. She shoved Miranda in front of her clumsily, falling to one knee as her vision blurred.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Well I've been sick for the past week (still sick) so I got rid of my buffer...and I haven't written a thing since then. So you'll probably have to wait for the next chapter till I don't feel like I'm about to cough out a lung. I suppose a warning is in order there is a _very _brief sex scene, with mentions of gang rape. Seriously it's really short, a couple of sentences maximum. Still don't read if you don't like. Reviews make me happy, might even motivate me to get off my bed and write another chapter. You like it, you hate it...just review. **

* * *

"If you could make God bleed, people will cease to believe in him. There will be blood in the water, and the sharks will come."

-Ivan Vanko (Iron Man 2)

* * *

"That was anti-climatic, the great Shepard, the butch of Torfan, the saviour of the Citadel, the Alliance's little darling and first human spectre wasn't taken out in a blaze of glory fighting Batarian Slavers, or on some secret mission for the Council. No you were taken out by a tranquillizer to the neck. All I can say is how disappointing." Leng said in a rather dramatic fashion as he walked over to the still kneeling Shepard. He circled her, aware that she was trying to pump her body full of adrenaline to counteract the fast acting tranquillizer. "But, it's not the first time someone has been distracted by a pretty woman's tits." He kicked her; his armoured boots slamming into chin forcing her head to snap back. He had wanted to hear that crunching sound of bones snapping under the force of his kick but there had been none. A frown graced his features and he aimed lower slamming his boot into Jade's ribs, there was a shift and a gentle snapping sound as he broke two of her ribs. "Better," he muttered to himself.

Jade gritted her teeth trying to breathe through the pain; she would have to hurry before one of her lung collapsed. With shaky hands she pulled out at her combat knife only for Leng's boot to suddenly be firmly placed on her wrist preventing her from moving it. "I heard you got spaced, a tear in your suit did the job, and if that didn't entering the atmosphere certainly did the job. Of course if all that failed you probably hit the ground pretty hard. So which one was it?" He ground his boot into Shepard's hand. "What no smart comment? No witty one-liner? No threats? Or as you say promises? What a shame."

Jade pulled out her other blade and as quickly as she could slam it into his thigh rotating her wrist and applying force to pierce his armour and rotating the blade to do more internal damage. A simple medi-gel wouldn't be enough to heal him. In the same swift motion Jade quickly snapped off the handle of the blade leaving the metal embedded in his body. She was rewarded with a howl of pain and a sharp blow to the face , a cut opening up above her left eye. However her plan worked and his grip on her hand faltered and Shepard pulled it free and quickly backed off ignoring that her limbs felt like lead. Without a word she quickly counted her ribs feeling them with her free hand before stopping and using the tip of her knife to open the space between her ribs. She tipped over a container of straws that were in the mini-bar and slid it into the cut she had made watching as blood pooled out of the straw. Jade immediately shifted her eyes back to Leng who was still trying to claw the blade out. She let out a short laugh wincing in pain, as she finally pulled the straw out.

"You bitch," Leng snarled scratching at his leg.

"That's original," Jade responded with a roll of her eyes. She was still trying to shake the effects of the tranquilizers and her current amount of blood loss; she couldn't exactly afford to go toe to toe with the former Alliance lieutenant. Without another word she pushed herself to a standing position maintaining a hand on the wall to help her balance as she pointed her gun at his head.

Kai smirked, "So that's it. You simply refuse to submit to anyone no matter how bad the situation. How incredibly cliché."

Jade was uncharacteristically silent keeping her gun trained on him, if she emptied her thermal clip she might be able to get rid of his shield and pump him full with enough plasma to bring him down. But it was a gamble, she knew next to nothing about the man standing in front of her and that put her at a severe disadvantage. Her eyes shifted to Miranda for a second, she was the variable. "Miranda?" she questioned causing her to look at her. Their eyes met and Shepard saw nothing. There was nothing there, absolutely no emotion.

Leng pulled out his pistol, "Who would think that the great Commander Shepard was such a sap, and was this blind and stupid."

Jade turned back to him, "Mindoir, Torfan, hell any colony in the Skyllian Verge," Shepard's eyes glazed over for a second as she remembered. Yet nothing was quite like this. They were controllable but nothing was ever this life-like, they were dolls to be used as the owner saw fit. This was something else entirely. "But not quite, it shouldn't be this...real. It shouldn't be able to..."Jade didn't finish.

"Fool you? Shepard you've been dead for two years, technology changes. Do you think that Saren was the only one studying indoctrination technology?"

Jade frowned, he was right especially given the fact that she had no idea how long the Illusive Man had access to the derelict reaper. She didn't know what technology his scientist had found before finally succumbing to the indoctrination process. "Miranda was loyal to Cerberus, she believed in what they stood for. I have no idea why but she did. There is no justification for this; there will never be any justification for taking away someone's free will."

"She was still loyal to you. Apparently she still loved you. The Illusive Man wanted to make sure that Miranda's loyalty would never be called into question. And the perks...well what man could say no to the perks."

Jade froze her last image of the Illusive Man coming back to her. That satisfied smug look on his features. _In more ways than you have realized._ "Perks?" she finally managed in a strangled tone her hands clenching into a fist, gripping her gun tightly, ignoring the fact that the world was spinning, a mixture of the blood loss and the tranquillizers affecting her sense of balance. Any movement would possibly cause her to fall over.

"She's a genetic marvel this one, I have never seen tits so naturally large. I think that's the Illusive Man's favourite part of her body. I mean you never wondered why Miranda wore that sexy little outfit of hers. It certainly wasn't for any combat benefit, more for the Illusive Man's personal benefit. Miranda belongs to the Illusive Man Shepard and there is nothing you can..."

"Let her go." Jade said pushing herself into an unaided standing position; her body ready to attack as she turned her attention away from Miranda. The rage etched on her features.

"Or you'll what Shepard?" Kai smirked. "In case you haven't noticed what your situation is, you've been drugged, you're bleeding profusely and the fact that you're pumping all that adrenaline to simply stand up is probably killing you. And before you go on about how I'm injured as well, I'm still better off than you. The fact that I haven't bled out means that you missed the femoral artery. And let me point out now that you're grossly out numbered. I have agents stationed all over this hotel Shepard, even if you could escape, which you can't we have Cerberus operatives in C-Sec who are currently tying up your friends preventing them from coming to your rescue. In other words _Commander Shepard_ you are royally fucked."

"Except for the fact that the Illusive Man wants me alive," Jade retorted angrily. "I've given you your only warning. I don't care who the fuck you are, I don't care if we have some fucking form of history together, I don't care that you're N7. I will kill you if you don't release her."

Kai let out a laugh, "Really Shepard let her go or you kill me? Go ahead, empty your thermal clip into me, see what happens to Miranda," he said smugly.

Jade held onto her gun still keeping it pointed at Leng's head. He was bluffing, he had to be. Her eyes darted to Miranda who had been standing still through the entire exchange, her face was blank. But was she really going to take that chance, this wasn't one of the random people who Shepard didn't know and didn't particularly care about. This was Miranda. She turned her attention back to Kai, he wasn't like everyone else she had fought before. She couldn't read him she wracked her brain trying to remember him. He seemed to know her; unfortunately she didn't keep track of people or faces, unless they were going to be a pain in her ass. And it was clear that he was going to be a pain in her ass. "You're bluffing."

Kai smirked, "Am I Shepard? I've studied your actions, I've watched hundreds of hours of footage on you. I know how you think and I know what you're capable of. If this was anyone other than Miranda or anyone else on your squad you would have killed me by now." He finally managed to pull out the blade tossing it aside as the medi-gel removed the pain. "I remember the old Shepard, who got the job done no matter what the cost, the one who wouldn't have sacrificed her life to save the life of a cripple. The one who would have killed me damn the consequences. You've gone soft, and to think that everyone believes that you will be the one to save the fucking galaxy."

"Siha," Jade heard Thane's voice in her ear and she resisted the urge to talk to him or let Kai see a facial expression change. "Joker asked for me to come assist you, I have been working my way up the building, I'm nearly there."

"People change," Jade replied simply leaving it at that. She needed to keep him talking, at least long enough for Thane to come help her. If she was lucky she would get her armour. It would at least stop the bleeding enough to be relatively useful.

"You haven't, you're still the same person you were back then. Hidden under all the bullshit you feed yourself is the person who didn't hesitate to wipe out a few hundred of those..._blinks_, the person who would commit a war-crime to win."

Jade was quiet, feeling that familiar rage building under the surface, she pushed it aside forcefully she needed to remain calm, she needed to find out a way to save Miranda, "What's to stop me from simply taking Miranda back to my ship and simply finding someone to reverse the process?" she asked

"I could order her to kill you, or herself. The Illusive Man might miss the perks, but he'd get over the disappointment. Besides, even this technology is a prototype, no one else but Cerberus has the technology to undo what was done. The Illusive Man would never willingly give her up Shepard, he's been having way too much fun. And you forget he knows exactly what Miranda's weakness is."

The whole situation was odd, he seemed relaxed, what was he waiting for. Did he even want to bring her in? "You have no intention of actually bringing me in do you? You've set this whole thing up to what, try and force me to become that person again? What exactly do you want and what do you get out of this?"

Kai smirked, "Keep on forgetting your position Shepard? You have no back-up, because you sent them all to rescue the rest of your crew, by the time they get here... well the process will be done Shepard. You're barely standing on your feet now; I give you another minute at best. I heard you struggled right before you died. That futility as the life ebbs away at your body...I wanted to recreate it. I want people to realize that you're not untouchable. I want people to realize that you bleed just like they do. I want people to realize that I am better than you."

"Siha prepare yourself."

Despite her situation, that smirk graced Shepard's as it did when things when things generally started going her way, "Don't kill him," she replied, as she finally let her legs give out from under her sliding to her knees.

Thane suddenly came through the vents landing behind Leng who turned around in surprise as he reached for his gun, Thane stopped him slamming a well aimed thrust at his throat dropping the Illusive Man's personal assassin. He quickly disarmed him tossing his guns out of range. He finally stood up and scanned the room for any abnormalities, his eyes focusing on Miranda.

"Must you always make an entrance?"Jade asked forcing herself to sitting position despite the situation she let out a small smile. Thane didn't answer, he always did that and it irritated her to no end. "Please tell me you brought something more durable for me to wear?"

Thane turned to her, "Koylat is on his way with some armour," he tossed her a medi-gel pack and Shepard immediately set about stopping the bleeding.

"Know him?"Jade asked.

Thane studied the man, "No." He turned back to Miranda, opening his mouth his face becoming distant.

"Thane I don't want to relive those memories," Jade interrupted him before he could slip into the past. The result would only trigger those memories that she kept locked away. Thane looked over at her offering her his hand. She took it letting him help her to her feet. Jade finally turned to look at Miranda breaking away from Thane as she slowly made her way to her. She gently cupped her face gently but firmly with her right hand gently forcing Miranda to look at her as she gazed into her eyes. Still nothing, it was as if she were dead.

"Should we interrogate him?" Thane asked breaking Shepard's thouhgts.

Jade didn't respond instantly, she didn't even look up from Miranda. "He won't talk and he probably has a suicide pill somewhere on him. Scan his omni-tool data remove every last piece of data from it. I'll get Tali to go over it." She raised her own omni-tool taking a full scan of Miranda making sure to find the chip and take numerous scans of it.

This was her fault, had she simply told Miranda how she felt, had she not driven her to leave. How could she have been so bull-headed? _I didn't need you. _Those had been her last words to Miranda; she had refused to see her off. And now...she was too late. She had no idea how long Miranda had the chip in her head, and she didn't want to even begin imagining what the Illusive Man had done to her. What he had made her do. "I'm sorry. So sorry," she whispered to Miranda her voice cracking with raw emotion.

"There are some files that haven't been encrypted. Vids, maybe you can gather some information from them." Thane informed her.

Jade finally turned to him briefly and gave him a brief nod before turning back to Miranda, this wasn't her field and she was tempted to bring her back to Chakwas, but that would be like putting a ticking time bomb on the ship. If somehow Miranda was activated she was unsure that she would be able to pull the trigger. Or worse, she wouldn't hesitate. She could save the galaxy and millions of people she didn't know from untold horror and doom but she couldn't protect the ones close to her, some hero she was. There had to be some way to save her. There had to be...Jade's thoughts came crashing to a halt as the vid came to life Miranda's voice catching her attention.

* * *

She was naked, on her knees moaning as the man behind her thrust deeply into her. His hips smacking hard against Miranda's ass, as he continued his quick tempo.

"The Illusive Man said that we could all share her for the night, so stop fucking around and let us have a go at her. You can't keep her to yourself all night."

The man simply groaned in pleasure redoubling his efforts, she was perfect. Everything about her was perfect, from her flawless skin. Even though he was not the first man to have used her that night, not a strand of hair was out of place, and her tightness. If anything was simply perfect, it was that. His body went rigid, his back arching as he finally spent himself inside her. He slowly pulled himself out grinning at the rest of the men in the room. "Who would think that the ice-queen was such a sex-starved nympho." He commented mostly to himself as he moved aside for the next man taking his turn as he moved to her mouth; roughly slamming his cock into Miranda's mouth. He would wait for his next time around. Maybe this time he would get a sample of her ass.

* * *

"Switch it off," Jade ordered turning away. She had no idea if these men had any clue that Miranda was merely a slave, a doll for the Illusive Man but she would kill them all. It was then that the thought struck her, how close had she been to doing exactly what these men had done. She had nearly...nearly...

Jade turned away staggering off as she rested her hand against the wall the nausea washing over from everything, the tranquillizer, the medi-gel, the realization that she had been so close to raping Miranda. She inhaled trying to force down that sharp acidic taste of bile rising up, but it didn't work. She vomited, emptying the contents of her stomach into a corner of the room.

Thane watched her, keeping his distance from her. He turned off the vid, she would make each of them suffer before she killed them and she would enjoy it. There was so many more vids, and he knew Shepard would end up watching them all. The door slid open and he watched Koylat with Shepard's armour. "You didn't run into any more trouble did you?" he asked.

Koylat shook his head and looked at Shepard, "Is she going to be alright?"

Thane turned to her looking her over, "Eventually, when she has killed all those who have wronged the one she loves." He paused looking at her, he needed to keep busy and with Shepard there was always something to do. However he had could no longer leave Koylat, the sole reason he had left Shepard's ship was to spend time with his son.

Jade finally pushed herself to standing position, "We need to get out of here," she finally said taking her case from Koylat, nodding her thanks. Without a word she slipped into her armour. She looked at Kai, the urge to kill the man pressed against her conscience, but if what he had said were true she would simply be killing Miranda. Her eyes flicked over to Miranda, she stopped when they had passed her. "I promise I will come back for you."She reached out gently caressing Miranda's cheek before leaving the building. The emotion that had been on her face was now replaced by cold determination. "Thane?"

The Drell turned to her, "Siha."

"I find myself in need of your services once again," she said not needing to elaborate. "I have a job for your son as well, so you do not have to be parted." She paused.

Thane nodded, "My body is yours Shepard."

Jade gave a quick nod in thanks. She had much to do, and she needed to be quick about it. She had no idea how long Miranda had especially given the fact that the Illusive Man had failed to capture her. Would he simply cut his losses?

* * *

"Was it really necessary to shoot Bailey?" Garrus asked finally breaking the silence as they headed back to the Normandy. She hadn't said a word when she came to bail them out. In fact no one had said anything, but looking at Shepard it had been clear that she had been attacked, she could barely stand on her own two feet. There were unanswered questions in the air. She hadn't exactly given them a detailed account of what happened, she had simply informed them that Thane was rejoining her and Koylat was coming with them. And with the fact that Miranda wasn't with her and the fact that she looked like she just when ten rounds with Grunt could only lead them to believe that the two of them had fought.

Jade glanced at him and shrugged, she had wanted to kill him. She had resisted the urge and shot him in the foot, she wasn't sure that Bailey was actually part of Cerberus. She had told him that if he didn't clean up his organization getting rid of the officers who were getting paid by a terrorist organization she would do it for him, and it would be bloody. She shifted; she would have to tell them eventually, they would question her on what exactly happened. She would need to get in touch with Liara; she needed to find where the Illusive Man was hiding, where he would take Leng, she had found his name out going through some of the encrypted files. The name was vaguely familiar, and for some reason it put her on the edge. She pushed it aside, it was only because he had been the first person in a long time to actually get the drop on her. She turned back to what he had said earlier about Miranda's weakness...she paused and then swore.

"Garrus what's the best university on the Citadel?" she questioned him causing everyone to turn to her. "The most expensive one," she added.

"The Citadel University..." Garrus began.

"Presidium?" Shepard interrupted him, Garrus nodded. Jade turned to Jacob who was driving, "ETA?" she asked pulling out her pistol.

"Ten minutes," Jacob responded.

"Not good enough get us there in half the time. We've already wasted too much time." Another crucial mistake, she seemed to be making plenty of those these days. Shepard had never been superstitious, she didn't believe in some higher power, she didn't believe in luck, or karma. She had always relied on her own power, her own skill and the skill of her squad to get her through any situation, but at this moment in time she found herself praying to whichever deity was listening to let her get there in time. She had gotten lucky earlier, had Thane been late or not on the Citadel, she wasn't sure what would have happened to her.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Well I spent all this weekend on my bed with my laptop on my lap coughing, hacking up both my lungs, sneezing and running a fever, and possibly suffering from hallucinations from the medication. This is what came out, I'm still sick, so I'm going back to bed. I tell you this but I do have the next chapter written, see what you can do when you're bed ridden. Of course if I hadn't been playing Mass Effect I might have actually gotten more done, I simply wanted to romance Ashley as Fem/Shep which I did and I realized that I think I prefer the Liara romance, but who knows could have been all those drugs. **

* * *

"Nature creates ability; luck provides it with opportunity"

-François de la Rochefoucauld

* * *

"Shepard you do realize that the Council isn't going to be pleased that you're going around threatening university secretaries, and shooting C-Sec officers. Why are we looking for Miranda's sister, do you honestly think that kidnapping her will get Miranda to return?" Garrus questioned her. He was rewarded with silence as they made their way through the halls of the university. She had barely said two words, she had not shown any amusement while shooting Bailey, generally when Shepard shot anyone in the foot she couldn't help but smile. The look on her face when it happened suggested that it had taken all her willpower to not make that particular shot lethal. "Shepard," Jade finally flicked her eyes to him as if finally realizing that he was there. "The Council is going to revoke your spectre status."

Jade turned her attention back to the task at hand, now wasn't the time to make wise cracks. He could be here or worse, Miranda could be in the building. She had already given them strict orders not to kill anyone. She finally stopped in front of a classroom door, scanning it with her Omni-tool. "Late 20th century Earth history, this is the class," she informed Garrus activating the door which slid open with the usual hiss. She inhaled deeply before her hand fell to her hip getting ready to pull out her pistol if necessary as she stepped into the classroom, and strolled to the front of the room, Garrus right behind her.

The professor who stood at the front of the room stopped talking, "Can I help you?" He was met with silence as Jade turned to face the class scanning the room, each face looking for Oriana. The professor frowned, "You can't be in here, this is a private..."

"I have a gun; several in fact. In case you were blind." Jade said interrupting him still not bothering to look at the professor, there were too many students. Oriana had no idea what she looked like, she had been wearing her helmet when Miranda had gone over to talk to her. She had stayed back, watching for any threats.

"You can't carry guns on the Citadel," the man blustered stepping out in front of Shepard blocking her view.

Garrus immediately intervened, pulling the man aside seeing Jade reaching for her gun. "Spectres can, and that's a spectre that just shot a C-sec officer today for pissing her off."

"A human spectre? There is no human spectre. The only human Spectre died a couple of years ago," a boy said standing up causing Jade to turn to him.

"I got better," she replied simply waving him off.

"Commander Shepard?" Jade turned to the person who had spoken and a relieved smile crossed her features for a second as she looked at Oriana.

"Commander Shepard is dead. She died two years ago," the boy insisted. "You're a fraud."

Jade looked at him giving him an unimpressed look, "I've killed people for less," she replied testily not in the mood to deal with some teenage boys stupidity. She quickly headed to where Oriana was sitting. "I need you to come with me," she informed her, trying not to scare the teenager offering her hand, keeping her face as neutral as possible.

"Is Miranda okay?" Oriana asked there was worry in her voice.

Jade ignored the question and quickly began to take Oriana's papers. "We've got to go now, I'll make sure your parents know where you are but you have to come with me." She tossed Oriana's bag to Garrus before turning to look at her, "You have to trust me." Oriana nodded and Jade turned away for a second. This was to easy. He was here, she could feel it. She turned to Oriana, "No matter what happens you have to stay with me, trust no one but me or Garrus," she said pointing to the Turian. Oriana gave her a puzzled look but finally nodded. "Good lets go."

With that Jade motioned for them to go, leading them out of the classroom, her hand placed on her pistol. "I don't understand, I was under the impression that you and Miranda were not together."

"We're not," Jade replied as they quickly made their way through the university.

"Then why are you here...is this some plot to kidnap me to get Miranda to come back to your ship?" Oriana asked suspiciously.

"That's what I said," Garrus said his mandibles twitching in amusement.

Jade sighed, "I don't need to kidnap Miranda's little sister to get her back to the Normandy," she said defensively. Yet another person who would undoubtedly give her sass, just what she needed.

"Then why are you kidnapping her?" Miranda's voice came from behind her causing the group to freeze. "Shepard, let my sister go."

"Keep alert," Jade muttered to Garrus, as she grabbed Oriana's wrist roughly pulling her behind her as she pulled out her pistol pointing it at Miranda, who pointed her pistol at Jade.

"Miranda?" Oriana asked completely confused. "What is going on?"

"Shepard?" Garrus asked also confused, not sure whether he should point his gun at Miranda.

"Trust me," Shepard repeated again. "I know what I'm doing," this was of course of lie. She had no plan, a first for her. "Garrus keep your gun up and keep your eyes peeled, she's not alone," another order keeping her free arm on Oriana's wrist gripping it tightly. One miscalculation was all it took for this to go horribly wrong. But this was Cerberus, she doubted that they had actually fix all the bugs.

"Shepard, I'm giving you one final warning let my sister go," Miranda ordered. "I'm not going to let you kidnap her and put her life in danger."

"Miranda, considering that I was shot at and nearly got myself killed to protect your sister; do you honestly think that I'm going to let bad things happen to her?" Jade asked keeping Oriana placed firmly between her and Garrus.

A puzzled look appeared on Miranda's face, as she paused as if thinking over the answer. "No," she finally managed, her voice shifting back to the monotonous tone it had been earlier.

"Glad to see they haven't fixed that bug," Jade said with another relieved smile. Unless programmed otherwise, Miranda was not capable of lying, not unless it was specifically ordered for her to tell a falsehood. There would be plenty more of those by the end of the day as she let go of Oriana's wrist gripping her gun for better control, only one shot as she aimed. She took it. The round piercing Miranda's shield and grazing her shoulder cutting through her hair. Nothing happened. No surprise, no anger, no nothing. She didn't even blink when the round had cut into her shoulder, they had switched off Miranda's pain receptors. A simple shot wasn't going to do it; it was probable that getting hit with a truck wouldn't stop her until she finally succumbed to the injuries.

"You shot her!"

Clearly Oriana did not share Miranda's keen observational skill. Garrus on the other hand had noticed it, cocking his head in confusion. "No reaction Shepard."

"I noticed," she replied, there was only one non-lethal way to deal with Miranda; however she would need her to expose her back and despite the fact that she was now a puppet. It was clear to Shepard that she had retained all of her combat skills. There would be no way to get her back exposed without leaving Oriana exposed in some way. Miranda wasn't going to shoot, well there would be no lethal shots. Just ones that would hurt, and Oriana certainly did not have any shields to protect her.

"Is that what I think it is?" Garrus asked.

"It is," she replied again.

"Shit."

"Tell me about it."

Oriana watched both Shepard and Garrus exchanges, their faces were grim, suddenly realizing how much trouble she was in. "Oh, god are we going to die?"

Jade gave her a glance, despite the similarities in facial structures; the two sisters couldn't be farther apart in personality. She would have made a crack to put the teenager at ease, but decided against it. Her humour was too morbid and given the situation she couldn't risk Oriana having a panic attack. "Course not, I've always got a plan," yet again another lie. She was getting really good at them. She quickly gave a quick solution once over of her options, her plan would only work if Leng showed himself.

"Ah still hoping to pull out some tricks Shepard?" Jade turned her head to face Leng. He gave her a bored smile as he pointed his sniper rifle at her. "You left your assassin in the car. Do you honestly think that was wise? He might be the only one who even has a chance of stopping me in a fair fight."

"To give you a fair chance," more bravado, the most disconcerting thing was not that he knew her, but it was the fact that he always seemed to be one step ahead of her. Knowing what she couldn't or could do, he knew how to kill her. He probably knew how to break her. Had she been born a Krogan the thought of such a worthy opponent would have made her giddy in anticipation. It was a shame she wasn't a Krogan.

"Yet here you are running scared. You don't think I can't see the fact that you're making careless mistakes, endangering the life of your crew. Have I made you lose that golden touch of yours?"

Her body was tense, she hadn't even seen him coming. He was an assassin, possibly better than Thane. "The last time you underestimated you ended up on your ass. The only reason _I_ didn't kill you was because of your claim that if you died so did Miranda. I have to give you credit, exploiting one of my weaknesses." However in his last attempt he had revealed his own fatal flaw. "And here I thought that Conrad Verner was my biggest fan," Jade said. "Of course Conrad knows that I prefer to work in squads of three, so Leng...where's my third man?" She smirked as that smug smile on Leng's face melted.

Jade rotated quickly ignoring the stabbing sensation in her ribs as she placed one of her hands roughly over Oriana's eyes, closing her own eyes in the process as an explosion of light filled the area blinding everyone who hadn't been prepared. It would even affect Miranda's sense of vision as she pushed Oriana gently, "Run," she hissed. And all three of them suddenly broke into a sprint as they ran through the empty halls of the University. Another poorly thought out gamble had once again gone in her favour she was most certainly going to have to look into this luck idea. Or maybe she was due on some karma points.

* * *

"So what's the plan?" Garrus asked Shepard from where he was staring at a wall, while Chakwas patched the Commander up.

"I knew that Cerberus was bad news, but slavery?" Jacob asked. "The Illusive Man actually sanctioned this?" there was disgust in his voice, and worry.

Shepard let out a small hiss of pain her muscles tensing in response to Chakwas gentle prodding. She shifted her focus from the burning sensation in her ribs to the situation at hand. "Who knows?" she asked.

"The entire squad, Oriana has an idea, the crew doesn't know Shepard. They think you and Miranda simply got into a fight, which you lost."

Jade bristled her ego bruised, but left the subject alone. "Did you contact the Shadow Broker?" she asked turning to Garrus.

"I did as you asked, you'll have your information by tomorrow," Jade nodded in response, and Garrus paused looking at her. "Who was he? The man in the N7 armour?"

"Kai Leng," Jacob informed him. "He's the Illusive Man's personal assassin, and one of his best operatives. There was always a bit of a rivalry between Miranda and Kai, both were always vying for that position of Illusive Man's favourite. He visited the Project Lazarus base several times."

"We have history," Jade pointed out, causing both Jacob and Garrus to turn to her in surprise. "I don't remember," she supplied giving them a dirty look, she was half-naked after all both men immediately turned around. "Did you give Mordin the scans I took of the chip?" she asked fingering her deep scars on her face, they were throbbing and clearly the cybernetics under her skin were glowing as the orange glow

"He's holed up in his lab analyzing it, as soon as he has something he will inform you," Jacob informed her.

Jade nodded quietly and turned to Chakwas, "Do you mind helping him? We need some way to remove that chip safely without risking Miranda's life or her safety."

"Of course Commander, now sit still."

"We need to discuss the new additions to our team," Jacob finally pointed out after a moment of silence. "We can't keep Oriana and Koylat with us, they aren't soldiers. They are kids Shepard, if we ever get Miranda back she will hate you if you turned her sister into a soldier."

"I know. I have no intention of turning either of them into soldiers. But I can't keep Oriana safe if she's not on this ship. I can't trust the Alliance, Cerberus has operatives working for them. The Council won't help me, they never have. She's safest on this ship. Give her Miranda's old room and office and tell her I'll be there to talk to her soon enough."

"Commander," he replied before leaving the med-bay.

Garrus was quiet for awhile listening to Shepard let out small hisses of pain as Chakwas patched her up. "Do we have time to go to war with Cerberus Shepard?"

"I'm not going to dismantle Cerberus; they are still useful...barely. No our...my first priority is to save Miranda. The Reapers can take a number and wait in line."

"We'd need her location to mount a rescue mission, and the Illusive Man has to have a very stringent defence team protecting her. We simply don't have the firepower."

"So we call in some favours," Jade responded with a shrug pulling her shirt on when Chakwas finished, only half listening as Chakwas informed her to take it easy. They both knew that was unlikely.

"You do realize there are a lot of people who hate you right?" Garrus pointed out dryly.

"So we recruit them kicking and screaming Garrus. I'm not going to give them the option of saying no this time," she quickly buttoned up her shirt, gently pressing on the creases to smooth it out.

Garrus's mandibles twitched in amusement letting out a short laugh; there was never a dull moment when he was with Shepard. Of course there was rarely a moment when they weren't all nearly being killed.

* * *

For the first time since Miranda had left Shepard entered what used to be her former office. She let out a short cough surprising Oriana who jumped in surprise, looking at her guiltily from where she had been rummaging through the things that Miranda had left behind. Jade took a seat on one of the couches motioning for Oriana to join her. "Commander Jade Shepard of the Normandy, you can call me Shepard. Everyone else does." She informed her studying the young woman in front of her.

Oriana looked taken aback by Shepard's harsh tone and look. She was quickly realizing that the woman in front of her was an extremely dangerous woman, if the scars were any indication. "Oriana," she was quiet for a second her eyes focused on the severe scars on Shepard's face. "Why did you bring me here and when can I go home?"

"You can't, at least not yet. In case you didn't notice, you're being hunted by an organization that will do anything to get to you."

"Randa would never hurt me," Oriana said defensively.

"Correct, if she was currently herself. She isn't, after we had our...falling out she went back to Cerberus who fu—betrayed her," Jade said scratching at her cheek. It wasn't as if Oriana was a child, but she certainly didn't want her picking up any bad behaviours while she was aboard. She would have to keep Jack away from her. "They implanted her with a cerebral implant, the same ones used by Batarian slavers. For the most part Miranda is a slave; she does not have control of her own actions." Jade told her. "Until we deal with the threat, or at least make it safe for you to return home, your new home is the Normandy."

"Deal with the threat, you aren't actually going to kill her are you? I've read about you...I wanted to know who Miranda was working for. I read about what you did at Torfan. You can't kill her. I asked you to protect her."

Jade sighed, she really should have just sent Kelly to do this, "I'm not Santa Clause kid, I don't grant wishes. I don't have magical powers; I will do everything in my power to bring Miranda back," with that Shepard got up getting to leave the room, she had work to do. "Feel free to explore the ship, there is a Drell, close enough to your age. And if you see a bald woman with tattoos who's half naked, for your own sake do not look, do not engage her physically or verbally, it will end badly for you. Everyone else is nice enough."

"I've never really met a Drell, I heard they had perfect memories. Is that true?" Oriana asked suddenly excited at the prospects of meeting someone new.

Jade nodded turning to look at Oriana, "A gift and a curse," she answered, a small smile tugged on her face. Ignorance was truly a bliss. "Come along I will introduce you to Koylat, you're both new on board, so try not to get into any trouble." She motioned for Oriana to follow her as they walked to the heading to the life support control room.


	9. Chapter 9

"The person who risks **nothing**, does **nothing**, has **nothing**, is **nothing**. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live. Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom. Only a person who risks is **free.**"

~William Arthur Ward

* * *

Oriana Lawson looked around the Mess Hall looking for a place to eat, it was bustling. People were in groups talking with their friends, it was probably the most social time on the ship, gossip was shared. It was almost like high school all over again. She scanned the room quickly finding her eyes were drawn to Shepard, who was sitting at a full table with nearly her entire squad. The Geth wasn't there, and either was Koylat or Thane or Jack. She had been surprised to see the synthetic on board, from the extranet reports, no one had killed more Geth than Shepard, and yet she seemed at ease with Legion. Odder still was the fact that Shepard seemed to maintain peace between the Quarian and the Geth, she was sure they were mortal enemies. Her eyes finally focused on the only free table. She quickly took a seat still watching the bustle of the ship. So this was how her sister lived, it seemed almost odd. She hadn't pegged her sister as a particularly social person. But it wasn't as if she really knew or understood Miranda.

People on the ship seemed reluctant to talk about Miranda in front of her, Rolston had told her about how Miranda had helped relocate his family, and the crew as a whole seemed respectful about Miranda's skill. But that was it, no one really knew her. They had told her to ask Shepard when she wasn't busy, but that was impossible as Shepard was always busy. Even now as she talked with her squad she was reading a file a frown on her face as she occasionally sent witty one-liners at a member of her squad as they talked all around her. Oriana started eating her breakfast, it was surprisingly delicious, much better than what they served at the University cafeteria, and she found herself eavesdropping on the conversations around her.

"Shepard, you can't afford Zaeed," Kasumi pointed out.

"I know, so we're going to get him something he wants more than anything. To put a bullet in Vido Santiago's face. The Shadow Broker gave me Vido's current location, we're going to go in and we're taking him alive. I figure this gift will be enough to get Zaeed back at least for awhile. God damn bastard has 'retired to Omega'. Who retires to Omega? " Jade said with a sneer.

"We would still need someone to take Grunt's position, another heavy hitter," Tali pointed out.

"Ashley." Jade said simply.

"She'll say no," Garrus pointed out. "You do remember what happened on Horizon don't you?"

"You mean the nonsensical argument that she made about how Cerberus was working with the Collectors?" Jade replied in a bored tone. "Yes Cerberus, a human supremacist group working with a group of aliens who are kidnapping humans, making humans look like they can't protect themselves, and ruining all colonization attempts? Or was it the whole calling me a traitor to the Alliance? Or accusing me of being brainwashed?"

"Yes all that."

"Well it's been a few months and considering the fact that I didn't shoot her for her obvious stupidity, Ash has always been a reasonable sort apart from her xenophobic tendencies, and quoting dead poets and authors, and weird analogies about dogs and bears and humans...she's probably cooled off and will be slightly more reasonable. "

"Until she see's you have a Geth on board and an AI on board," Tali added.

Oriana, winced they were talking about executing someone as if it was a daily thing for them completely engrossed as she listened to the latest ship gossip, it was of course about Shepard. As the crew gave their theories as to why their captain had been so badly injured that Garrus and Jacob had to help her peel her armour off in the infirmary. Jacob had left the Med-bay with Shepard's armour to clean the blood soaked insides which had dripped all over the floor.

"So you're the Cheerleader's sister," Jack said from behind Oriana, her voice was cold but filled with some curiosity as she studied the teenager. The entire mess went silent as all eyes focused on the confrontation. Even Jade placed down the file shifting in her seat getting ready to once again put her body on the line to stop Jack.

"Cheerleader? What are you talking about?" Oriana asked a puzzled expression gracing her features. She personally couldn't believe that Shepard let someone on her ship walk around like this. Even though Shepard herself wasn't exactly the epitome of neatness, she would never walk around the ship half-naked.

"What am I talking about? Your bitch of a sister didn't think that what Cerberus did to me was wrong. Guess she's learning first-hand just how..."

Jade was up in a flash sliding over the table and standing in front of Jack at her full height, "You're out of line Jack. Stand down."

Jack gazed at the taller woman a challenging expression on her facial features, "Or what? The Cheerleader's sister wants to know what type of woman her sister is I'm only being helpful."

"Stand down Jack," Jade warned again.

"Don't be a pussy Shepard."

"Don't make me space you Jack. You are not a rabid dog, don't make me put you down like one," Jade responded. Her response was Jack's entire body glowing blue with her biotics. "One more warning Jack, _**back the fuck down**_." Her voice carried the weight of her command.

Oriana was suddenly pulled away by Kasumi, "Trust me honey, if those two go at it, it would be best to be near an escape pod."

The staredown continued for a few tense minutes, before Jack dropped the field around her. "Fuck you Shepard."

Jade's body was still tense, not trusting Jack to simply back off, "Stay away from her, hell keep a deck apart. I don't have time to put up with your bullshit. I offered for you to fight beside me, if I'm forced to fight you, things will go very badly for you." She was once again awarded with a challenging look, "I said a deck apart Jack and right now she's on this deck, so you leave."

There was another tense moment between the two women, and everyone seemed to be holding their breath, wondering if Jack would simply walk away. "Pussy," she finally muttered out loud spinning around on her heels and storming to the elevator.

Jade watched her retreating figure, the next confrontation they had would most definitely end up in a fight. She looked around the mess hall realizing that all eyes were on her, she hadn't told the crew exactly what happened, wanting to keep it on a need to know basis. She was more upset that Jack didn't seem to know the meaning of confidentiality, if they managed to get Miranda back and she wanted the crew to know then that was her prerogative, even still she had insisted that EDI stop reporting to Cerberus and tell her all the locations of listening devices. She forced her body to relax and for her breathing to return to normal, "Carry on," she said dusting herself off and going back to her food.

* * *

"And there we were facing down a hoard of collectors, holding the line as Shepard fought a Reaper, blew the thing to hell. I learned something from that woman," Zaeed took a large gulp of the strong alcoholic drink in front of him. "She's bloody fearless, in all my years I have never seen someone so gifted."

"Coming from you that certainly means a lot," Jade said sliding into the chair next to him motioning for the bartender to get her a drink.

Zaeed scanned the crowd for her usual partners, but found none. "You came alone did you?"

"It's Omega," she replied dismissively eyeing her drink suspiciously, "All you've got to worry about is being poisoned by Batarians, cowardly way to attempt to kill someone. I prefer a straight up gun fight."

"The words of a true warrior," Zaeed said agreeing with her as he raised his glass. Shepard clinked her glass against his and they both downed their respective drinks. "So what brings you to this shit-hole Shepard."

Jade motioned for another drink, "I find myself in need of skilled help, people who I trust and I've worked with before. I don't need a rookie, I need a hardened veteran, someone with some heavy firepower. Know anybody?" she asked.

Zaeed smirked, "Shepard I'm retired, with the money that the Illusive Man gave me I'm going to find Vido, and then I'm going to light him on fire and leave him to burn on some god forsaken planet, letting the beasts pick at his charred remains. I might keep his skull as a trophy though," he mused.

"I need your skills Zaeed, at least for what I plan to be doing. No one else will do," Jade downed another drink. "I can't afford to pay you though."

"Then why are you here, you have nothing that I want. I'm happily retired."

Jade looked around, "It's Omega, it's a shit hole, certainly you could do better than this."

"It's the best place to find scum who know where that bastard is hiding," Zaeed said with a frown.

Jade fingered yet another drink, only feeling a slight buzz. "Really, Omega? Why not simply call up the Shadow Broker, and ask him. It might be expensive but it's not like you're hurting for credits."

Zaeed eyed her, ever since she had been with Miranda Shepard had rarely touched alcohol, at least not the good stuff the liquor, but here she was knocking them back as if they were nothing. "You and the Ice-queen break up?"

Jade turned to him, "It's complicated," she knocked another drink back, "But she's the reason that I need your skills, Cerberus has her. You know the cerebral implants that the Slavers and Pirates use?" she asked.

"Cerberus did that to the Ice queen? You sure? No one was more loyal to their cause than Miranda."

"Saw it and heard it with my own two eyes, " Jade confirmed. "He wanted to punish me for blowing the Collector base to hell, he wanted to punish Miranda for letting me. We got into it, she left, couple weeks later I'm realizing that I was a bit of an ass, so I go and apologize and next thing I know the shit hit the fan. Ever heard of Kai Leng?" she questioned him.

Zaeed paused for a second thinking back, "Can't say that I have."

"The Illusive Man's personal assassin, trained with me during my N7 days. Better technical scores and trust me when I say my technical scores were astounding. He seems to know me personally, but I can't remember him. You would think that I would given how competitive I am. He got arrested a few years back, killed a Krogan with a knife in a bar fight. He was stripped of his position and left to rot in an Alliance prison. The Illusive Man took note, got him out. He has a vendetta against me, wants to get a chip in my head as well." Jade informed him. "The only thing that I'm better at is leadership abilities, he prefers to work alone. Can't lead a team to save his life probably because there are too many variables."

"Sounds fascinating, but how is this going to convince me to leave retirement. In case you've forgotten we only barely tolerate each other presence. You respect my ability, I respect your ability and Command, clearly you know what you're doing."

A wry smile appeared on Shepard's face, "I got you a present, and I gift-wrapped it and put a bow on it. Think of it as a peace offering."

"You think a new gun is going to do it Shepard? I'm a bounty hunter and a mercenary, I get paid to do my work and you've admitted that you don't have the credits to hire my services," with that he stood up prepared to walk away.

"No I have something that money won't buy you," Jade answered him, not bothering to face him that dry smile still playing on her lips.

"And what's that?"

"Vido Santiago," Jade said motioning for yet another drink as Zaeed froze rooted to his spot. "Nothing is free Zaeed, you want him so bad, then you can have him as long as you join me. If not, well then you'll never find him. You'll never get your revenge."

"That's extortion."

"Think of it as...well bartering, I have something that you want, and I am in need of your skills. We're both helping each other."

"How badly injured is he?"

"I had Chakwas patch him up after much protest." Jade responded, rotating her wrist swirling the liquid inside the glass. "So Zaeed do we have a deal?"

"You drive a hard bargain Shepard, and here I was enjoying being retired. Deal, so long as I can do whatever I want to Vido without your interference."

"So long as you don't burn him in my ship, the smell of burning human flesh is revolting. And please don't torture him in my ship. We've got two impressionable kids on board, but I will take you anywhere you want to dispose of him."

"Reasonable," Zaeed grunted and Shepard downed her drink before joining Zaeed.

"To the Normandy then," She said raising her glass one more time and tipping her head back as she downed her last drink.

* * *

The Illusive Man was not a stupid man; though he no longer had EDI reporting to him he already knew what Shepard was doing, what she was planning. She would come after him with a vengeance, destroying Cerberus in the process. His organization still hadn't completely recovered from spending 4 billion credits bringing Shepard back to life, and with the Turian's doing attacking several of his bases, Cerberus's position had never been weaker. Given Shepard's history with bases, Cerberus wouldn't survive Shepard's special brand of attention.

He had underestimated Leng's hatred for Shepard. He had already blown his one chance to bring Shepard down, she was already adapting. If they met again there was a good chance that only one of them would walk away from the meeting alive. Despite the fact that Leng had been his personal assassin, and his own technical scores were impressive, he would still place his bet on Shepard. She had always had the ability to make the impossible, possible.

Killing Miranda was simply out of the question it will only serve to enrage Shepard, she would rip Cerberus apart and then watch it burn. No he had to protect Cerberus at all cost. Returning Miranda was also not a viable option, Shepard would still probably attack. Kai had prodded Shepard, no matter what actions the Illusive Man took Shepard would attack with ruthless vengeance. No he simply needed time; to build his defences to reassert Cerberus as a threat. To that he needed something that would force Shepard to take her mind off rescuing Miranda and get her to focus on the real problem; the Reapers.

He smiled to himself; he already knew what to do.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: SURPRISE...double update today. Hmm, you will probably will hate me after you finish reading this chapter, but meh love me anyway cause you get two chapters in one day. This story is nearly done, well...this arc of my femShep/Miranda saga anyway. So I was wondering if I should simply continue with this saga until I finish it? And if you want me to start something else, which pairing femshep/f pairing should it be? You only have three choices because I want it to happen in the events of Mass effect, so I can continue into ME 2. Ooh decisions, it's in your hands. Drop me a line, or simply review and tell me or you know vote, I do respond if you PM me, and I do answer questions if you write them in your reviews. Basically review.  
**

* * *

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and **betrayals**. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.

~ Anais Nin

* * *

Jade sat in her cabin going through files that Liara had sent her. Most of the files were on Cerberus, but Liara had slipped in information on where to locate Ashley Williams and more information about cerebral implants. Even with all the work that was placed in front of her, Jade was distracted; desperately trying to forget Zaeed's act of vengeance. She had been the sole person to watch Vido Santiago's fiery execution. The process had been slow, Zaeed had insisted on psychology torturing Vido, letting him run giving the poor bastard a sliver of hope that he could escape. She had watched as Zaeed hunted him down like a wild animal, following him. She had listened to Vido begging her to stop him, begging for mercy. He offered her anything, everything if she simply saved him. Instead she watched as Zaeed gave Vido a taste of hell. The explosion that happened after the flames reached the fuel canister probably ended up killing Vido silencing him.

Vido was scum he had deserved to die. But this wasn't some battle; he had been unarmed begging for mercy. And yet they had hunted him like an animal, stripping away his arrogance until he was nothing more than a snivelling shell. Any normal person would have been horrified they would have insisted on a more humane way to kill him. They wouldn't have let Zaeed pick away at him, till he could go no farther. She hadn't, she had barely even blinked watching the proceedings with clinical detachment.

_I remember the old Shepard, who got the job done no matter what the cost, the one who wouldn't have sacrificed her life to save the life of a cripple. The one who would have killed me damn the consequences. You haven't changed; you're still the same person you were back then. Hidden under all the bullshit you feed yourself is the person who didn't hesitate._

Kai's words echoed in her head, and she had to wonder if he was right. She had personally signed a man's death warrant knowing exactly the fate that awaited for him when Zaeed got his hands on him.

Her door hissed open and Jade was startled from her thoughts and turned away from her desk to look at the new entrant, she wasn't truly surprised to see Oriana entering her cabin. "How can I help you?" she asked standing up with a file still in her hand, forcing the teenager to look away from the aquarium that had been built into the wall.

Oriana looked at Shepard her eyes once again being drawn to the scars on her face, she wondered if it would be rude to ask. "About what...Jack said earlier about my sister."

A frown crossed Jade's face, "No one bothered to inform you that Jack and your sister loathe each other and only barely tolerate each other because I say they should play nice?"

"No. Everybody here gives me plenty of space like they are afraid of something."

"I don't see why they're afraid, I'm the one who Miranda's going to kill if you pick up any bad habits," Jade muttered mostly to herself. She sighed and motioned for Oriana to take a seat on her couch sitting across from her. She might as well tell Oriana the truth; she doubted that Miranda had ever been completely honest with her sister. Not that she blamed her, but with what had gone on it was probably time for a bit of honesty. "You've heard of Cerberus, the pro-human supremacist group?" she asked, she was answered with a nod.

"They're terrorists aren't they?"

"They are, your sister worked for them willingly, she was young when she joined them. They offered her protection...well more importantly they offered you protection and they helped hide you. Except the few good deeds that they do doesn't excuse them from killing Alliance admirals who ask too many questions, or the biotic death camps. That's Jack's story she is well the result and the survivor of a Cerberus biotic death camp, they killed god knows how many children to create the perfect biotic weapon. They conditioned her to fight."

"Randa worked for these people?" there was horror in Oriana's voice.

"Well in Miranda's case she never exactly did anything particularly terrible," Jade said quickly defending Miranda, she of course had no idea, it's not like either of them were forthcoming with this information. "From what I gathered she ended up saving a lot of lives, both human and alien alike. Your sister is a good person," Jade said reassuring her. "However while Miranda is definition of professionalism, Jack is not. Miranda is loyal to Cerberus's ideals, Jack is basically everything that is wrong with Cerberus, to say they clash is a gross understatement. When the clash actually happened, words were said that shouldn't have been said, tensions rose and if I hadn't intervened chances are there would have been a massive hole in the hull."

Oriana nodded, she understood, or at least she thought she understood. She sat their quietly taking in Shepard's room. She noticed a picture frame that had a picture of Miranda in it, it was a headshot and Oriana looked at Jade, "She loved you."

Jade grimaced, she didn't want to talk about her feelings, especially not with Miranda's kid sister. She already felt guilty enough. "I know." Oriana was quiet sensing that Shepard didn't want to talk about it. Jade sighed, Oriana only wanted to know more about her sister. "I love your sister and this whole situation is mostly my fault. Had I acted sooner, had I asked that she stay, had I told her that I loved her, that I needed her...she wouldn't have left." It had been her hesitation, her paranoia she didn't even trust herself around Miranda, this was her mistake. "Your sister for some odd reason is in love with me, and could certainly do much better than me."

"I certainly thought she could," Oriana commented causing Shepard to crack a wry grin.

"What did your sister think of me anyway?"

"She was mad at you when she wrote me you don't want to know," Oriana said attempting to avoid the subject.

Jade snorted she had an idea what Miranda had said, "You have to believe me when I say I will do everything in my power to get your sister back and make sure that you are safe."

And Oriana believed her.

* * *

"Breaking and entering is a crime you know Shepard. Ashley would be completely in her right to shoot you," Tali informed her Commander.

Garrus nodded, "And you know sitting here in the dark with your...eyes like that will only freak her out," he added cautiously.

"Ash has done well for herself. I'm proud," Jade said as she took a seat on the comfortable couch, which faced the only entrance. She ignored Garrus and Tali, the only reason she had taken them was to simply put Ashley at ease and to stop her from shooting Ashley. It was mostly the latter her fuse had been short as of late and she didn't want to put up with Ashley's bullshit. Her hand was placed lazily on her pistol which was still at her hip. She willed herself to think of calming positive thoughts, and her eyes slowly turned back to their regular colour, the pain in her jaw lessening as her cybernetics cooled off.

"Did you at least tell her you were going to drop by? It's rude to simply drop by unannounced." Tali said, of course it was incredibly rude to break into someone's house but that was simply stating the obvious.

"It's rude to call the person who has saved her ass more times than I can care to count a traitor. I thought Ashley was a friend, one of my weirder friends, but a friend nonetheless. If she needed my help, which I'm sure she will one of these days I would go help her. No matter how crazily impossible it was," Jade finally responded.

"It was uncalled for Shepard, but she's on leave with her sisters who are here. You know how protective she is of her sisters."

"I'm not going to shoot them, though they might not be too fond of you Garrus, Ashley never did trust you, or Wrex. She was fond of Tali though, and she came around on Liara," Shepard paused. "It was probably because I was with Liara."

"I did notice the hate, everyone else was okay with me though, you certainly made me feel welcome. Considering that you were chasing a rogue Turian Spectre."

"You invited yourself on the mission if I remember correctly so did Wrex," Jade paused and turned to Tali, "Hell so did you."

"It's not like you said no either...why didn't you?" Tali asked, she had always wondered why Shepard had seemed so at ease with creatures of other species.

"You mean why I wasn't like Ashley, and some of the other people on board?" Jade asked and shrugged, "I only look for the best, don't care what species you are, if I think you're good then you will have my respect. If you become part of my squad then you become family or close enough, I will always have your back no matter what the situation. After all we're shedding blood together."

Garrus nodded feeling pleased, Shepard rarely handed out compliments. It was as if she simply expected the best with everyone she worked with, there was no good job. But she had just openly admitted that she respected his skill. He was about to comment on what Shepard had said when he heard someone at the door. He immediately put his hand on his gun a habit he had picked up. He noticed Tali doing the same thing, following Shepard was definitely hazardous to one's wellbeing. She had shifted ever so slightly getting ready.

"I know I didn't leave this door open," Ashley's voice carried through the door. She let out a stream of curses, "

"Someone's broken in," Ashley's voice carried through the door, "I know I didn't leave the door open. Stay clear, they might still be in there."

The door to Ashley's apartment hissed open and the apartment was suddenly flooded with light as Ashley left cover entering the room to see her three former teammates sitting comfortably on her couch. "Skipper?" she asked confused her gun still trained on Shepard's head.

Jade crossed her legs and relaxed back onto the couch, an amused smile playing on her lips. "Ash, you know what happens when people point guns at me. Put it away before you hurt yourself."

Ashley didn't put her gun away staring in disbelief at how relaxed Shepard looked as she hinted at potential violence as if it was nothing, "Are you threatening me in my own apartment?"

Jade gave her a dry look, "Of course not that would be rude, like calling your former Commanding officer a traitor, even though set former commanding officer saved your life again on Horizon. Just like she did on Eden Prime, Virmire, the Citadel, I'm sure the list will go on if I simply sit down and think about it. It's simply common sense that pointing a loaded gun at me is not the smartest idea, put it away Ashley. If I wanted to hurt you, you'd be gasping in a pool of your own blood right about now."

Ashley kept her gun trained on Shepard, she had seen Shepard empty her clip into someone before they could pull out their own weapon before. "You can't blame me considering who you work for," she said finally holstering her gun. She stuck her head out the door, "You can come in now," she informed her sisters.

Jade turned her head slightly back to the door, she hadn't seen the William's sisters since before she died, a smile tugged at her lips, "If it isn't the William's clan."

The three younger women stared at Jade as if she were a ghost, Ashley merely looked away as if she were uncomfortable. Finally after much silence, Sarah the young one finally spoke up, "Shepard we thought you were dead."

An amused look crossed Shepard's face, "I was, I got better." Her eyes flicked back to Ashley, "You didn't tell them about Horizon?"

"No one was supposed to know exactly what happened on Horizon, Skipper. And your file is...really well classified. The Alliance brass is keeping an extremely tight lip about it."

"Haven't been making it easy for them Shepard, word is spreading," Garrus commented.

The smile that had been playing on Shepard's lips finally came through for a split second as if she took pleasure in the Alliances discomfort in the situation, they wouldn't be able to ignore her forever. "As amusing as the Council's current predicament is, I'm not here to talk about them. That's an issue for another day."

Ashley frowned, "Shepard we've been through this. I'm an Alliance soldier. It's in my blood. It's in your blood. I will not betray them to work for a human supremacist group. You betrayed everything we stood for Shepard, and you saw what they did. You saw firsthand what Cerberus did. You of all people are the antithesis of what Cerberus stands for. Hell you were sleeping with Liara."

Jade shifted in her seat, "You wouldn't be working for Cerberus you would be working with me. I need people that I can trust, whose skills I respect..."

"We need someone who packed a powerful punch and Shepard thought of you. You should be honoured; she's worked with some exceedingly skilled people. And she wants you, that has to mean something," Garrus pointed out, cutting off Shepard, who glanced at him.

"I am not going to betray the Alliance," Ashley said forcibly. "I know where my loyalties lie."

Jade shifted in her seat leaning back, "Still have that chip on your shoulder?" she asked.

"A chip on my shoulder, Shepard my family name was blacklisted because of what my grandfather did on Shanxi, my father was passed over for promotion time and time again..."

Jade tossed the file that she had in front of her, "That's your father's file; he wasn't good enough to pass above his rank. He was a good man; he simply didn't have the skill to move up farther in the Alliance. True he got shitty assignments due to who his father was, but I wouldn't have put his name up for promotion as I did for you, read it yourself it's all there. I don't understand what your family went through, but in that file is the truth. But please don't give me the whole they hate me for Shanxi, dear god that was ages ago. I didn't even make the connection until you told me. Williams is a common name Ash."

"How did you get this, you shouldn't have access to Alliance personnel files," Ashley said her voice turning icy.

"The Shadow Broker," Jade supplied.

"The Shadow Broker hates you, or have you sold your soul to him as well," Ashley said.

Jade, Garrus and Tali exchanged looks before Shepard turned back to Ashley, "You've missed a hell of a lot and I can't tell you that." Jade got up. "Well I needed to reaffirm your position once again. I'll see you around." She motioned for Tali and Garrus to wait outside and the two of them exited the room, Jade walked by Ashley stopping beside her. "Oh one more thing," Jade said looking at Ashley. "Out of all the people who were with me, I would never believe that you Ash would betray me, you would distance yourself from what we fought against, what we saw. That as soon as I died, you would wash your hands of me everything we did together. "

"I have never..."Ashley began only to stop as she saw Shepard's eyes glowing the ragged scars on her face glowed orange for a split second.

"Your silence was enough. Keep with the Alliance, I'll save the galaxy with or without them, but I will force this galaxy to be ready one way or another."

Ashley was quiet for a second, "What's your mission?"

Jade looked over at her, "You've already made your allegiances clear. But if you must know, Cerberus took something important to me, I want it back. I was going to show them what happens when you take what's mine. I was going to make Cerberus bleed. However I will get it done without you. Don't worry you'll be hearing about what I've been up to soon enough," Jade flashed Ashley a smile before walking out of her apartment.

* * *

Jade sat by herself in the mess hall, going through the list of Cerberus bases that Liara had sent her. There were at least a hundred bases on the list, she didn't have the time or the resources to start clearing them out. It could take weeks to go through each of these bases, and the Illusive Man would simply keep moving. It would take pure luck to pick the right base...Shepard paused, she could narrow this down considerably. She pulled out the shipping records for one of the bases, and scanned it a smile appeared on her face. "Brilliant," she muttered to herself. "EDI I want you to do something for me, all the data that you received from the Shadow broker concerning Cerberus bases. Look for any recent shipments of N7 armour, Giuli Vorn suits, or any expensive male...or female clothing. Also look for expensive liquor or expensive cigarettes."

"Commander, there are twenty bases that fit that profile. I have narrowed down the search to three bases."

Jade paused, "Based on what parameters?"

"I analyzed the data Shepard, I narrowed it down to which base would be better suited to withstand your infiltration formation. I also checked for an increase in the amount of soldiers, mercenaries, private security firms. In other words where there are armies stationed. Of course the armies could only be a ruse, set to lure you away from the Illusive Man's real location. "

"They aren't," Jade informed her impressed."

"How can you be so sure?" EDI asked. "Decoys are a common military strategy, and given the numbers Shepard..."

"I know because it's what I would do. He's not going to underestimate me, he fully expects me to find him. He wants to protect himself, can't blame him. An organized army against my incomplete squad, Leng's been involved in this. He's practically daring me too attack blindly, to risk my team. And given the proximity of these three bases, the Illusive Man or Leng could call for reinforcements at any given time. We're going to knock out their communication towers, their satellite uplink towers, everything. And we'd have to pick the right one, I need to be sure that Miranda's there, I won't risk my squad unless I am certain."

There was silence and Shepard began to wrack her brain for anything that would increase her chances of choosing correctly, "EDI are any of these bases on a planet that has blue star as the sun or is in close proximity to one."

"There is one base Commander that fits that new parameter."

Jade paused, "Send the coordinates to..."

"Shepard—Commander."

Jade sighed looking up at Legion opening to reply when Tali's voice interrupted her, "Shepard I've just received news that the Flotilla is going to war against the Geth."

Jade paused and immediately stood up motioning for them to follow, "What changed? The Geth stay behind the veil, your people are nomads you two haven't truly clashed since the Quarians fled their home world three hundred years. I thought we still had time like a couple more years before the Quarians did anything about it...shit," realization suddenly dawning on her of who could have sparked an intentional war between the Geth and the Quarians. There were only two options, and she seriously doubted that Liara would have fucked her over like that.

"The tests performed by the Creators has been leaked onto the extranet. Several scouting vessels were destroyed by the Creators."

"That son of a bitch," Shepard muttered. "EDI inform Joker to plot a course to the migrant fleet we need to be there as of yesterday. Inform the squad to meet me in the comm. room," Jade ordered muttering a string of curses under her breath. She turned to Legion, "Hold back on attacking the Quarians, we need them. We need the both of you if we're going to beat the Reapers. Give me some time to at least convince the Quarian's that war is a terrible idea."

"Agreed Shepard-Commander."

"Good," Jade said in a tone that dismissed them. Jade looked back to the files that Liara had given her on Miranda, she was so close. But saving the galaxy came first, Miranda understood that.

* * *

Jade sat in the comm. room sitting in the chair at the head of the table she was in full armour, tapping her finger against the table. Her annoyance was growing; this war was the epitome of stupidity. She could be, and most certainly wanted to be elsewhere, he had done this to distract her. "How quickly will it take to convince the Admiralty board that what they are doing is stupid?" she asked Tali.

"Shepard this isn't a mission that will be over in several hours and just fly off, nor is this a trial. My people are preparing to go to war with the Geth, if you want peace between us and the Geth, it will take several months, of careful political machinations. You have to play smart."

"Shepard-Commander seeks peace between us and the Creators. As such Shepard-Commander should be the one to officiate the peace treaty amongst our people."

"I'm sorry did you say months?" Jade asked finally sitting forward.

"Shepard you only got a taste of Quarian politics, they are very much like human politics. However this affects the lives of millions of Quarians, the Geth scout ships were seen as an open act of aggression on the Geth's part."

"The Geth have also agreed to not attack, are you telling me that it will take months for me to simply convince the Quarians not to sign their own death warrants?"

"Shepard your presence will simply act to hold back the initial attack. It will take some political manoeuvring to even get the Quarians to consider a peace treaty with the Geth. My people they are impressed with you, you may have a bit more pull."

Jacob looked at Shepard, "Miranda knows how to handle herself, she'll be fine," he said in an attempt to reassure her, seeing a flash of hesitation on Shepard's face.

Garrus nodded, "The Reapers come first Shepard, we need the Quarians, and you've said this time and time again. We need the Geth, a war would only serve to decimate their populations to the point of near extinction. It will cripple your efforts against the Reapers. Your plans, quite a few of them rely on a peace between the Quarians and Geth working together."

Jade looked away, they were right. Of course they were right. She looked at the expectant faces they needed her to be onboard, they needed Commander Shepard. She clenched her hand, making a fist and slammed her hand against the table leaving a decent sized dent. They didn't know what they were asking her they had no idea, well Zaeed did but he hadn't weighed in on the situation. She inhaled deeply, closing her eyes, before nodding. "I'm the last person you need to convince, the mission comes first. There won't be a galaxy left for anyone if I don't do this."

"Thank you Shepard, I won't forget this," Tali said gratefully.

Jade nodded quietly, placing her hands on the table and looking at the crew, "Suit up, all of you," she said with a dismissive wave of her hand, watching her crew file out.

"Shepard made the right decision," Garrus said mostly to himself as they left.

"We'll get Miranda back once this all over, for Shepard," Tali said.

"No. We won't," Zaeed informed her.

"What are you talking about as soon as we're done stopping this war from happening, Shepard will ride in and save the day like she normally does," Kasumi responded.

Zaeed let out a short laugh, "If we come in months later there will be nothing of Miranda left to save, just a body and a shattered mind. It would be kinder, much kinder to simply put her out of her misery. You just asked your commanding officer to sign her lover's death warrant."

The rest of the crew stopped what they were doing and looked at Zaeed, "Why didn't you say something?" Jacob asked.

"Would you have told Shepard to fuck the Reapers and go after the woman she loved?" Zaeed asked. "No you would have told her sacrifice Miranda for the good of the galaxy, whether you knew the consequences or not, the result would have been the same. The life of one woman, the woman she loves, over the life of trillions. The decision was made; Shepard has always been a soldier before anything else. Putting everyone else's needs above her own, sacrificing everything for the good of the galaxy, this is Shepard. "Zaeed glanced back at the door. "I wouldn't go back there, let the commander grieve in peace. At least give her that, the privacy to mourn." The crew nodded and immediately went to suit up.

* * *

Commander Shepard saviour of the Citadel, the Butcher of Torfan, the Saviour of the Citadel, Humanities Icon and apparent saviour, she was many things. Many people thought that she was incredibly brave, they thought her to be some great hero. Who stood up for what was right, for what she believed to be right and just. She wasn't brave, no she was merely a coward hiding in the boots of a hero, unable to deal with the consequences of her actions.


	11. Chapter 11

It is in plunging into the stream of life itself and entering into the deepest involvement with the values that confront us, exercising our wills to the utmost-to the **breaking point**-that we find God in the very extremity of the battle.

~Geddes MacGregor

* * *

The door's to what used to be Miranda's office slid open and Jade walked in her helmet in her hand, she wasn't surprised to find Koylat talking with Oriana. The two of them had grown close spending most of their time together. It wasn't much of a surprise considering that they were relatively close in age and both felt out of place on her ship. She watched them talking, both to engrossed to actually notice her presence. "Koylat," the two finally looked up at Shepard. "I need to talk to Oriana." The Drell nodded shooting one more look at Oriana before he left the room. Jade watched the exchange, she wondered if she should be worried at the amount of time that they were spending together. "You've known each other for a few days...it's good to see the two of you getting along."

Oriana smiled, "Randa won't be pleased will she?"

"Probably not then again who knows," Jade replied taking a seat across from Oriana. If there was one thing that Shepard hated more than anything was informing family members of bad news.

"So can I see inside the flotilla? Are we here to pick up another member for your crew? I heard that your old squad mate refused."

"We're not in 'Quarian Space' because I want to be here, but because I need to be here. The Quarians have declared war on the Geth, I need to stop their stupid invasion plan before they attack," Jade looked at her, "I need to make sure that before I leave that there is a peace treaty in talks with the Geth and the Quarians, if I leave then the Geth will attack. A war between these two will decimate their numbers if not cause the extinction of the other race, and I need the Geth, and the Quarians to work together if I ever want to stop the Reapers and save this galaxy."

"How long are we going to be here?"

"I don't know, Tali said it might take a couple of months to get the Admirals to see things my way, the entire time they will be preparing for a war. I need to convince them that it's a stupid idea that the Geth and Quarians can work together. Unfortunately if I leave before there is peace, the Geth will attack the Quarians and then it would be too late."

"When are you going to save Miranda?"

"I can't, this is too important for me to go running off looking for her; I'm not even sure where she is exactly. I have an idea but if I'm wrong then we have to start again, in reality there hundreds of Cerberus bases out there, the Illusive Man could be hiding at any one of them. It would take weeks for me to clear out each and every one of them. By that time the Quarians and the Geth would be at war. I'm sorry, but I am needed here. I promised you that I would find your sister and I will I will rip Cerberus apart looking for her. That I promise you, I will get your sister back."

There was a strangled look on Oriana's face as her anger flared, "You told me you would do everything in your power to bring her back, and yet you're not doing anything. While you sit here who knows what that sick bastard could be doing to her, what he could be making her do? I thought you said you loved her, yet here you are abandoning her."

"My mission is too important for my personal feelings to get in the way. This needs to be done. You think that this is a coincidence that a fight between the Geth and the Quarian break out now after basically ignoring each other for the past 300 years. No, this has the Illusive Man written all over it. I will not let the Reapers win, the mission comes first."

"No Miranda should come first, she needs you Shepard. Can't you think of anything maybe the Council..."

"My connections are based on how much people like me, and considering that the Council wouldn't shed a tear if I died. The same could be said Alliance. There is nothing I can do, no one that can help me. Unless you want to do my job, having everybody counting on you and they aren't even aware of it. Every life in the galaxy even Miranda's, even yours depends on my actions here today, tomorrow, the next day and every day until they arrive. And they will come, if we are not ready for them, if we cannot unite every species to be ready for them, then Miranda is dead anyway. If you think that I want this then you are sadly mistaken. I was cursed with the knowledge of the Reapers, I've seen two Reapers, and I've destroyed one. Someone threw the fate of this galaxy and the lives of everyone in it into my hands. I am given impossible decisions to make, and I do it because it is asked of me and because someone has to do it. I have given up everything, my soul, my freedom, the woman I love because if I don't then who will? Will you take my place? Choose who lives and who dies. If you want to be me, then go ahead. I'm tired of everyone in the galaxy trying to fucking kill me while I struggle and sacrifice to save their miserable lives." Jade eyes glowed angrily the cybernetics glowing orange as her jaw began to ache and she roughly rubbed at it.

Her rage was finally bubbling to the surface, everything that had built up and she had quickly reigned in. She quickly grappled with her emotions closing her eyes and inhaling deeply, "I should go, but I'll do what I can. That's all I can promise," with that Shepard stood up and walked out of the room still grappling with her rage, her anger at the situation. She was at her breaking point and now was not the time, she needed to have full control of her faculties. She needed a plan something, anything that would swing this in her favour or at least would cause the Quarian admirals to back down and listen to her. All she needed to do was get the peace treaty in talks before she could slip away.

"Commander, we've arrived, Tali's confirming our identity, you should head up here for decontamination."

Jade looked up as she normally did when Joker's voice came over the intercom before returning to her task at hand calming herself down. She inhaled sharply she needed the Quarians on her side and she wasn't going to do it unless she had a clear head. She inhaled deeply again trying to calm herself to push her rage to the side.

Another deep breath, she was at her breaking point. Something was going to give if they kept pushing her, she only hoped that when the time came she would have enough rage to show the Illusive Man and Kai Leng just exactly they had awoken.

_

* * *

She isn't coming._

The thought echoed in her head as she finally slid down in her imaginary jail walls, she had grown weary of banging on the walls of her mental prison. She had stopped paying attention to what was done with her body. It was simply easier to curl up and pretend nothing was happening. To take whatever punishment was dished out. To not think about it as the Illusive Man, or anyone else he decided to let abuse her, use her body for their pleasure. She was nothing but a sexual blow-up doll.

She should have been used to this; she had no idea why her expectations had been so high. Shepard was a soldier before anything else, constantly putting her duty before her own feelings, before her. This wasn't the first time either that Shepard's mission had come first. When they had walked out of the Collector base, Shepard had promised her a week of her undivided attention. That was hardly the case, Shepard was always on the move, going from one place to another, non-stop, going from arguing with the Council to private meetings with Anderson and Alliance brass. She never stopped, Miranda couldn't even remember the time that she had woken up in Shepard's arms. Sometimes she had fallen asleep waiting for Shepard, she had never put down the mission to simply stop and figure out what she was protecting. Their communication had been all but severed since the suicide mission.

_The mission comes first_.

It was Shepard's mantra; her excuse. Shepard for the most part ignored her presence, rarely spending a moment of time with her. It had been difficult to spend any intimate moments with Shepard, and those that they did share, those stolen moments were the few times that she thought she had all of Shepard's attention and even that felt forced like Shepard was going through the motions. It hadn't been as highlighted until that Asari had come back into Shepard's life. That connection that Liara shared with Shepard, she wanted that. Shepard even had a closer relationship with Garrus than she did with Miranda and it drove her mad. She wanted to laugh with Shepard, to tease her like Liara did, like everyone else did.

_And yet she came to bring you back, she risked her neck and her life to save your sister to protect her from your fate. _

But that was typical Shepard, always risking her neck nearly getting herself killed every day. She gave no thought to Miranda or to anyone else for that matter. She was reckless, and her body held the scars of most of her battles. She could tell Miranda where most of them came from, going into great detail about how she had gotten each scar. She was proud of them. Proud that she nearly got herself killed almost daily for her crew, and yet when pressed Shepard would claim that she was fighting for everyone and everything. She would give no real reason no specifics as to why she fought as hard as she did, why she constantly put her body on the line. And Mirnada found herself wishing that Shepard would say her name to look at everyone in the eye and inform them that she fought for a future for the two of sighed inwardly it was not as if Shepard would even want to touch her again, she had seen what they had done to her. That was if Shepard would even come for her, Shepard didn't need her. She doubted she even had a place in Shepard's life any more.

_She's never let me down before. She looked me in the eye and told me that she would come for me. That she would save me._

She had to have faith that Shepard would indeed come for her before it was too late before she lost herself in the Illusive Man's web, before she broke. Shepard thought of something she always did, it was separated the two of them, she could never spin a situation like Shepard could. Shepard could look at an impossible situation and make it possible she would take educated gambles and hope for the big payoff. She just had to give Shepard some more time, to figure something out. Shepard wasn't someone to be counted out in a fight, she would be here.

She halted briefly, since when had she put all her stock in heroes. Was she so weak that she couldn't take care of herself that she had to depend on Shepard to come and rescue her? An impossible situation, yet she was positive Shepard would have thought of a way out of it. She would have regained her senses. She couldn't simply wait for Shepard to come; she needed to be pro-active in this. She needed to show Shepard that she did not need her to be her hero. She would show Shepard that she didn't need her in that capacity. She was no longer the scared little girl who cowered and ran to someone for protection; no she would find her a way out of this without Shepard. She would earn her respect, she would show her that she wasn't some damsel in distress for Shepard to come rescue like that Asari.

She was Miranda Lawson and she needed to show Shepard that she was her equal in every way. She was no longer a tool to be used and discarded like she had been in the past with her father, with the Illusive Man. It was the only way to prove to Shepard that she wasn't like all the people Shepard fucked in the past, all those people pining for the love of a hero. No she loved Shepard despite the fact that she was one of those heroes that she despised so much.

"Do not think that you can come in Shepard and bully this Admiralty board into doing what you want like you did last time. We cannot sit around idly while the Geth prepare for war," Admiral Han'Gerrel Vas Neemah informed Shepard.

"Mutually assured destruction isn't on the table today; I'm offering you a way to return to your home world with minimum bloodshed. I was under the impression that the Admiralty board was to do things in the best interest of the Quarian people. I'm offering you a peace treaty with the Geth, one in which you will be able to return to your home world, that you will be able to live without your environmental suits and no longer worrying that a stalled ship would mean the most certain death of your people. I offer the Quarians a return to former glory, no longer being looked upon as beggars and vagrants by everyone else in the galaxy," Jade replied trying to reason with them.

"Why should we care what the Citadel races think of us? We asked them for help, to help us control the Geth and they refused to help us. They let millions of our ancestors die they let us be chased off and exiled forcing us to roam the stars..." Daro'Xen vas Moreh began.

"Really have Quarian's never heard of personal responsibility? I may not be the biggest fan of the council, and I may secretly wish that I had let them die instead of sacrificing human lives to save them, but how are they to blame for any of this. You attempted to skirt around strict galactic laws surrounding AI research and that came back to bite you in the ass when the Geth became sentient. Why the hell would the Council help you clean up the mess you made. After all the Geth weren't attacking Council races or hell any other race. They were just attacking the Quarians who attempted to exterminate them. The Council was under no obligation to help you clean up your mess," Jade interrupted.

"She's right. The Geth are our responsibility we should look at every option to deal with them not simply throws our ships and the lives of our people. We made this mess and Shepard is placing a gift on our table we should at least take the time to look over Shepard's option, what if peace could actually be made with the Geth?"

"At least someone sees sense," Jade flicked her eyes to Qwib Qwib. "I had a strong disliking of the Geth since the attack of Eden prime, I'm sure that I've killed thousands of them, but as most of you have noticed I've got a Geth on board. He's saved my life probably more than once and I am honoured to work beside him. This is a real possibility for Quarians to work beside the Geth once more," Jade eyes flicked to Xen, "Not as their masters, but as friends, as it should have been three hundred years ago. The Geth fought for their survival, no one can fault them for that. I most certainly can't and it would be hypocritical of you to do the same. The Quarians fight for their survival every day of their lives. I urge you to rethink this stupid plan of yours considering that if you fail there won't be much of a Quarian race left."

"And whose word are we to believe that Geth truly want peace? Do you honestly want us to believe the word of one single Geth? For all you know this could be a grand scheme to lure the Quarians into Geth space and destroy us," Garrel put in.

"My word, I have been a friend to the Quarians, I am still a friend to the Quarians, I give you my word that the Geth won't attack," Jade replied standing to full height.

"The word a Spectre working for Cerberus and avowed enemy of the Quarians and the Citadel, I'm sorry if your word doesn't carry any weight," Xen said dismissively. "We will go to war with the Geth and retake our home-word."

The whispers around the room began to grow in support of the admirals, causing Jade to grit her teeth; she needed to contain this situation. "You don't even have a planet to maintain your non-combatants, all your children the people who can't fight. You are signing their death warrants and I won't stand for it."

Xen let out a small laugh, "You have no power to stop us Shepard. You only have one ship, what do you plan to do have a blockade of one ship. You can throw your tantrum somewhere else, you can rage and scream at us you have no actual power to stop us."

"You underestimate the lengths I will go to stop you from this mistake. I need both the Geth and the Quarians to help me take down the Reapers, I will not allow your stupidity to cost the galaxy it's only chance of survival," Jade snarled suddenly aware of how Wrex felt.

"Is that a veiled threat?" Gerrel asked her, his voice harsh.

"I don't make threats, I make promises. I will drag you to your home world kicking and screaming if I must, but we're going to do this my way, and by the end of the week you will be in talks with the Geth for a peace treaty. I don't have time to put up with this shit anymore and Tali there is no way you are going to make me sit here on my ass for months like these people, thinking that I know what's important and that I know what's best when there are lives that depend on me." With that Shepard turned on her heels and stormed back to the Normandy.

"Do you think this tantrum will help your cause Shepard? This issue has already been decided there is nothing you can do to stop it," Xen called out, but she was ignored as Jade stormed back to the Normady.

* * *

Jade slammed her helmet across the wall before tossing it aside, she hated politicians. She inhaled deeply forcing herself to calm down. The Admiralty board were right it's not as if Shepard had a fleet at her command and could bully the Quarian admirals into doing what she wanted. She personally held no power, she was a Spectre who had never really had the backing of the Council, and she had been abandoned by the Alliance, and it wasn't as if she were in good graces with Cerberus. It would take a show of force and a pure bluff to get what she wanted. The Admirals were not stupid she would actually need to show her firepower to get them to rethink pissing her off more so than they had already done. It was a good thing she did actually know somebody with a fleet at his command.

"EDI get me Admiral Hackett."


	12. Chapter 12

It means treasury, but it is just a place where words congregate with their relatives, a big park where hundreds of family reunions are always being held.

~William Collins

* * *

"I am once again standing in front of this Admiralty Board once again asking them to reconsider this foolish notion of going to war with Geth," Jade said her voice was tired it had been the third day she had been stuck on the Migrant Fleet. It had been clear that Shepard had changed tactics remaining almost respectful as she attempted to negotiate with the Admirals. She had even changed how armed she was, the first day she had been heavily armed but currently she only had her side arm on it. Which was surprising considering that Shepard never ever took

Garrus leaned in to talk to Tali "Does this remind you of 'Lord' Darius? Or is it only me?"

Tali watched Shepard, "No, you could see that Shepard was resisting the urge to kill him, she failed remember he asked her to say please and that was it. Speaking of which you still owe me some credits, she lasted longer than you predicted. For a second I thought she wasn't going to actually shoot." Tali watched her friend. "This is different she's no longer agitated, did something happen with Miranda that we weren't aware of? Cause I think I saw her smile this morning in the Mess."

Garrus looked over at his best friend, "She was with Jack earlier and it looked like Jack and Zaeed were arming up for something, do you think she's going to send them to find Miranda? Mordin informed her that he had discovered a way to disable the implant without hurting Miranda; a controlled EMP should disable it until Chakwas can remove it surgically. We should be on that mission."

"You should be on that mission, Shepard needs me here to help her navigate Quarian politics, and to keep her from shooting someone. She's still armed after all."

Jade turned to Garrus and Tali shooting them a dirty look before going back to the Admiralty Board, "You are not listening to me, I understand that the Quarians have to be insular society for the good of the Flotilla, but this isn't for the good of the Flotilla not to mention that the Galaxy needs both you and the Geth working together." Again Shepard turned to Xen shooting her a dirty look as well, "Working together, as it should have always been. Is what I'm saying so terrible that you would be willing to sacrifice the entire Quarian species in some sort of poorly thought out and what would be poorly executed attack on the Geth."

"A poorly executed attack? Our marines..." Han Gerrel began.

"Couldn't even take back one of your ships, I had to clean that mess up for you. If I remember the Geth on board wiped out how many of your Marines? I walked in there with only Tali and Garrus at my side and walked back out after clearing your ship. The very fact that you're in environmental suits puts you at a severe disadvantage in any war."

"And yet you want us to help you fight the Reapers, one ship took out how many Alliance ships," Gerrel shot back.

"That's the point no one race can stand up and fight the Reapers, it would take all of us working hand in hand to beat them back," Jade said, "And I need both the Geth and the Quarians working hand in hand to even stand a fighting chance. The Geth are not opposed to you returning as long as you promise to not attack. This is beyond fair because from where I stand the Quarian's have always been the aggressor not the Geth," Jade replied with ease.

"They would have attacked us anyway they are synthetics, a pre-emptive strike was the only option," Han Gerrel attempted to refute.

"Was there any evidence to suggest this? Did a Geth kill a child or something so terrible that I wasn't aware off? Of course not, you overreacted and tried to cover up your mistake by attempting to destroy them, hoping that they were still not organized enough to fight back. You were mistaken and the result was a bloody war that had Quarians rushing to their ships and fleeing to the stars. You were wrong then, and you won't admit it. You're wrong now, refusing my help is a mistake and every man, woman and child on the Migrant fleet will die because of your arrogance."

"The only person in this room that has been blinded by arrogance is you Commander Shepard, for the past three days you have wasted the time of this Admiralty board attempting to convince us that you are right and we are wrong. There is nothing that you can do to stop us—"Xen began.

"And yet half of the Fifth fleet has created a blockade around the only Mass relay nearby. What a coincidence that is.," Jade mused, clearly amused at the recent turn of events. "And despite the fact it's only half of the Fifth fleet, it still won't have any trouble tearing through the Migrant Fleet. So about how there is no way that I can stop you? I just did." Jade smirked under her helmet.

"That's preposterous we have received no reports that—"Han Garrel began only to be cut off as the intercom aboard the Neemah to cut him off.

"An Alliance Dreadnaught is approaching the Migrant Fleet. The Ship has been identified as the SSV Orizaba. They have refused all communications, awaiting orders."

Jade looked at the Quarian Admiralty board, "So about that peace treaty, because you most certainly don't want to fuck with an Alliance Dreadnaught."

Tali looked at Shepard and then at Garrus, "Is she bluffing?" she hissed. "This is basically a declaration of war, we can't beat the Alliance."

Jade turned to Tali, "I don't bluff, and now considering all the power in this negotiation is now in my hands as it should be I suggest that we return to the issue at hand. Which is a peace with the Geth because quite frankly if the thought of half of the Fifth Fleet is even enough to give you pause then you most certainly are not ready for a war with the Geth. So I nominate Tali, Qwib-Qwib and Raan to enter talks with Legion to find some common ground and then start building a treaty. Does that work for everyone?" Jade looked around the room which had gone quiet all eyes focused on her.

"Is this supposed to scare us?" Han'Garrel began.

"Are you willing to sacrifice the entire Migrant fleet for the sake of your pride? Attacking one of their ships will bring the entire Alliance on our heads, we won't make it back to our home world let alone anywhere else. We might be able to scare away a few Batarian slavers but the Alliance?" Qwib-Qwib snapped at him before turning to Xen, "And you just had to underestimate her."

"Bad things happen to those who want to make an enemy out of me," Jade piped up causing Qwib-Qwib to turn on her.

"You do realize this is an act of war Shepard."

"No it's not, at least not really, the Fifth Fleet is simply sitting around that Mass Relay, and the Orizaba is simply wandering around right now. This isn't Quarian space since you're nomads so we're not entering into your territory." Jade responded with ease. "And since this isn't anyone's space the Alliance has a right to be here, but go ahead and attack that ship, see what happens to the Neemah and half of your fleet. I want you to keep in mind that we are a Council Race now, and since no one particularly likes Quarians so I think we're in the clear. So go ahead, I'll just return to the Normandy and go a safe distance and watch as you get yourselves killed. Remember if you fire the first shot, you have begun a war with the Alliance and you will lose badly."

Qwib-Qwib smiled under his mask, "I think it is time we took another vote."

"—Agreed," Han Garrel muttered to himself as he activated his omni-tool.

Xen stared at Shepard for a moment longer and Jade stared back crossing her arms, "Agreed."

Raan looked at the results on her Omni-tool and turned to Shepard, "We will not be going to war with the Geth, and will indeed be looking at alternative options to deal with them. If the Geth are willing to have peace then we will begin talks at once."

Jade nodded, "Thank you, I'll call off the Fifth Fleet." With that she motioned for Tali and Garrus to flank her.

Garrus simply stared at her, waiting until they were on the deck of the Normandy. "Bluff?"

"Hell yes," Jade responded, "Well...borderline had the Quarian Fleet attacked they would have been wiped out." Jade added as she grabbed her old N7 armour from Jacob who had it ready for her. " EDI inform Zaeed, Jack and Chakwas to meet me in the Zodiac, we need to get to the Orizaba."

"I'm coming with you," Garrus informed her.

"No you're not. You're watching the Normandy while I'm gone," Jade replied stripping out of her armour and placing on her new N7 armour. She turned to him, "You're the only one I trust to watch the ship while I'm gone and the crew respects you. Besides I need you to actually fix this whole Geth Quarian thing in my name, I trust you to do the right thing." She patted Garrus's shoulder and began to arm herself. She turned to Tali, "You need to be the one to lead your people to peace I will be back as soon as I can. "

Jacob watched her holstering her sidearm, "Be careful Commander,"

Jade turned to him, "You're executive officer take care of the crew and please inform Joker that since I am gone that does not mean that he can put the Normandy through her paces because if there is even one dent on her when I get back he's going through the airlock," she said loud enough for Joker to hear as she walked to the Elevator and headed to the Kodiak, she gave her crew and her squad a quick salute before the doors to the elevator hissed close.

* * *

"The Captain of the Orizaba is a dangerous woman who demands respect and for those under her to follow her word without question. So for the love all that is holy in the galaxy Jack...just please be on your best behaviour. I might put up with your attitude but she sure as hell won't," Jade turned to Zaeed, "Same goes for you, best behaviour stay close and do not bother her crew. Chakwas you know what it's like aboard an Alliance vessel."

Jack stared at Shepard who seemed to be fidgeting, "You're scared of her?"

Jade eyes flashed, "Fuck no," she replied defensively folding her arms as the Kodiak landed in the hangar of the Orizaba. She frowned slightly, she avoided her parents at all times for a multitude of reasons, she only talked to her mother when it was absolutely necessary that she needed the older woman's advice. That was not to say that Shepard did not love her parents, because she did there were simply numerous reasons why she avoided them. One of which was that she was notorious for causing her parents grief and causing them to worry, she stayed away if only to give them peace of mind. "I've just had dealings with her in the past."

Chakwas glanced at Shepard and shook her head, considering how much Shepard looked like her mother the truth would come out soon enough. She was the first person of the Kodiak quickly followed by Jack and Zaeed. She turned around to look at her Commanding officer who was skulking behind not really wanting to come out of the Kodiak. "You know if you don't come out Commander she'll come in and get you herself," a smile crossed her face as Jade shuddered and immediately disembarked.

Jade glanced around the hangar looking for her mother, sighing in relief when she didn't see her. "I like to see the faces of those people who come aboard my ship, helmet off."

Jade let out a groan, she had long ago learned to pick her battles when it came to her mother as her hands slowly went to her neck as she slowly removed her helmet handing her helmet to Zaeed for a second she turned around and gave a proper salute to her mother. "Commander Shepard off the SR-2 Normandy," She said sullenly studying her mother.

"Ah yes the great Commander Shepard hero of the Citadel, the butcher of Torfan, what would everyone think if it was your mother who came to bail you out?" Hannah Shepard commented a mocking smile on her face as she looked at her daughter.

"Shit Shepard you never told us that she was your mother," Jack commented in a slight mocking tone.

Jade glared at her seething, "Shut up," she muttered before turning back to her mother, "You didn't bail me out I was handling everything just fine without you. I have never needed your help to—"

"To get your ass in trouble, I know," Hannah replied cutting her daughter off. "So this is your squad? They don't look like much."

"And yet they could kick the ass of everyone on your crew without breaking a sweat," Jade shot back her hands clenched, she loathed being interrupted.

"We should put that to the test when this mission is over," Hannah smirked at her daughter it had always been so easy to push her buttons. There would be plenty of time to push her daughters button they were after all going to be travelling several light years together. It would have been the longest she had been around her daughter in years. "I heard that you were working with Cerberus from the higher ups, what exactly are you doing attacking one of their bases? Did you end up pissing them off as well?"

Jade looked at her mother and sighed, "It's a long story."

"So start at the beginning," Hannah replied.

Jade looked around, "Where's dad? Thought he would be pleased to see me, certainly wouldn't give me this shit that you've been given me. You didn't finally kill him did you?" Jade asked suspiciously

"Your father is in engineering, I told him we had an important pick up but he doesn't know you're on board. Hackett said your presence was onboard was top-level clearance. And you know how your father is. He wouldn't have left me alone, and I probably would have killed him. Besides it's his birthday thought it would be a nice surprise."

Jade glared at her mother. "That's because you were to fucking cheap to buy him a present."

"No I gave him his present already; I just knew you would have forgotten, like you do every year. I mean really dear would it kill you to call every now and again maybe come and visit. These past two years have been hell for us thinking that you were dead."

Jade frowned and sighed running a hand through her hair, "I was," she replied. "It's a long story I'll only tell it once so you might as well call dad up here so I can tell you everything and you can take it back to Admiral brass. "

"They want me to bring you in after this mission, they want to question you."

"They can go fuck themselves. Now where's engineering? I've got to go get my ribs broken again by him before I tell you exactly the amazing story of how the fucking void can't hold me."

Hannah glanced at Jack and Zaeed, "Which one of you do I have to thank for my daughters current use of expletives."

"What the fuck is an expletive?" Jack asked causing Shepard to roll her eyes.

Hanna Shepard smiled and shook her head, as she headed to the elevator on board. "So when do I get to see your ship?"

"Never because you'll be jealous that my room is so much bigger and better than yours and I get a whole level just for me," Jade replied crossing her arms

"Sounds like you're a spoiled brat."

"Screw you."

"You do realize you're never too old for me to kick your ass in front of your crew."

"I'd like to see you try, considering that you're getting up there in age after all."

Hannah glared at her daughter who turned to smirk at her, and she was suddenly taken aback by the ragged scars on her daughters face which seemed glow and she reached up to touch them causing her daughter to flinch. "What in the world did you get yourself involved in?"

Jade sighed, "I'll tell you everything, I promise. I owe you at least that."

* * *

He had underestimated her again and now she was coming for him. He should have realized that she would have called on Hackett's help. He didn't even want to haphazard a guess at what Shepard's current mood was. He still had his bargaining chip, after all Miranda was what Shepard was after. No he would have to get his revenge on Shepard some other way. If he harmed Miranda then Shepard would kill him, she would make him feel death before finally ending his life. He was still needed to protect mankind from the threat of the aliens, to make humanity strong again. They had enough of Shepard's genetic material to simply grow another version of her or if they recovered Shepard's body they could simply bring her back again. He wouldn't make the same mistake again he would make sure that Shepard was firmly under his control. It would cost another fortune but Shepard was the only one he knew could bring back the Reapers.

If only it was only as simple as returning Miranda, had Shepard not seen what he had done that option would be viable. He cursed Kai, if only he had simply done his job instead of giving Shepard enough time to recover. Leng wouldn't make the same mistake a third time; he was far too skilled for that.

"Take her alive. Kill every last person with her when she arrives. Shepard must be preserved at all cost. I repeat kill everyone but Shepard. And bring Miranda to me, she would make an excellent shield and at the very least an excellent bartering tool if you fail."

* * *

"You're not really going after the Illusive Man are you? So what's so important that you couldn't simply go and do this yourself?"

Jade was quiet tapping her fingers on her table, "Cerberus has created a newer version of the cerebral implants that were seen on Mindoir, they implanted one in my XO's head and then they...used her, they have so many vids. It's my fault that they got their hands on her, had I simply just been honest or even paid the slightest bit of attention to her needs."

Hannah Shepard was quiet for a moment and frowned slightly she had seen that look in Shepard's eye, "They captured Liara?"

Jade looked up at her mother, "No they didn't capture Liara. I'm not even with Liara anymore, two years is a long time and I was dead, and it's...complicated. Me coming back to life has been complicated, for a lot of people. Friends have betrayed me, I had to earn back others loyalty prove to them that I wasn't some sort of Cerberus creation. Sometimes they still look at me when I'm having a particularly bad day and my cybernetics are flaring up and I can see distrust in their eyes or maybe hesitation. Miranda however is different from everybody else I've ever dated."

"Human?" Hannah had to ask causing Shepard to roll her eyes, "Well considering your...attraction to Asari, your father has just gotten used to the idea that he was going to have blue grandkids."

"Miranda is human," Jade confirmed.

Her mother nodded, "I shall let your father know that we should be expecting human children." Jade shrugged not really wanting to burst her mother's bubble and her mother looked at her daughter. "Do you love her?"

Jade bristled, "Of course I do, I wouldn't be doing this otherwise."

"You would have, if it were Garrus or even Joker, so you can't assume that she knows how you feel, especially when you don't say it."

"Whatever," Jade said dismissively. "Who are your best marines? Might take them topside with me, use them as a diversion." She would get Miranda back even if she had to destroy Cerberus in the process.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: So because people have been wanting it, it's the reunion of Shepard and Miranda. Yeeeey! You're still probably going to hate me but again. Oh well. **

* * *

In each age men of genius undertake the ascent. From below, the world follows them with their eyes. These men go up the mountain, enter the clouds, disappear, reappear; People watch them, mark them. They walk by the side of precipices. They daringly pursue their road. See them aloft, see them in the distance; they are but black specks. On they go. The road is uneven, its difficulties constant. At each step a wall, at each step a trap. As they rise the cold increases. They must make their ladder, cut the ice and walk on it., hewing the steps in haste. A **storm** is **raging**. Nevertheless they go forward in their madness. The air becomes difficult to breath. The abyss yawns below them. Some fall. Others stop and retrace their steps; there is a sad weariness. The bold ones continue. They are eyed by the eagles; the lightning plays about them: the hurricane is furious. No matter, they persevere

~Victor Hugo

* * *

She watched him gasping for air, blood spurting from the hole in his neck as he struggled to breathe. His hands scratching at his neck as he weakly tried to stop the bleeding, his lips turning blue as they flapped helplessly; almost as if he were begging for her to save him. She turned to Zaeed nodding slightly as she reached over to pick up his body to throw him into the pile of bodies that she had created at the entrance of the Cerberus facility. She had already cut the power and transmission to the entire facility. She hadn't wanted to give the Illusive Man any ideas on how she was going to proceed or who has currently with her.

"Shepard he's still alive. We could save him see what he knows, what to expect," Zaeed pointed out. "If there are any traps ahead."

She looked at up at him, he was right of course. But she knew his face; he had been one of those in the vids with Miranda he deserved to die. "You're right," she looked at him, her omni-tool lighting up as she used one of her medi-gels on him. "Start talking and maybe I'll let you escape. What should I know?"

The man gasped air into his lungs looking at her frightened, "We got the orders to take you alive, everyone else was expendable."

"Where's Leng?" Her voice was cold.

"He's protecting the Illusive Man; he's at the centre of the base. Operative Lawson is there with them. In case we fail, the Illusive Man will offer her as a trade."

Jade frowned she wasn't an object to be bought or traded, she looked over at Zaeed who nodded at her and she immediately backed away from the man, "Go before I change my mind." She watched the man get up and start to limp away before pulling her pistol out and shooting the man in the lower back watching as he fell forward into the pile of bodies. She took another careful shot and shot him in the neck again before he could start complaining. "Let's go," she ordered holstering her side arm.

"Damn Shepard, was that necessary?" Jack asked looking at the man.

"I said to go before I changed my mind, he didn't move fast enough and I changed my mind. Besides now I don't have to drag his body into the pile. Now let's go. Keep your eyes peeled you heard what he said, you're expendable."

Jack snorted, "Cerberus spent a fucking shit load of money on me I am not fucking expendable, how much did they spend on you?"

"Four," Jade replied as she pulled out her Collector assault rifle walking through the door keeping her head down. Leng was a sharpshooter if she didn't pay attention it would all be over for her.

"Four million, shit Shepard that's..."

"Billion," she corrected, still keeping her head down. "Did you miss the part where he said you were expendable? Now keep your fucking head down," Jade snapped at her. "I need you to be able to detain Miranda if necessary, it's the only reason I brought you along."

Jack quickly recovered from hearing how much the Illusive Man spent on Shepard, considering what she had done for him it was money well spent, "You mean the only reason you brought me instead of Garrus was because you wanted me to detain the cheerleader?"

Jade stopped motioning for them to quiet as she strained her ears, she could hear voices in the other room. She quickly motioned for Zaeed and Jack to take cover at the sides of the door, as she took point behind a well placed desk. She gave a quick nod to Zaeed who quickly placed his hand on the green panel opening the door. She immediately put her head down as there was a hail of rounds flying over head, some ripped through the desk hitting against her shields. The beeping sound alerted her that her shields were almost down and she swore. "Massani!" She ordered diving down to the ground.

Zaeed responded quickly throwing a grenade into the room in the split second the shooting died down and they began to change their clips. The Inferno grenade exploded sending many in the room flying, with a quick movement she was out of her cover firing in short precise bursts as she killed all the gurads in her direct line of vision who had survived both Jack and Zaeed taking out everyone else. Jade turned to Jack as they entered the room. "I can't touch her. At least not in the way that would potentially hurt her," Jade informed her indignantly. "She can't feel pain and if Mordin's plan doesn't exactly work then we're going to need a lot to bring her down and subdue her." She didn't need to turn around to see the satisfied face on Jack's face. "This is a rescue mission Jack, you can attempt to kill her when she she's back to her old self."

"Pussy."

Jade paused stopping and looking at Jack, "Unless there is no choice I would rather not engage Miranda for several reasons, my biotics are quite raw, I still don't have quite the precision you have or Samara had, I could accidentally kill her. Second my relationship with her is fucked up enough without her adding that I put her through a wall in a list of reasons why she hates my guts. Everyone else would shy away from hurting Miranda you won't you hate her enough to do what needs to be done. Just don't kill her Jack, at least don't do it when it's like this let it be a fair fight." Jade reiterated, not completely trusting Jack.

"I fucking heard you," Jack snapped at her.

Jade nodded as they entered the room, she frowned slightly this had been the room where that vid was shot. She clenched her fist tightly as she quickly checked her map, "There is a lab across the hall might be some medi-gels. And the scientists who fucked with Miranda's brain might be in there, leave a couple of them alive. I want to question them. Afterwards they die."

"Really Shepard? There is no one more dangerous than a Cerberus scientist, you should just kill them. They can't be trusted." Jack argued, only to have Shepard ignore her.

* * *

"He's not going to talk," Zaeed said, "Probably because he knows you're going to kill him anyway. You've certainly gotten yourself a reputation."

Jack snorted, "I thought it was because she killed everyone else."

Jade studied the man before looking at him noticing the simple wedding band on his finger, and lazily pointed her pistol at him a lazy smile on her face as her eyes glowed an angry orange-red. "Well he has a choice, I can kill him now and it will be quick and painless. Or I could simply knock him out and make him watch his wife getting passed around by the Blood pack. Kind of like how Miranda and whoever the else you implanted the fucking chip in was passed on by these savages. And finally when the Blood Pack, are finished I will cut her fucking throat while you watch. And as she bleeds out slowly, gasping and begging me for mercy and telling me how she doesn't want to die I will tell her exactly what you have done, why she's being punished because the man she married, who she shared a bed with was nothing more than a disgusting perverted old man, implanted a cerebral implant in another woman's body to let her be used for his sick juvenile fantasies."

Both Zaeed and Jack turned to stared at Shepard, completely taken aback by the scene she had just described in detail, "Shit Shepard and I thought I was fucked up."

Jade ignored her, "You have kids..." she looked at the nametag "Henry?" she asked seriously when the man still didn't say award. Henry paled when Jade mentioned kids, and shook his head. Jade studied him, "Yes you do, and you're a terrible liar Henry and next time you lie to me I'll think I'll give you up your—pride to the Blood Pack while your wife watches. I hear that Krogan stamina is simply astounding they can go for days at a time. The whole having a quad thing works in their favour." Jade let that settle in for a second and she could see his brain working she was close to breaking him. "Now about those children, I'm debating what I want to do to them...I was thinking..."

"They're just kids," he finally broke his voice cracking in fear for his children.

"How old?" Jade asked.

"Ten and four," Henry answered truthfully staring at Shepard fearfully. He had heard the Illusive Man talking about how dangerous she was, but he had never mentioned she was this unstable.

"Just starting their lives out, wonder how traumatic it would be to watch all this being done to their mother and then maybe I'll tell them what a fuck up their father was. How he could have avoided all of this if he had simply told me what I wanted to know. I'm not an unreasonable person. If you prove useful I might even let you live depending on my mood, but right now you're wasting my valuable time..."

"I can remove the chip, I know how to disable it and I know how to remove it without killing her, there is a failsafe. The EMP should disable it, but when you'd need me there too assist in removing it."

"And you wanted to simply kill them all," Jade mocked Jack. "And I'm supposed to simply trust you? I mean you even denied your own children," her voice was mocking as before as she put away her sidearm. "No you're not a stupid man you realize that if you fuck me over I will literally have you fucked by Krogran. I can make your life hell in this life, giving you a taste for what is in store for you when you burn in hell." She stood up from where she had been sitting. "Put several rounds in both his legs to keep him from running and then take all the medi-gels. We'll pick him up when we leave. He'll assist Chakwas in removing the cerebral implant, by gunpoint by necessary."

Zaeed pulled out his own pistol and accurately shot Henry in the kneecaps before turning to Shepard, "You've done this before?" It was more of a statement than a question.

Jade watched Henry writhing around on the ground, "Of course I have."

Jack looked at them, "Remind me never to get on your bad side."

Jade studied them for a brief moment, before she willed her body to relax, "We're wasting time, this is a rescue mission after all. Move out." She commanded, she turned slightly to look at Henry, stopping as she walked by him, "Don't even think of attempting to crawl away. I will find you, and trust me when I say I can think of worse, I can do so much more worse. There are worse things than death." With that she walked away.

She would know after all. She looked over at Henry that had been tame compared to what she would have said what she would have done. It had been remarkably easy to break him yet that was not what bothered her. She had always been good at finding what caused people to tick, what could be said to cause them to give up information to do what she wanted them to do. She had enjoyed it deep down inside, and what was worse she felt like actually carrying through with what she had said. She wanted to punish them, she wanted to make them suffer. The only thing that kept her from simply losing it was that she needed to get to Miranda. She would kill Leng and she had the most fitting punishment for the Illusive Man. She forced herself to relax, a clear head was what she needed, and any hesitation any weakness would be the opening that Leng needed to win.

"You coming?" Zaeed asked her breaking her out of her thoughts.

"Of course I am," she replied shooting once last glance at Henry. A small smile gracing her features, yes the Illusive Man would pay dearly for attempting to fuck her over.

* * *

"She's systematically taking out each room, leaving no survivor's," Leng informed the Illusive Man. There was a smile on his face as well, "She's not perfect she's going to mistake. She's angry, a dangerous Shepard is one with a clear head. He pointed to the lab, "See here she's left somebody alive vital signs are weak, he probably faked his own death and she couldn't be bothered to kill him. In her current mood Shepard isn't one for mercy, she's attempting to leave a pile of bodies."

The Illusive Man looked at Leng, "It's true that the most dangerous Shepard is the one that has a clear mind but who is to say that she didn't leave that man alive on purpose. Her mission would probably be to rescue Miranda, everyone else is merely collateral. Keeping one of our scientists alive would be wise move on her part."

"She killed 12 out the 13 scientists, she interrogated him, he no longer poses a use to her and she wouldn't let him escape to call for reinforcements. It was a careless mistake. Shepard doesn't leave survivors for missions like this."

The Illusive Man turned his eyes back to the screen; Leng had history with Shepard he had clearly predicted that Shepard wouldn't leave any one alive in any of the other rooms. He was probably correct, and Shepard was currently nearly at his location. "Remember to take her alive. Use Operative Lawson if you must to subdue her. Shepard was unable to attack properly last time Miranda was involved."

_

* * *

She's here_. It was a surprise, or was it. She had doubted that Shepard would come for her. She doubted Shepard even cared about her and here she was storming the Illusive Man's base to get her back. It was true that Shepard would have done this for anything for any member of her crew but at the expense of the Reaper mission. She had heard what Shepard had done when it came to the Quarians, it was stupid, it was reckless and it could have blown up in Shepard's face had she not pulled it off. It had also made her indebted to the Alliance again. And she had done all of that to save her.

She listened to the Illusive Man and Leng talking, it was a shame that one had thought to ask her opinion. While Leng had worked with Shepard what seemed to be years ago, she had worked with her recently. Shepard wasn't the same person she was when she fought Saren. She wasn't the same person who had ordered her men to their deaths. She took risks, but they were calculated. Never taking the easiest course. Shepard had left that scientist alive for a reason, to throw Leng off, to maybe help free her. And she was close.

_And I'm still trapped. _Shepard would have to rescue her, like she had Liara, like she had nearly everyone aboard the ship. All she had managed to do was interrupt her bodies use of biotics. Maybe if she had more time she would have been able to free herself by causing a feedback loop in her implant which would have probably caused the cerebral implant to short circuit. The plan wasn't without risks, the feedback from her implants could kill her. Or leave her vegetable for the rest of her life, but either way it was better than being the Illusive's man's personal sex slave.

* * *

Leng's smile got bigger, "Of course, all I need is a moment of hesitation on Shepard's part and we've got her, I promise you there won't be any escape this time." He looked at the screen again and immediately stepped in front of the Illusive Man, Shepard was here.

The metal doors hissed open and Shepard entered the room her assault rifle pointed directly at Leng, Jack and by her side. "I should have predicted that you would take subject Zero," The Illusive Man said through gritted teeth.

Jade didn't take her eyes of Leng he was the real threat, "Her name is Jack and I think she wants to kill you as much as I do," she replied with ease keeping the tension out of her voice. "You're outgunned and outnumbered."

"You forget that if I die, Miranda dies Shepard. I know you Shepard you're not going to attack not while Miranda could be killed, and no matter how much you want to kill me you wouldn't sacrifice Miranda's life simply to kill me."

Shepard frowned, "You don't know shit about me."

"And yet you here you are, the blood of hundreds of men drenching your armour. How many people begged you for mercy and yet you shot them anyway, you haven't changed from Torfan."

"You're right I still enjoy putting high velocity rounds in the heads of my enemies. And you're right I can't kill you without harming Miranda. So I'm telling you now thermal clips on the ground and you can walk out of here alive to harass me again. I take Miranda you and the Illusive Man walk out."

Leng smirked, "Where's your third man Shepard?" he asked. "Fool me once and all that. Miranda weapons out."

Jade shrugged "He's around. Now don't make me repeat myself put your thermal clips down."

Jack glanced over at Miranda, seeing that vacant look in her eyes as she pulled out her own gun and pointed it at her. "Can I take her out Shepard."

Jade eyes flicked over to Miranda, looking at her almost expectantly and smiled at Leng, "I've already won and I will walk out of here with her. I might have to put a few rounds in your knees. But Miranda is coming with me."

"Now Shepard let's be reasonable. If Miranda is what you want..."The Illusive Man began trying to diffuse the situation.

"I would keep quiet if I were you," Jade said cutting him off. Where was Zaeed? If she had only brought along a tech expert she probably wouldn't be having this problem. "You have no real idea what it is that I want." She glanced at Miranda noticing the small tensing of muscles and a recognizable spark in her eye as Zaeed suddenly appearing by her side. Miranda was back. At least for the time being, she wouldn't, couldn't trust her until that implant was gone.

"Sorry it took me so long I had to take a shit on one of the guards," he announced.

"You're here now, and that's all that matters," Jade replied. "Now Leng, I heard Anderson put several rounds in your kneecaps which you had to get fixed. Never been kneecapped but I heard it hurts, and unless you want me to do it again I suggest that you put your clips, power cells as well down."

"You're not going to hurt me Shepard."

"No but I am," Miranda's Australian accent cut through the air forcing Leng to take his eyes of Shepard and stare at Miranda as her body glowed blue and she picked him up with her biotics slamming into the far side wall.

Jade smirked "Lawson," she greeted.

"Shepard," Miranda replied with a nod.

The two women looked at each other, "We need to talk," they both said in unison.


	14. Chapter 14

Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him.

~Louis L'Amour

* * *

The Illusive Man was watching the scene play out in front of him, and despite the fact that he was currently in danger he simply tapped his cigarette on the ash tray. She really was a fascinating character; it would have been a mistake to attempt to control her. And yet he still wanted to, he had no doubt that she would be the one to defeat the Reapers. And if she survived...well he would simply have to wait for that time. But one thing was clear; Shepard was too great of a threat to Cerberus. She had made it quite clear that she would and could destroy Cerberus on a whim if she chose. But he would be ready for her next time.

He caught Shepard's eyes and held her gaze, his steely blue eyes on hers. There was a short tense moment before Jade's gaze shifted. A small victorious smile crossed his features; he would live to fight another day.

Jade looked at Miranda, "We still have business to take care of," she said nodding in the Illusive Man's direction. She glanced back at Zaeed and Jack, "Go secure Henry, I want him alive. Make sure he's capable to assist Chakwas." She noted Jack was about to protest. "It will only be a few minutes," she said with a dismissive wave.

Zaeed looked at her, "Remember she can't be trusted until that implant is out of her head. And he still has the power to activate it."

"He won't," Jade replied in a tone indicating that this discussion was over. She waited until the door hissed close.

"Shepard, are you sure?" Miranda asked.

He tapped his cigarette against the ashtray again, "I do realize when I am beaten Miranda. Besides she has no intention of killing me, I have no reason to provoke her into attacking me."

Miranda turned to Jade half expecting her to refute what he had said, but she said nothing. She was quiet for a minute as a multitude of emotions ran through her, anger, betrayal, hurt. "Do you know what he did to me?" she asked finally.

Jade met her eyes, "Yes. I saw the vids," she replied her voice tense.

"Then why?"

"I still have a use. Funny how that works isn't it Shepard."

"I only need you alive," Jade reminded him coldly as she turned to face him taking her eyes of Miranda who quickly grabbed Shepard's holstered pistol.

"He deserves to die Shepard. You have no idea what it was like."

Jade shifted, the tone of her voice becoming soothing as she spoke calmly to Miranda stepping in between Miranda and the Illusive Man. "I know what it's like feel helpless, to have things completely out of your control, to scream for someone, anyone to save you. To watch yourself do things you would never imagine doing. To feel like you lost your dignity..."

"Don't you dare do that to me. Don't patronize me to get your way Shepard. You don't know anything," Miranda snapped at her. "You have no idea what it's like to have your body used over and over, to hear your voice begging to be punished while you pound away in your mind. Feeling everything, every touch every sensation. They all blend together, and you can't tell one from another. To see his face, with that irritating smirk, everywhere. To never say no, and scream while the person who you think you loves does exactly the same thing."

Jade looked at her, they had never completed the act back on the Citadel, but it had been close. She had been dangerously close to being one of those guards who she had killed in a rage. "I didn't know," she said, even in her own ears it sounded like an excuse, a weak apology.

"He deserves to die. And he's too dangerous to keep alive"

"He does," Jade agreed taking a step forward and placing her hand on Miranda's wrist gently prying the gun away from her. "But killing him won't change the past. It might feel good for a moment, but moments are fleeting. That moment in which you felt satisfaction, relief, maybe even happy, it will fade quicker than you expected. Leaving you hollow, and the simple act changes you. It makes you more like them, or well less like who you were and in that they win, whether they are dead or not. You'll still wake up screaming in a cold sweat."

Miranda wanted to resist, she wanted to grab Shepard's pistol and simply empty the clip into the Illusive Man's face. It wasn't fair even after all this Shepard was still putting her on the back burner, "You're just going to let him go? He deserves to be punished."

Jade nodded, "And he will be, trust me. He is not coming out of here completely unscathed by this. I promise he won't be."

"I want to watch."

Jade looked at her studying her, "No you really don't."

"Whatever you do he will deserve it and more. I've already seen what you have done, I saw you murder those children."

Jade was about to protest when she heard a soft groan and her eyes flicked over to Leng's prone body. She didn't hesitate to pull out her shot gun as she walked to him quickly disarming him tossing each gun to Miranda before relieving him of his omni-tool. "How anti-climatic," She began. "You've lost again. And here I thought third time was a charm," her tone was cold and mocking as she roughly patted his cheek. "Now sit there and watch as I show you exactly why I will stop the Reapers, and remember the same fate awaits you if I ever see your face again." She pulled away pulling out her side arm and taking four precise shots, kneecapping the former N7 marine. She took an additional two shots shooting him in the foot. He merely gritted taking the shots without a word as Sheppard finally turned her back on him.

"I'm going to be the one to kill you Shepard."

"Everyone who has said that to me has a considerably shorter lifespan that the average person," Jade replied without looking over her at shoulder as she turned to Miranda as she pulled out her hidden combat knife, "Wait outside."

Miranda frowned, "I am no longer under your Command Shepard, you can't order me to leave."

Jade looked at her, "Those children that I killed it was a necessary evil."

"You killed children Shepard, execution style. And then you killed the parents, you can't stand there and attempt to justify your actions."

"And yet no one got up to stop me, as I moved from child to child. The children didn't cry, the parents or I assumed what was the parents made no movements there was no pain on their faces. The Batarian I was after was a tricky bastard, and had he lived, had I not done that then the only way to save you would be to kill you. Had I allowed those children to live had I allowed anyone from that colony to live well the Batarian slavers would have had been considerably more successful. The lives of a few over the lives of possibly hundreds, thousands even. I made a decision, I stand by my decision, those children were dead anyway. Now please it'll only take a few minutes. Trust me."

Miranda stared at Jade who didn't back down, before finally turning on her heels and leaving the room.

Jade waited until the door hissed closed as she unsheathed her combat knife rotating letting it catch the light, "For someone who's name is the Illusive Man, you were considerably easy to find. It's weird though I never pegged you as a stupid man, someone who has managed to fool the Alliance, to remain hidden from them. You are the man who could order someone to kill an admiral and suffer no real consequences. And yet you were stupid enough to attempt to control me."

The Illusive Man watched her, ignoring the combat knife in her hands, "In my defence you were supposed to have the same cerebral implant in your head,"

"Then you should have used Miranda to her full capabilities, you shouldn't have trusted Leng to come after me. Miranda probably would have gotten the job done," Jade replied. "She was your best operative, and you turn her into a puppet to satisfy your adolescent fantasies?"

The Illusive Man smirked, "You and I are similar. Shepard I merely ensured Miranda's loyalty, much like you have done. "

Jade looked at him as she unstrapped the sheath that her combat knife had been, "We are similar," she agreed. "We are both ruthless, we both cross lines that shouldn't be crossed without thinking about it. But where we differ is that I'm still human, I still have a sliver of humanity left in me, and you have none."

"Do you really believe that Shepard?"

"There are some lines that I won't cross, no matter what. What you did, that was one of them."

"Restrictions Shepard? When the time comes for you fight the Reapers, restrictions will only hamper your efforts."

"Then I will do what I have to do, but I doubt that making someone constantly raping someone would help me stop the Reapers," Jade flipped the sheath upside down. "Killing you would help me however; I wouldn't have to worry about you being stupid again. I wouldn't have to worry about you sending someone after me," she said as a small chip fell into her palm.

The Illusive Man hadn't noticed the chip, "You speak as if you changed your mind and plan to kill me."

"An Asari Justicar once told me that if you change who someone is, how they think, you have killed them. They will be something new in the same body," Jade said showing him the chip. "I had this made just for you, one of a kind made by the brilliant Mordin Solus. Don't worry though I have no use to use your body because quite frankly I find that repulsive, and I wouldn't wish looking at your naked body on anyone."

"Do you honestly think that no one will notice? You were quick to spot that something was wrong. And you're leaving a witness."

Jade turned to Leng and nodded slowly before going up to him, her boot slamming into his face knocking him out before turning back to the Illusive Man, "This won't change who you are it won't make you my puppet, I don't need one. What I do need is someone that I can track. Someone that I know I can trust. The process won't be sudden, I doubt it will hurt as forcefully taking control of someone's motor nerves will be."

The Illusive Man smirked, "I'm impressed Shepard Reaper technology to punish your enemies. Humanity will be safe in your hands."

"No, this isn't Reaper technology. Though the concept is similar it's based off newer versions of Batarian Slaver technology and Cerberus technology. I don't need a puppet, and I don't need an indoctrinated slave but clearly you need to be watched. This chip will tell me where you are at any given point, and I can activate it anywhere stripping you of your free will. But until then think of it as a constant reminder why it will be a terrible idea to cross me again. And even now you don't exactly have free will, every negative thought...well I should let you figure it out yourself. And before I forget, I made it so the only person who can save you from what will soon be a very uncomfortable prison to be Miranda" Jade said. "The good news for you is that activating the chip will not be painful. However I still need to open you up and I promise you that I will hear you scream in pain before this over. I don't care what I have to cut, you will feel an inch of the pain by the time this is done," she said as she grabbed him roughly. She would wipe that arrogant look off his face.

And despite the Illusive Man's bravado, his arrogance and his ego, Shepard knew exactly where and how to hurt him to cause him as much pain as possible in a very few short moments, and he like the few others who had been in his position felt the depth of Shepard's anger. He tasted the darkness that had always been their under the surface tightly reigned in. And as he stared face to face with the person who could destroy him, if she ever chose to do so, he felt an emotion that he had once thought was lost to him; fear. And she did exactly what she promised she would do.

She made him scream.

And outside in the long metal hallways, Miranda stood listening to the sound of the man who she had once respected and even revered break under the pressure Shepard was clearly putting on him. And even though she had wanted this, she had wanted to see the Illusive Man punished, at this moment in time she simply wanted Shepard to stop.

* * *

"The operation was a success," Hannah Shepard turned to look at Chakwas as she walked up to her, turning from where she had been watching her daughter sit with Miranda quietly.

"How was she?" Hannah asked turning back to her daughter.

Chakwas glanced at Shepard's mother, "Which one? Your daughter is fine physically. Miranda well she has a few scars that we can heal in our medical bay."

Hannah looked at her, "What about Jade's scars?"

"The cybernetics under her skin overheat when she gets stressed and with her current workload, and her rushing to save the galaxy they have been working overtime. We've tried to fix it but for some reason it refused to heal."

Hannah looked back at her daughter, "Mentally?"

Chakwas looked at her, "There are probably more scars mentally than your daughter would care to admit. For awhile she was rather unstable. I believe judging by the state of her cybernetic deterioration on her face, that there will be a few more rough patches down the road. As for Miranda, she's stronger than Shepard gives her credit for. But she will need help." Chakwas looked at the Orizaba's captain seeing the worry etched on her face.

"She died, and I mourned for her. And here she is, acting like nothing happened like she simply fell asleep and woke up two years later, looking like that. And she's still as thick-headed as ever and still not returning my messages. I had to find out my daughter was alive from the brass; she couldn't even tell her own parents that she was alive. And then when we finally do meet, everything has changed. She's no longer with Liara, she has more battle scars. She jerked away when I went to touch her."

"I have a feeling that Shepard didn't want you to see her like that, you know how she is."

The Captain of the Orizaba watched as Miranda slowly reached out and touched Jade's hand, the peace that was there was evident to her, the tension simply eased out of her daughter's body. "No I don't. She doesn't write; the only time she calls is when she needs something. I have to read or listen to news vids about what she's done."

"She's trying to save the galaxy, she's always working. She never stops, rarely rests, she's always on the move. The only person who she stopped for or even gave more than five minutes of her attention to was Miranda. It's clear to everyone on board the Normandy that your daughter is in love with her."

* * *

The silence was deafening between the two women, even though their hands were intertwined, neither of them said anything. Neither Woman knew exactly should be said at this moment.

"Everyone looks?" Miranda finally asked.

A small smile crossed Jade's features, "Everyone looks," she repeated. "I've seen you looking a few times."

Miranda bristled, "Because she walks around without a shirt."

"I noticed. Do you remember how difficult it was for her to wear that armour we got for her?" Jade replied.

"Of course you noticed, this is what brought on this line of conversation."

Jade nodded a small smile playing on her lips but she said nothing more about if she had or hadn't been looking at Jack. "I was wrong earlier. I do need you by my side because I can't do this without you. Come back to the Normandy." She paused, "Please?"

"No."


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Last Chapter, which is good because I can't keep plugging these chapters out schools starting to pick up and all that which means Psychobabble (which is a tentative title at this moment again everything is subject to my whims) the next chapter in this saga will be coming out when I feel like it, as much fun as writing Jade/Miranda is I wanted to take a step back get a few ideas and then continue their journey. I will try my hand at a humour fic to simply see if I'm any good at it, where I will expand on Shepard's relationship with her parents and her interaction with them. And before I have people at my throat for torturing my characters and putting them through more trials...well...no that would be a spoiler. You'll just have to wait for Psychobabble to see what I do. Oh and if you want to read something else by me while you wait for Psychobabble then check out my newest brain-child. Tenth Street Red, which will make this fic look like Rainbows and Unicorns.**

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The question is, is the **relationship** strong enough to **heal** itself. You've got a year. It's a long time, as you know.

~Richard Ross

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"Wait, did you say no?" There were quite a few things Shepard had expected to hear, no wasn't one of the possible answers. A look of confusion washed over her features.

Miranda nodded, "When I make mistakes the consequences are severe, people die or they get hurt and I struggle to rectify them. When you make mistakes Shepard it's not just a few people who get hurt. And right now your actions, every decision you make affects the galaxy, not just the people on the Normandy. If you make a mistake your actions won't just effect the lives of a few people it will effect trillions. You nearly got caught in the Illusive Man's web. The only reason you escaped was because of your paranoia and a serious dose of luck."

Jade looked at the wall, "Are you saying that we were a mistake?"

"This isn't the time for us Shepard. When the time comes you will be frontline against the Reapers fighting for the entire galaxy. Until the Reapers arrive, you will need to be completely focused on the task at hand the fate of the galaxy depends on you."

Jade rolled her eyes, "Fuck the Galaxy. Not like it's done me any favours lately," she muttered.

Miranda ignored Jade's little outburst and continued on. "Shepard, if there were no other way, if Admiral Hackett had refused to let you borrow the fleet, would you have left me with the Illusive Man knowing full well what he was doing with me too stop the Quarians from going to war with the Geth."

Jade was quiet before looking away, "Yes," she finally said under her breath. "I did make that decision."

"I know when I heard that you had gone to stop the Quarian's..."Miranda didn't continue, but it was clear what was on her mind.

"You thought that I wasn't coming back for you," Jade finished for her.

There was silence, "We both knew that this wasn't the time for emotional entanglement. We know about the Reapers than anything, we know what they will do to us if you fail. You can't fail Shepard, you need to be completely focused on this mission. You need to be at your best. You've been taking risks that worked for you but you don't know how long your this luck will last."

"I need you," Jade repeated. "I can't do this without you."

Miranda smiled at her, it was a sad smile, "Shepard you were right, you would have succeeded even without me."

Jade frowned wanting desperately to throw a tantrum to give some fancy speech that would convince Miranda to stay. She even considered begging. But she couldn't this wasn't the time and it wouldn't be fair to Miranda. "I haven't filled the XO position on board the Normandy, it's still open if you want your position back. Everyone misses you and the Normandy hasn't been running even close to optimal efficiency since you've been gone. EDI's actually stopped bothering Joker and is on my case, because I've taken up your job."

Miranda frowned, "You've what? Your duties are..."

"I only want the best on my squad Miranda. I can't function with someone dragging the rest of my squad down. They don't have a very long life, you know it and I know it. I can't stop every couple of months to replace an XO. I'd rather just do it myself. Come back to the Normand. I need you as my second. I can keep my distance if space is what you want; I can despite what people believe keep things professional between us. The Normandy is probably the safest place for you right now. Being around friends will help with the healing process. Or so I'm told."

Miranda looked at her, "I don't need you to be my hero Shepard, I refuse to act like one of those fan-girls who throw themselves at your feet."

Jade eyes flashed, "I'm nothing like him."

Miranda looked at her and was quiet for a minute, "No you're not."

There was another bout of silence between the two women, each of them lost in their own thoughts.

"I don't want to be a distraction. I don't want to be the one that causes you to fail. You risked a war to save me, it was a reckless manoeuvre," Miranda admonished. "You could have ruined relations between humans and Quarians, you have no guarantee that they will help you fight the Reapers."

"You weren't there to stop me."

"No one else on the ship attempted?"

"No one else on the ship knew what I was planning except for EDI."

"You mean to tell me that there is no one on the ship who can stop you from doing reckless things?"

Jade smiled. "EDI tries, I override her though."

Miranda looked at her; it was clear what Shepard was doing, "Shepard?"

Jade turned to her, "Lawson?"

"I'll come back. The galaxy needs you and I guess I'm the only one stopping you from getting yourself killed. I put a good two years into bringing you back, I'm not going to allow you to let all that work go to waste. But I need my space. I need time to get over what was done too me. And you need to give all your attention to stopping the Reapers. There cannot be an "us" anymore, I will not be the person who causes you to fail."

Jade was quiet, and gave Miranda a slow nod. At least she could still see her, she would only be a moment away. It would have been unfair to demand more from Miranda given all that she had been through. "I understand, it will be strictly professional between the two of us."

Miranda nodded, this was the best for everyone involved. Shepard would realize that...

"Lawson?" Jade said after a moment.

"Shepard?"

"I love you," Jade said without looking at her. "I could never really leave you behind. You should know that. This won't change anything I will still give you the space you desire...and I mean...fuck I just wanted you to know that I love you...I have for awhile and—"

Miranda had frozen when she heard those words, stunned to finally hear Shepard say the three words she had been dying to hear for ages. She looked over at the woman she loved seeing her stumbling over her words trying to get them right. "I love you too."

Jade stopped what she had been saying, giving Miranda a small smile, gently squeezing her hand. It might take time but maybe they could be okay.

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**A/N: So it seems I listened and gave you all a happy-ish ending even though they are no longer together, let's be reasonable here considering what Miranda went through no matter how mentally strong she was there was most definitely going to be consequences**. **Will they eventually get back together? Eh, that's subject to my whims. **


End file.
